I started crying a little when I began writing this post earlier today. It has made me all wobbly and teary-eyed and emotional all day and I sort of hate that…especially when I can’t shake it. That means that it’s striking a chord…..and I know it is. The tears came today because I started thinking about a dream I had when I started my first business in my twenties and began my battle with workaholicism……I will tell you about the dream at the end of the post…
See..on Friday I decided to take the day off….and immediately started feeling guilty for it. It has been more months than I can remember since I took a whole day off. I love my work….I love it SOOOO much….so taking a day off seems unnecessary much of the time…I can easily rationalize that I don’t need a break because I love what I do so much.
But what I know when I listen to the deepest part of myself is that I DO need a break…everyone does….but that I have so much guilt because there is always so much to do……and I work slow. I am not one of those fast slap-it-out kinda people….I really meditate and think over my work and I won’t feel finished until it is very detailed and lovingly done the way I worked it out in my head and heart before it becomes real. This puts me into lots of yucky places when I’m tired….especially when I see people who seem to work so much faster….
But after I read through my LIFEBOOK again that I made last year when I decided to redesign my life…and saw this page again…..I knew I needed to just STOP AND REST. I knew I needed to…..
I am wondering if you do this too…make yourself feel guilty when you stop and take a break? If you do…and I do…….and lots of us do….we need to stop doing it to ourselves. In fact…we all need to do a better job of building breaks into our lives and making them essential…..
Well, I took the day off on Friday anyway. It just so happened on the exact same day, the amazing Brene Brown posted this beautiful piece on her blog called THE WORST ADVICE. EVER. (you should definitely read it when you are done reading here.
)
After I read it….I decided I was going to go ahead and really have a real weekend. I had a wonderful friend in town…..the weather was beautiful….I had a big canvas calling my name that wanted to be a new painting for my dining room that had nothing to do with work……I had new music I wanted to learn on my guitar, I had food that wanted to be cooked into new recipes….my family was all taken care of all weekend….my work was at a good stopping point….I had ME that wanted to just BE.
So I did.
It was amazing.
I needed it.
It is an ever living battle to remind myself that I am enough, you are enough…we have done enough, we have enough, we will always have enough…we know enough……etc……….that ENOUGH BATTLE is the one that never lets us rest
My rest this weekend made me remember that yes, I am enough. You are enough. We are all enough.
It put things into perspective….the time with people I love made me remember things that are important. The time alone with the air and the trees brought me right back to my deepest place of truth and peace…the place I need to be to be able to move forward. Making art for my own home and my own heart was joy joy joy. Sleeping all night, like a rock, for 2 nights straight was bliss.
I wrote in my journal and I made some big new goals….I spent very exquisitely loving quality time with my friend…..the kind that changes everything because you help each other figure out what is really going on inside those hearts and souls………..the kinda interaction that takes STOPPING AND RESTING for it to happen.
But this morning I started battling the guilt again. So dumb, really.
Then I remembered very vividly a dream I had back in my late twenties………..a dream where I was so stressed out that my husband had no idea how to help me….so he took me to this place and all that I remember was that it was at the very top of a skyscraper…we rode the elevator all the way up to the very top and someone very kind answered the door……my husband said he would be back later to get me. I went in and there was a room FULL of stacks of quilts and puffy pillows and comfy couches………..the people there just told me to rest.
They were so kind and expected nothing of me but just to rest. I would try to work or speak and they would just sit me back down and tell me to rest. When others there would come and talk to me………they would be told that I am here to just rest, so please leave her alone…..
It was the most exquisite dream I have ever had and I have never forgotten it. I stayed there for many days….and then my husband came to get me…………I cried when I thought of that dream today because there is nothing that sounds so wonderful as a world where we would just LET EACH OTHER REST……LET OURSELVES REST.
Can you imagine being treated with so much love by each other that when we were really truly tired…that this is the message? Can you imagine if we told each other this…if WE TOLD OURSELVES THIS…at the end of every day????
Last year when I wrote out the life I wanted to have…….I really did write some things in there about stopping to rest….but, I focused on the goals….I accomplished almost every single one of them already…I am truly living the life I have always dreamed of because of the hard work of figuring it out and going for it……………but we all gotta build in some rest too. I am so thankful I saw this in my book when I pulled it out last week to talk to you all about the upcoming class.
I am going to do better at stopping and taking a rest. I am going to keep encouraging you and everyone I love to do the same. Rest without shame. Rest without shame. Rest without shame. We need to rest whether we are done with what we wanted to get done or not……rest is as important was work and play. We all need to rest. Rest does not mean weakness…….or laziness……rest means smart and brave.
AND….
When you are living the life that you choose to live…doing the things that you planned out….saying no to the things that don’t matter….it’s easier to feel like you can rest now. When we are doing things that we don’t really even want to be doing……..we can never stop to rest because we are still looking for what we want to be doing. Living life in your own way = really good rest at night….because there is peace.
Ok….so, I hope that if you have not been stopping to rest…that you will.
And…I hope that if you are having a hard time figuring out what you want to do…where you want to go…and how to get there…that you will join us for CREATING THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE…LIVING YOUR TRUTH, SR2….the online course which starts tomorrow. I can’t wait to make brand new goals…….so excited to do this course with all of you!!!!! (the journal pages shown here are part of my book from the course) LEARN MORE ABOUT IT HERE. bravegirlsclub.com/soul-restoration-2
Do you let yourself rest?????? Would love to hear your thoughts…..
xoxo
melody
















So beautifully written, and I can so relate to this xoox
I have learned to replenish me! To rest. To say, no. I go where I can also leave. I must have Peace, or I do not stay. I dance only when I want to. All of it is comforting.
Hi Melody,
Beautiful art and beautiful words. God is really trying to get this message through to me. I had read Brene’s post the other day too. I don’t even really know how to rest anymore, and with the realization that my daughter only has 4 or so more years under my roof (unless she decides to stay a little longer:)), resting and taking care of myself is essential so that we can enjoy every moment. Thank you for pounding this message into me in such a beautifully poetic way.
God bless you and all the Brave Girls!
Thanks for writing this. I really needed to hear this today as I had a rough day and have this feeling of NOT doing enough and letting people down. I needed to be reminded that I do enough, need to rest and shouldn’t beat myself up when I feel stretched too thin. And even though I make mistakes, tomorrow will be a new day and a fresh chance to start over.
Wow. Stopped me in my tracks! I had kids home (one or the other) for the three weeks before spring break, and then had them both home for another week – so today, when they were at school, I felt guiltily self-indulgent. I went to the gym, worked out, and then spent a long, leisurely, selfish 10 minutes in the spa. And then I took myself to lunch. And I browsed the mall. And it was glorious! How amazing it is to just be ALONE. I still love the kids and the hubs, but I am a better woman today than I was when I woke up because I chose to take care of my spirit today.
Your post is full of “trigger” words for me for my depression – Those are hard things to face or even think about, but sometimes it’s good to hear that it’s ok to take time to address those hard things.
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing. I think I’ll meditate on that dream you had – I could envision that being a very good soothing imagery!
love love love!
This has definitely been one of the hardest life lessons for me to learn. As a stay-at-home mom, I think I always feel like I need to be doing more to earn this wonderful life Larry gives me. It never seemed to matter what extra I was throwing myself into (and oh was there plenty of extras) … I always had this nagging feeling like I should be doing MORE MORE MORE. It all kinda came to a head about 6 years ago when I was completely overcommitted art wise, fostering our very troubled niece, and suffering with severe back pain every day to the point of crying on the floor by 6 every single night. Larry looked at me, and simply said, “So … do you feel like it’s enough now Little One?” It completely broke me wide open. I hired a life coach to help me be okay with saying no, started only taking on commitments I knew I could keep, and forced myself to rest and ask for help.
It was horrible at first … the guilt of doing too little alone sent me into hour long crying fits as I grieved for this life I thought I was supposed to have. I couldn’t even connect with friends because I felt too ashamed to say I was having to rest and get better, and no I wasn’t writing or making anything. Then this funny thing started to happen. I started to figure out what and who I really wanted to spend my “not in pain” time on and with … I said no to all kinds of work offers, and new opportunities still arrived on my doorstep. Nobody forgot about me, and my family & friends were happy I was finally learning to live a more balanced life.
I still get out of whack from time to time, but all these days where I take time to just hang out with my kids … sneak off somewhere quiet with my husband … share my life with far away friends on the phone or by text … paint when I know I should be doing something more meaningful … I think those are the days I will remember at the end of my life!
Thank you for always making me think – I love hearing when the things I struggle with are shared with the people I love
Makes them so much easier to navigate in this chaotic life!
xox
me
As a Feldenkrais Practitioner, we are very aware of the benefits of rest. It is where the learning happens!
Never confuse self caring with being selfish. Even God rested. We are like all animals on the earth, we must have food, water, shelter, and rest. Nature has built it into us. Yet we fight it, for in my case, I had old “tapes running” in my mind of all the things I should be doing. According to whom? If a child does not see its own Mother rest, than he/she grows up thinking it is not acceptable to take time for self. Set a good example. I have a little note book where I’ve listed “all the lies I believed.” It is really quite funny. I’m sure you have them too, the “lies.” They then fester and become resentment, guilt, or depression. Just my two cents on the subject. xo Maddie
This really hits home for me at this time. This is my 4th week battling pneumonia and a forced rest. It has been life threatening and caused me to become legally blind. I have reflected much on all I do and my desire at the age of 60 to stop more often and pay attention to just enjoying the fruits of my labors over the years. I intend to make significant changes in the choices I make. This has been a blessing.
Kathy, continue to heal and I support you new intentions! Make the changes for You.
Thank you for sharing! This is so beautiful and really needed a rest. You inspired me to take today off & return to the things that matter (not my job!). One of Brene’s favorite things I remember is that she said “busy is the new status symbol” and how we fall all over ourselves to be uber-busy and over-committed. I want to change that and make my life about focus, intentionality and the things that make my soul sing.
As I read this, I am listening to “Home” by Dara McLean and it feels divine intervention. Rest your sweet soul! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0u30Ddsagk&ob=av2e
Thank you for your incredible inspiration and honesty, you are so admired! Sheila Jones
Thank you for this post. Madeline’s comment about setting an example for one’s child is so true. Just the other night, my 10-year-old daughter said to me when I was tucking her in, “Mommy, you need to come to bed, too. You never sleep more than 2-5 hours a night. Parents need rest just like children do.” WOW! I didn’t realize she was paying attention to my rest (or lack thereof). That is what has finally gotten me thinking. I don’t want my daughter to inherit this treadmill habit. And you all know … we will do things for the sake of our children that we won’t do for ourselves. I know … I should do it for ME, regardless. But doing it for my daughter is a start, right? LOL!
Melody….I had totally lost me which appeared in eruption at the end of 2011. I’m so grateful God brought you and Brave Girls Club to my world this year. I have not finished my Soul Restoration 1, but my heart and mind are set on finishing and continuing the process. Not only to restore, but to find what my heart desires; what God desires for my life. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there. Your writings always leave me with things to ponder… like on this day when you said,
“When you are living the life that you choose to live…doing the things that you planned out….saying no to the things that don’t matter….it’s easier to feel like you can rest now. When we are doing things that we don’t really even want to be doing……..we can never stop to rest because we are still looking for what we want to be doing.”
You are a Blessing!! Hugs!
Thanks to everyone else for sharing too.
Your post is beautiful and so true. It reminds me of our conversations this week, Your weekend sounded EXACTLY how I envision a weekend with just YOU would be…a Soul Care weekend in the trees.
I got my SR2 art journal out yesterday and reread all of the words, prayers, promises and thoughts I wrote down and it provided some oxygen for my soul. THANK YOU for all you do, all you remind us to be and for your amazing heart.
I am a 51 year old VERY busy woman. I am a supervisor at work and raising my one year old grandson at home along with life’s other demands. I fear if I rest then I will become further behind with my daily mandatory task so I spin my wheels constantly trying to stay on top of things. I spent a couple of days last week in the hospital because I refuse to rest. My will said keep running but my body made resting mandatory. This post was just confirmation that it is OK and actually better for me and everyone else in my world if I just take a rest. Thanks for your encouraging words.
This is such a good reminder for me, along with the post on BOUNDARIES. I struggle with boundaries every day! I did learn to rest in my 20s though. I got mono from working too hard, not sleeping enough, being so anxious. I can remember when the doctor told me “You have Mono. You need a long rest.” I remember saying, “I can’t have mono. I don’t have time.” And then crying. I remember being so tired that I had to rest between putting on socks. One sock. Rest. The next sock. I don’t ever want to be that sick again!
So now, when I need rest, and the house needs vacuuming, and the dishes aren’t done, I set the timer and lie down for 30 minutes. And guess what? The dishes are still there when I get up! Rest is good. Naps are good. Peace is the BEST.
Melody, we are so much alike in so many ways! Guilt, overworking, working to prove and working slowly. I do all of that. Rest has been something I need to allow also. Rest without shame!
I was just discussing this topic a few weeks ago…the topic of resting and finding balance…how important it is to give ourselves permission and grace to “do nothing but sit still”…
I was exploring whybwe drive ourselves so hard and feel engulfed in guilt…by we don’t honor or love ourselves enough to rest and nurture/hear our souls…
I feel that we woman are placing ourselves on a destructive and unattainable road…we have enough if we are still to hear our souls..why and who/whom are we doing this for..we are making ourselves crazy, depressed, tired and grumpy..For What….
I just took time to build a fountain by my front porch…to sooth my soul..I have been sitting outside the past week enjoying my hot tea and RELAXING doing nothing but listening to the calming water.
We nned to take the time to figure out what calms our spirit..to honor it…to incorp. More peace, serenity and tranquility into our lives.
Oh my gosh Melody. I struggle iwth this on a daily basis…rest w/o guilt. My health is forcing me to rest right now. If I do too much I crash and my healing goes backwards. For a workaholic, “I know I can just put my head down and bull my way through this” woman, it’s a humbling, frustrating and disheartening place to be. Your words of rest is enough, reminds me that this is the lesson I must learn at this time. Thank you.
I am reading with tears in my eyes. I am having some health issues that I like caused by not taking care of myself, by not resting. I am so driven I forget to rest. My family jokes that I don’t know how. So now I am being forced to rest. I lktdrally almost killed myself. This was a great post. But it makes me sad to know how many of us there are.
Rest…for an Army Wife doesn’ come easy…If its not our own families..its others…constant things to see to and do…Supporting familes of our injured soldiers…doing small gestures to those who need a smile…
But..I too need to be reminded that I’ve done enough and I can rest…let the guilt go…
I’ve not taken one of your classes…but think I would like to…
Tomorrow will be a day of support for a wife…sitting at a Trauma Rehab with her soldier…two hours from here…I’m going armed with a dairy, new pen, bracelet with Love is Patient..Love is Kind on it…a patriotic Teddy to sit by his bed side…and hugs for the afternoon to the both of them…
I read your daily messages from my email box daily….and it makes me feel like I’m o.k…
Hugs….and Thank you.
Everything about this post is beautiful!
While I saw myself as keeping the lives of my loved ones stress free…. they saw me only as exhausted! On my way to a restful nap. Thank you for this bit of enlightenment.
I’m going to work just long enough to post this, and then go for a walk!
I’m about to start radiation for breast cancer treatment and decided I needed a way to make it a better experience. So I am going to wear 33 dresses for all 33 treatments and invite anyone else touched by cancer to wear a dress or whatever your preferred equivalent may be – Hawaiian shirts, use your china. It’s making me so happy (www.facebook/33dresses).
But I REALLY related to what you wrote about how it’s easy to justify working too hard when it’s something we love. So in that spirit, I’m putting on my tennies and heading out for a walk.
Thank you for giving us such jaw-droppingly beautiful art!
Wow–how powerful. I have learned this “resting” in the last year. I have been taking care of my husband with cancer for over 9 years. I finally realized my life was falling apart. I was depressed, overweight, in pain & generally unhappy. I began taking care of myself…resting when I needed to. Things are better 1 year later, but still not the way I want them. It’s a process though & I’m still on that road. But I feel no guilt now when I take the resting time I need. My husband can’t understand it because he’s a workaholic and he think work gives him purpose. He gets angry with me when I don’t do what he thinks I am supposed to do (because I work for our family business). But I am feeling better with this & just going to keep on resting when I need to. Thanks for sharing.
Mary
This really hit home for me. My stress level has been through the roof lately. A couple weekends ago, I had five days off work and did not enjoy it at all because I did not rest, and when I actually tried to force myself to, the guilt took over and made my stress level higher. I even talked to my boss about it, and he reminded…even encouraged me to take days off and relax. He told me it was okay that my reports were turned in the day they were due, rather than a week ahead of time, and even said it was okay if they were a day late because IT HAPPENS (better to be thorough and a little late than crappy and early, I guess). This is something I need to work on…I also love my job and spend many, many hours there because it’s hard to walk away from the youth I work with when they are in such need. But I need to remember that I have needs, too, and one of them is to REST.
This post blasted into my heart on a gorgeous lightning bolt. I know you had me in mind when you shared this. Speaking personally {how could I do otherwise??} I have always been a goal-setter and achiever. These items drive my work ethic and, more importantly truthfully, my NEED for external validation and approval. I am a work in progress in regard to DECREASING my need for said approval and INCREASING the recognition and acceptance of my joy in the process at the end of MY day.
Recently I had to have surgery after an unpleasant trip to the Emergency Room. Rest. Rest. Rest. This episode has gotten my attention.
Thanks for such an inspiring and needed post.
xxxooo
Gaye
I feel I am good at taking care of myself…but I would like more thoughtful rest. Creative actions, outside actions….I have jsut fallen in love with weeding my garden. TRUST ME that is a miracle. Just sitting there spending time with all the burgeoning leaves of a wildflower garden…trying to discern what is weed, what is flower and how it DOES look different even if I just weed out the dandelions & tree saplings! REST. Constructive thoughtful rest not to be confused with TV or Web ‘rest’. AHHHH!
I have really taken to heart reading what you write. I think your words have come to me at time when I really need to listen and find myself. Almost 5 years ago I left my husband. We had just been two different people, both us unhappy. I was the strong one and said I need a new life. I left, made the decision to go back and finish my degree. So for two years I struggled financial with two children to finish my education. I felt at times I would never sleep trying to study, take care of my girls and provide for them. Last year I finished my degree and in the midst of all this chaos my soulmate came along. I was so not looking for someone, but there he was. I am so grateful for him in my life.
Now I have him and his two children to love. I am truly happy about that. I know that I work overtime to be the best mom, friend, etc. I can be that I feel I have lost me. I am trying so hard to balance life, but I feel I take no time for me. I am always cleaning the house, making great meals, taking the kids where ever they need to go. My youngest is at home and very demanding.
I have been trying so hard to figure who I am in the midst of all this and your words have come to me when I need them the most. It has made me want to write again to express myself. Your words have given me encouragement. And your words have made me cry more than once. I really wanted to take the time to focus on Soul Restoration 2 because I know I need it, but we are in the middle of preparing to move out of the country, plan a wedding, and rent out our house. Again, no time for me for now, but your daily words are encouraging to me and hopefully keep me on track. When RS2 comes out again I will take the time to dig deep into it.
Thank you Melody
this is so what i needed to see/hear today. ive battled with agitated depression since childhood. only being diagnosed 7 weeks ago, after a nervous breakdown. 5 yrs ago i lost my job as a neonatal icu nurse. did i rest? i took on the enormous task of setting up my dad and brothers business. even though i was drugged to the eyeballs. not sleeping, fighting for my pension (age 29). i did it alone and willingly at first. got myself out of a wherlchair etc. never saying no i can’t do that. i helped mind my neice too. less than 24 hrs after the 2 operations i had last yr and this the phone would ring asking me to do stuff. even after the news of my breakdown i was expected to carry on. ive had to go on limitef contact with them. even noe as i try to recover i feel guilty, as i was volunteered to help out with my brothers children. im still trying to push myself. still trying to measure up as i was constantly told what a disappointment i was. now it’s time 4 me to concentrate on me and my husband, looking forward and hopefully achieving our dream of being parents, which hasnt happened becsuse of my inability to say no, the overwhelming guilt, or just doing things so i would please that person who loves to put me down. my mother. i cannot go back to that life. finally trying to set bounfried at the age of 34.
Great, Great blogpost. Women NEED to hear this and practice what you are saying. Why are we so afraid of what may happen or what someone May SAY about us if we just take a time to REST? Thats it fear! Fear keeps us from just about everything. I know many have young children, and obligations…but when we can enjoy and grab some meaningful times….we have to. There are so many little opportunities throughout the day to be grateful and enjoy rest. we just have to be intentionally aware of these precious moments…Thank you Melody, you are always so encouraging. Angel
I have a confession…I’m so stupid busy that most days I just delete my Brave Girls’ Little Bird…just delete and it is one less thing to think about. Now don’t take that the wrong way, I feel guilty every time and I want to know what the message is, but I don’t give myself time my “personal” emails. I’m kind of glad that I don’t alway open them because twice now I have opened the mail, made time for me, and found the most amazing message that I would swear you wrote just to me…Both times it was exactly what I needed to hear…the very thing to keep me going. The first time it was about not giving up, just when I thought I might quit grad school.
And today…..on my, my hubs is out of town, I’m running our farm single-handedly and trying to finish my final semester of grad school. I never finish my to-do list and I rarely take time for myself….someone always needs fresh water, or a bottle, or a walk, and the garden always needs water and the house always needs to be swept and I never just rest….never. I’m exhausted. I wake up tired. I droop all day. I need rest!
I have a big deadline Monday, but I’m going to push hard to finish so that Sunday can be my day of REST.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
I am sitting in alittle coffe shop reading these words of encouragement and truth, while my husband is in therapy for a couple hours, my only break all week . Over 7 months ago my husband went into the hospital with mental confusion , suffered a major stroke , and remained in the hospital 6 months , now I am his full time caretaker. So this message on rest is so on time in my life, with tears running down my face I am thanking you from the bottom of my heart for writing this post… I’m sure that many others feel this way , just what we need comes along just as we need it … I serve an awsome God who makes sure that happens and thanks for being the instrument today for me….
Why is it we relate rest to laziness. I know I do and I always have. At 56 years old I would think I should have it all figured out, but after reading this I realize, REST is not in my vocabulary. Thank you for the wake up call……rest up call.
Deb
oh sweet girl………………i just posted on your giveaway for the daily truths and bopped over here. This is the day I chose to rest!! i hadn’t seen your post, but I am in the practice of needing this and build it into my life. The problem is I am a slow worker too………..loved hearing that! My biggest issue is (with guilt) that I have very little energy. Your soul restorations make good claims to living the life you choose…………empowering women to know that and Yes, know we ARE ENOUGH! I love the work you have done…………..and the energy that you help us to realize when we are.
Once again, you are right on time with your authentic self. I adore Brene Brown and can’t wait to see this video next………..but first I had to write and tell you this timliness. AND I also used the circular doily like lables in my soul book as you did…………so funny to see this as well! All God’s perfect plan for encouragement no doubt. Be encouraged today and I hope you have a day to rest again soon Melody! XO
Oh my do I relate to all you say here Melody. I especially related to you saying you work slow and meditate and think over and take special time to finish a creation just like you desire it in the full.. but then get feeling bad about yourself because others work so much faster and put out the creations so quickly. THAT IS ME TOO!!!!!!! So much in this post reminds me of my own life. Thank you Melody for putting your heart into such real words… You are such a blessing to me.
♥Lee Ann
loved this post…i am now resting it is just after midnight…my kitchen is clean!