I started crying a little when I began writing this post earlier today. It has made me all wobbly and teary-eyed and emotional all day and I sort of hate that…especially when I can’t shake it. That means that it’s striking a chord…..and I know it is. The tears came today because I started thinking about a dream I had when I started my first business in my twenties and began my battle with workaholicism……I will tell you about the dream at the end of the post…
See..on Friday I decided to take the day off….and immediately started feeling guilty for it. It has been more months than I can remember since I took a whole day off. I love my work….I love it SOOOO much….so taking a day off seems unnecessary much of the time…I can easily rationalize that I don’t need a break because I love what I do so much.
But what I know when I listen to the deepest part of myself is that I DO need a break…everyone does….but that I have so much guilt because there is always so much to do……and I work slow. I am not one of those fast slap-it-out kinda people….I really meditate and think over my work and I won’t feel finished until it is very detailed and lovingly done the way I worked it out in my head and heart before it becomes real. This puts me into lots of yucky places when I’m tired….especially when I see people who seem to work so much faster….
But after I read through my LIFEBOOK again that I made last year when I decided to redesign my life…and saw this page again…..I knew I needed to just STOP AND REST. I knew I needed to…..
I am wondering if you do this too…make yourself feel guilty when you stop and take a break? If you do…and I do…….and lots of us do….we need to stop doing it to ourselves. In fact…we all need to do a better job of building breaks into our lives and making them essential…..
Well, I took the day off on Friday anyway. It just so happened on the exact same day, the amazing Brene Brown posted this beautiful piece on her blog called THE WORST ADVICE. EVER. (you should definitely read it when you are done reading here. :))
After I read it….I decided I was going to go ahead and really have a real weekend. I had a wonderful friend in town…..the weather was beautiful….I had a big canvas calling my name that wanted to be a new painting for my dining room that had nothing to do with work……I had new music I wanted to learn on my guitar, I had food that wanted to be cooked into new recipes….my family was all taken care of all weekend….my work was at a good stopping point….I had ME that wanted to just BE.
So I did.
It was amazing.
I needed it.
It is an ever living battle to remind myself that I am enough, you are enough…we have done enough, we have enough, we will always have enough…we know enough……etc……….that ENOUGH BATTLE is the one that never lets us rest
My rest this weekend made me remember that yes, I am enough. You are enough. We are all enough.
It put things into perspective….the time with people I love made me remember things that are important. The time alone with the air and the trees brought me right back to my deepest place of truth and peace…the place I need to be to be able to move forward. Making art for my own home and my own heart was joy joy joy. Sleeping all night, like a rock, for 2 nights straight was bliss.
I wrote in my journal and I made some big new goals….I spent very exquisitely loving quality time with my friend…..the kind that changes everything because you help each other figure out what is really going on inside those hearts and souls………..the kinda interaction that takes STOPPING AND RESTING for it to happen.
But this morning I started battling the guilt again. So dumb, really.
Then I remembered very vividly a dream I had back in my late twenties………..a dream where I was so stressed out that my husband had no idea how to help me….so he took me to this place and all that I remember was that it was at the very top of a skyscraper…we rode the elevator all the way up to the very top and someone very kind answered the door……my husband said he would be back later to get me. I went in and there was a room FULL of stacks of quilts and puffy pillows and comfy couches………..the people there just told me to rest.
They were so kind and expected nothing of me but just to rest. I would try to work or speak and they would just sit me back down and tell me to rest. When others there would come and talk to me………they would be told that I am here to just rest, so please leave her alone…..
It was the most exquisite dream I have ever had and I have never forgotten it. I stayed there for many days….and then my husband came to get me…………I cried when I thought of that dream today because there is nothing that sounds so wonderful as a world where we would just LET EACH OTHER REST……LET OURSELVES REST.
Can you imagine being treated with so much love by each other that when we were really truly tired…that this is the message? Can you imagine if we told each other this…if WE TOLD OURSELVES THIS…at the end of every day????
Last year when I wrote out the life I wanted to have…….I really did write some things in there about stopping to rest….but, I focused on the goals….I accomplished almost every single one of them already…I am truly living the life I have always dreamed of because of the hard work of figuring it out and going for it……………but we all gotta build in some rest too. I am so thankful I saw this in my book when I pulled it out last week to talk to you all about the upcoming class.
I am going to do better at stopping and taking a rest. I am going to keep encouraging you and everyone I love to do the same. Rest without shame. Rest without shame. Rest without shame. We need to rest whether we are done with what we wanted to get done or not……rest is as important was work and play. We all need to rest. Rest does not mean weakness…….or laziness……rest means smart and brave.
When you are living the life that you choose to live…doing the things that you planned out….saying no to the things that don’t matter….it’s easier to feel like you can rest now. When we are doing things that we don’t really even want to be doing……..we can never stop to rest because we are still looking for what we want to be doing. Living life in your own way = really good rest at night….because there is peace.
Ok….so, I hope that if you have not been stopping to rest…that you will.
And…I hope that if you are having a hard time figuring out what you want to do…where you want to go…and how to get there…that you will join us for CREATING THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE…LIVING YOUR TRUTH, SR2….the online course which starts tomorrow. I can’t wait to make brand new goals…….so excited to do this course with all of you!!!!! (the journal pages shown here are part of my book from the course) LEARN MORE ABOUT IT HERE. bravegirlsclub.com/soul–restoration–2
Do you let yourself rest?????? Would love to hear your thoughts…..