The water is here NOW (a post for those in the yucky habit of waiting for the shoe to drop)

 

 

 

This is for you all today….xoxo Melody (a reposting from 2012)

I had a little lesson today smack me hard right on the behind…and that is good because I needed it.

There is a bad habit that I am trying to break….and it is something that I have discussed with lots of kindreds who have recently had years-long stretches of life trials……but are now on the other side. It is comforting to know that others have dealt with this too…but it is something that I just want to learn to let go of, once and for all.

Bottom line is…I often have difficulty enjoying good things that are happening because I trained myself during those rough years to expect difficulty, and to understand that nothing is really in my control…and that things can be gone in 30 seconds even if they took years to build. This was a survival technique…and it got me through a lot of yucky years…..but now that we have spent years getting through it, and out of it………I still have some old habits.

Like today……

The river is high. We live right next to the river. There is a beautiful forest between our house and the river…but the river is running super high this spring….many many feet higher than normal. This means we have not just a little stream and small ponds right out our back door…..but an actual little river and BIIIIIIG ponds…….one of them is stretching almost a mile to the East right now…. it is so beautiful that it breaks my heart to look at it….with all of the trees and rocks and plants and rich dark soil and sunshine reflecting off of it. In fact, last night I woke in the middle of the night, the moonlight was reflecting off of it and I could see it through the window….it glistened and shimmied and was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen…..like the sky was visiting the water and they were all choreographed in a secret night time dance. I stood and watched it for so long…then went to other windows in the house to see it stretching as far as I could see. Then I got sad because I started thinking about how it was going to be gone soon when the river went down…….and how achingly I love this home, and the trees and the water and the peace and the way it seems like it has been waiting for us for all of it’s life. I started thinking about how something could happen and we might not be able to stay….and how I better not get my heart set on it…….better not fall too deeply in love….

But see, it’s too late for that. I am smitten. I am so deeply in love, committed……it’s too late to not fall in love. When the sun came up…..and the pink sky with the big golden light ball started to reflect off of all of it…..my heart broke again thinking about how this water was going to not be here forever.

Suddenly…….my whole soul shook and I felt the words loud and clear…

“MELODY, the water IS here NOW..enjoy it.”

Smack.

WOW. I know better than this…..and I was falling into an ugly old outdated expired trick. I realized I was thinking more about how to protect myself from the heartbreak of not being here, not having this water……..this whole place……than just ENJOYING IT TODAY.

So I hurried and did my work and spent my whole afternoon sitting with all of it. I took hundreds of photos…even set up a little photo shoot with my other favorite thing…..my boots. :) I even got in the water to get a photo that I couldn’t have gotten otherwise….in my tights…..

I decided that even if tomorrow it is all gone…..the water……us….all of it…..if this whole big dream is gone……I gotta enjoy every single day of it RIGHT NOW. And……life really is like that, ya know?

So I’m going to work hard on breaking the chains of fear from the past of everything being swept away……..and then carrying that into my future….because even if it never happens, I am already letting myself suffer from it…isn’t that dumb and weird to do???? Especially when I am sitting smack dab in the middle of the best times of my life??????? It is time to BE HERE NOW. THE WATER IS HERE NOW. I AM HERE NOW.

and…..you are where you are. And…every day is temporary….so live it that way. Live in THIS DAY….even if it’s a rough day….remember that it’s temporary….and if it’s a good day…remember that this exact day is temporary……it is precious and good and necessary and amazing and YOURS. Live it.

So here’s a few more photos of this perfectly beautiful day…I took my guitar and enjoyed it….and it was the day that is enough if it is the only one, ever.

Tomorrow will be the one day that is that day…….and I’m gonna try to live it that way. There is so much in the forest that teaches…..like this teeeeeenie little tree that just sprouted up among the big trees…

I knelt down and said ‘YAY YOU!!!!!!!!!!’ ….she inspired me. She is gonna grow even though there’s a long way to go before she is strong and big like the trees around here…she is gonna do it anyway.

Hoping with everything in me that you are letting yourself enjoy every good thing…..all of the goodness, beauty and truth in the world is for you. Enjoy it.

xoxo

melody

p.s. I have collected cowboy boots for years and years…so people often ask me where they all came from…the answer is…all over the place. :)

Comments

  1. bernice petersen says

    Hi Melody: I found you in the Nov/Dec 2013 Eagle ID magazine. finally sat down and looked up your web site. Awesome. I have faced many trials and pain and I have written a book about it.
    It is called A Mother’s Right To Cry by Alice McLaughlin (pen name). This book addresses the
    worst trials I went through and how God put people in my life to walk through it with me.
    So glad I found you/Brave Girls Club.

  2. Diane Joy says

    BUT I must add, that it is your posts here and Brave Girls Club that have given me more strength and hope than I could ever put into words. thank you so very very much for putting your thoughts and experiences and dreams and hopes out there for all of us who need it so very very much. NEVER doubt you make a HUGE difference! xxooo

  3. Diane Joy says

    Wow and WOW! This is EXACTLY what I do, especially since the loss of my daughter. My life was SO incredibly beautiful, especially in that year before her passing, that I was just in awe and then she was taken from us and a huge part of me died. Slowly I started coming back to life again and my husband was stricken with leukemia, took even longer to come back to life after that, but I did and life was feeling so precious again and I was very unexpectedly diagnosed with breast cancer. Made it through all of that and finally found life again and another wham, we were hit with a crazy and very unexpected lawsuit that we have been dealing with now for almost 2 years. We are in our 60′s and feeling depleted financially, emotionally and physically and I am preparing myself for the fact that we may now lose our home that is paid for. I am trying so hard to live in the moment, but even being in the moment at times feels more painful than peaceful. Praying I can let go of the fear……..

  4. michelle says

    Thank you for all the encouraging replies, to be reminded that God loves me and He is with me during challenging times. I thank God for this day, this minute and praise him. He has good plans for my life.

  5. Lee Ann Garrett says

    Oh I related well to this post of yours Melody!! I need to get over that same bad habit. It is so true, that when we have to sometimes learn survival mechanisms to get through our deep trial times, that our minds tell us we need to hold on to at least a tiny part of them after the storm is passed. I appreciate so much your words of encouragement in this area and for you sharing your real heart and experiences with us. Your insight gives me such a different and encouraging message that I need to hear so that I too can be more aware and change the lie in my head.

    Thank you so much Melody!
    ♥Lee Ann G.

  6. Theresa says

    I am amazed each time I come to this site because the topic always resonates with what is going on in my life. Waiting for the other shoe to drop can be a paralzing way to live and I know because I have lived it. As a child Imy family moved every 3 years to a new state, not to mention the intercity moves from one house to another. You learn not to get attached to protect yourself from the disappointment and heartache. As adult I have witnessed this coping strategy continue, missing out on developing friendships, not fully living because my critic says “why try, it won’t work out anyway” and other equally undermining words meant to keep me safe. Thanks to good therapy I am learning how to appreciate the now and not worry about someday (when my dog will pass on or because the love of my life is 17 years older than me, etc) I am currently unemployed due to harrassment on the job, and though my critic has gone “wild” about how nothing will be done (And truthfully nothing was done), I am enjoying my time right now, drinking my coffee, listening to my dog snore and my cat purring in my lap. Thank you for a great article and the ability to share with a community of thoughtful and compassionate readers.

  7. FaithHopeLove says

    This is exactly where I am today. Trying to be brave. Living for the future not the past. Trying not to be scared of all the what if’s…. It is hard … so hard. Knowing that today, this minute, this second, everything can change. It can all go back to being bad again. All the light can disappear. But I have a HUGE God who surrounds me with his love. And I will continue to take each step in Faith. Thank you for this beautiful post and knowing I am not alone.

  8. Beth says

    Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability and for a great example of how to overcome your fears. I have this horrible habit too and am working to get rid of it for good! Thank you, thank you, thank you…..

  9. Annika Seibert says

    Thank you so much for sharing! I know exactly what you mean because I do the same and even worse. I have this self talk running telling me that something wonderful that I really hope for probably won´t happen only to protect me from the pain of disappointment.

  10. Michele says

    I acciidently hit this page while rushing through my work today…It’s just what I needed.

  11. Annie Harris says

    Just spent an amazing ten days with my truly fabulous … In so many ways … Granddaughter. A cruise and time in Bermuda…but throughout it all there were moments of sadness in my heart as I saw before me this beautiful child who has become a beautiful young woman—and will no longer be my “little girl”. The sadness was in thinking about past summers. I was neglecting the fun of the here and now…and although I/we brought home memories and stories and shared jokes and many many photographs I truly wish I could would have enjoyed and lived in the present…the Joy of the Joy! Thank you Melody…for kicking me in the bum!

    Love you <3
    Annie

  12. Debby Ebeling says

    I know that the words “the water is here now” will become words that the Holy Spirit will bring to my mind again whenever I need this reminder…and when that happens I will recall the gentle nudge you gave us through your writing and your lovely images of the water, too. Thank you, Melody. Your sweet sister said it for me, too, when she said this is one of her favorite things you’ve ever written!

  13. NikkiZK says

    Thank you for your profound words and especially for those amazing photos. They spoke volumes to me. I’m shopping/researching for a camera besides my iphone. What camera to you use, Melody?

  14. Janie says

    It’s amazing how we listen to the negative voices more than the positive ones. Well I have to share the most amazing experience I had a few weeks ago. I had had a really bad week and felt so alone and memories of a bad experience flooded my thoughts with feelings of guilt and remorse. I cried till I had no more tears and the next morning as I was walking into my bathroom I heard a whisper in my ear that said, “I love you”. I immediately turned and stepped back to the doorway of the bedroom and asked my husband, who was sitting in his chair watching TV, did you just say something right now, he said, “no”. I told him what I had heard and he said he had thought it (right!). I believe it was God’s voice reminding me that He loves me and He’s covering is over me like always no matter how the devil tries to discourage me! God is with us in our darkest times, when we feel alone and abandoned, it’s during those times that He is holding us tight under His wing!! All we have to do is bask in His love!!
    Love you Brave Girls!!

  15. Monique O.--Canada says

    That is so like me. I tend to brace myself for the worst, rather than enjoy every moment in between. I’m afraid to have so much fun and then have it cruelly taken away from me. What I am is a pessimist rather than an optimist. And that’s got to change. For over a year now I’ve been saying to myself that it’s time to start ‘living’ again. And thanks to Soul Restoration 1, I am seeing the light. I am learning to love again & laugh again. I am so grateful that I discovered Brave Girls Club & have begun to see the positive results of healing. xoxoxoxoxo

  16. Kam says

    Just have to say how touched I am by all that everyone has written. Thank you so much for sharing. Melody has such a gift for speaking truths from the heart that somehow speak directly to each of us. My heart is full and my eyes are brimming with tears as I read each post and feel the connection to all of you. How lucky we are to have such beautiful people and words touching our lives! <3

  17. Pam DuVall says

    This is the first time I saw your page. I cannot tell you how much this meant to me. I have been sobbing since I started reading this. I’d like to say “If you only knew”, but it seems like a lot of people posting already do. Thank you for writing this. Thank you God for leading me to it. This is so important to remember. Now to find those boots…♥

  18. Kerry says

    I lived in a place – with water like that – that I fell in love with and had 3 babies there – then we had to move and I’m having such a hard time ever loving a place like I did again. Hard post to read, but good, thank you

  19. Michele says

    THANK YOU! As always, BCG speaks directly to ME! I have been through a few trials over the years and it has made me have this mindset as well. This story has reminded me that I need to STOP that way of thinking and just embrace today!!

  20. Elizabeth Aviles says

    Beautiful journey and inspiring. Indeed feeling that it is important to live the simple beauty that surrounds us. <3

    Thank you for sharing your story. ;)
    <3

  21. Brenda says

    Phew! Yep, if I wasn’t at the office, I’d be grabbing some Kleenex for a good cry. Big computer issues — which I take on as my fault simply because I’m the main person to do the computer work — and I’ve pretty much beat myself up about all the delays at the most critical time of the year for us. Here is it, National Day of Prayer, and I’ve let myself fall into the trap. GRRRR!!!! Life will go on, customers can wait, vendors can wait — this isn’t life & death important, it’s just a speed bump. Time to breathe deeply and start over…and if I can’t fix it, call for help. :) I’m not a failure just because the computer is spazzed out. LOL! :) :) :)

  22. sandi tygar says

    Your words touch me, and make me cry… because I am the same way. Exactly… and when I got to your words ‘the water is here now’ the tears just flowed…

    xoxo love you so much – thank you for being in my life.
    sandi

  23. Vanessa Johnson says

    I love, love, love this Melody!! Thanks for writing it!! I needed to read this today!

  24. Jessica Cline says

    Thank you for sharing. I was processing this yesterday, trying to figure out how not to prepare myself for disappointment and actually hope for things.

  25. Jluckyleo says

    OMG l heart your boots :) AND all the fabulous pictures of the forest and water ~ THANK YOU for being YOU!

  26. M-C Graves says

    M-C Graves says:
    May 3, 2012 at 6:27 am
    I get it Melody! Like you I’ve gone through a lot of bad times, bad years! There was a time when very, very bad things, like floods, fires, accidents, operations seemed to be on a five week cycle. You can’t even process one event in your mind before the next one hits. You develop a concentration camp mentality, where you tuck your whole self, mind, body and soul into the most compact position, so that you are harder for bad luck to find. You become a little ball. It becomes harder and harder to stretch, to reach, to open up and it does take time. On the outside, you may be laughing, but inside you are trying to uncurl, one finger at a time. Sometimes it isn’t pretty and people don’t understand. But you can’t give up: can’t give in. You just have to believe that even if it hurts to untangle yourself, it is worth it in the end. You just have to be brave!

  27. Debbie Fisher says

    I’m singing in the choir of those who have already posted about you hitting the nail on the head. I am in the process of learning to take each day as it comes, to appreciate the blessings that it brings and to trust that God will be with me tomorrow and the next day and the next. It is definitely a journey to stop fearing what the future will bring, but the reward is PEACE! Thank you, Melody, for sharing your beautiful photos of your property, your boots and your sweet soul!

  28. Bonnie says

    Thanks – you are a true gift of inspiration! You are a Truly talented writer!
    p.s i bought myself my first pair of cowgirl boots for mothers day this year. Ten more days till mothers day and counting till i can wear them.

  29. Jude LeePard says

    Melody,
    I wish I lived near you, I’d love to be around that awesome spirit of yours! Those of us who have dealt with serious tragedies (and are still kicking) know the quickest way to peace is to be thankful to God each and every minute of every day. “Just Trust God.” All things happen for a reason, and those closest to the truth, well, there’s this nasty little guy with horns and a tail that would love to keep you doubting, worrying, wondering. Don’t let him steal your joy, just say NO WAY! I love this course!

    Namaste,
    Light and love to you and yours,
    ~Jude

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