This is for you all today….xoxo Melody (a reposting from 2012)
I had a little lesson today smack me hard right on the behind…and that is good because I needed it.
There is a bad habit that I am trying to break….and it is something that I have discussed with lots of kindreds who have recently had years-long stretches of life trials……but are now on the other side. It is comforting to know that others have dealt with this too…but it is something that I just want to learn to let go of, once and for all.
Bottom line is…I often have difficulty enjoying good things that are happening because I trained myself during those rough years to expect difficulty, and to understand that nothing is really in my control…and that things can be gone in 30 seconds even if they took years to build. This was a survival technique…and it got me through a lot of yucky years…..but now that we have spent years getting through it, and out of it………I still have some old habits.
Like today……
The river is high. We live right next to the river. There is a beautiful forest between our house and the river…but the river is running super high this spring….many many feet higher than normal. This means we have not just a little stream and small ponds right out our back door…..but an actual little river and BIIIIIIG ponds…….one of them is stretching almost a mile to the East right now…. it is so beautiful that it breaks my heart to look at it….with all of the trees and rocks and plants and rich dark soil and sunshine reflecting off of it. In fact, last night I woke in the middle of the night, the moonlight was reflecting off of it and I could see it through the window….it glistened and shimmied and was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen…..like the sky was visiting the water and they were all choreographed in a secret night time dance. I stood and watched it for so long…then went to other windows in the house to see it stretching as far as I could see. Then I got sad because I started thinking about how it was going to be gone soon when the river went down…….and how achingly I love this home, and the trees and the water and the peace and the way it seems like it has been waiting for us for all of it’s life. I started thinking about how something could happen and we might not be able to stay….and how I better not get my heart set on it…….better not fall too deeply in love….
But see, it’s too late for that. I am smitten. I am so deeply in love, committed……it’s too late to not fall in love. When the sun came up…..and the pink sky with the big golden light ball started to reflect off of all of it…..my heart broke again thinking about how this water was going to not be here forever.
Suddenly…….my whole soul shook and I felt the words loud and clear…
“MELODY, the water IS here NOW..enjoy it.”
Smack.
WOW. I know better than this…..and I was falling into an ugly old outdated expired trick. I realized I was thinking more about how to protect myself from the heartbreak of not being here, not having this water……..this whole place……than just ENJOYING IT TODAY.
So I hurried and did my work and spent my whole afternoon sitting with all of it. I took hundreds of photos…even set up a little photo shoot with my other favorite thing…..my boots. 🙂 I even got in the water to get a photo that I couldn’t have gotten otherwise….in my tights…..
I decided that even if tomorrow it is all gone…..the water……us….all of it…..if this whole big dream is gone……I gotta enjoy every single day of it RIGHT NOW. And……life really is like that, ya know?
So I’m going to work hard on breaking the chains of fear from the past of everything being swept away……..and then carrying that into my future….because even if it never happens, I am already letting myself suffer from it…isn’t that dumb and weird to do???? Especially when I am sitting smack dab in the middle of the best times of my life??????? It is time to BE HERE NOW. THE WATER IS HERE NOW. I AM HERE NOW.
and…..you are where you are. And…every day is temporary….so live it that way. Live in THIS DAY….even if it’s a rough day….remember that it’s temporary….and if it’s a good day…remember that this exact day is temporary……it is precious and good and necessary and amazing and YOURS. Live it.
So here’s a few more photos of this perfectly beautiful day…I took my guitar and enjoyed it….and it was the day that is enough if it is the only one, ever.
Tomorrow will be the one day that is that day…….and I’m gonna try to live it that way. There is so much in the forest that teaches…..like this teeeeeenie little tree that just sprouted up among the big trees…
I knelt down and said ‘YAY YOU!!!!!!!!!!’ ….she inspired me. She is gonna grow even though there’s a long way to go before she is strong and big like the trees around here…she is gonna do it anyway.
Hoping with everything in me that you are letting yourself enjoy every good thing…..all of the goodness, beauty and truth in the world is for you. Enjoy it.
xoxo
melody
p.s. I have collected cowboy boots for years and years…so people often ask me where they all came from…the answer is…all over the place. 🙂
Thank you so much, I needed to read this.
Hi Melody: I found you in the Nov/Dec 2013 Eagle ID magazine. finally sat down and looked up your web site. Awesome. I have faced many trials and pain and I have written a book about it.
It is called A Mother’s Right To Cry by Alice McLaughlin (pen name). This book addresses the
worst trials I went through and how God put people in my life to walk through it with me.
So glad I found you/Brave Girls Club.
BUT I must add, that it is your posts here and Brave Girls Club that have given me more strength and hope than I could ever put into words. thank you so very very much for putting your thoughts and experiences and dreams and hopes out there for all of us who need it so very very much. NEVER doubt you make a HUGE difference! xxooo
Wow and WOW! This is EXACTLY what I do, especially since the loss of my daughter. My life was SO incredibly beautiful, especially in that year before her passing, that I was just in awe and then she was taken from us and a huge part of me died. Slowly I started coming back to life again and my husband was stricken with leukemia, took even longer to come back to life after that, but I did and life was feeling so precious again and I was very unexpectedly diagnosed with breast cancer. Made it through all of that and finally found life again and another wham, we were hit with a crazy and very unexpected lawsuit that we have been dealing with now for almost 2 years. We are in our 60’s and feeling depleted financially, emotionally and physically and I am preparing myself for the fact that we may now lose our home that is paid for. I am trying so hard to live in the moment, but even being in the moment at times feels more painful than peaceful. Praying I can let go of the fear……..
Thank you for all the encouraging replies, to be reminded that God loves me and He is with me during challenging times. I thank God for this day, this minute and praise him. He has good plans for my life.
Oh I related well to this post of yours Melody!! I need to get over that same bad habit. It is so true, that when we have to sometimes learn survival mechanisms to get through our deep trial times, that our minds tell us we need to hold on to at least a tiny part of them after the storm is passed. I appreciate so much your words of encouragement in this area and for you sharing your real heart and experiences with us. Your insight gives me such a different and encouraging message that I need to hear so that I too can be more aware and change the lie in my head.
Thank you so much Melody!
♥Lee Ann G.
I am amazed each time I come to this site because the topic always resonates with what is going on in my life. Waiting for the other shoe to drop can be a paralzing way to live and I know because I have lived it. As a child Imy family moved every 3 years to a new state, not to mention the intercity moves from one house to another. You learn not to get attached to protect yourself from the disappointment and heartache. As adult I have witnessed this coping strategy continue, missing out on developing friendships, not fully living because my critic says “why try, it won’t work out anyway” and other equally undermining words meant to keep me safe. Thanks to good therapy I am learning how to appreciate the now and not worry about someday (when my dog will pass on or because the love of my life is 17 years older than me, etc) I am currently unemployed due to harrassment on the job, and though my critic has gone “wild” about how nothing will be done (And truthfully nothing was done), I am enjoying my time right now, drinking my coffee, listening to my dog snore and my cat purring in my lap. Thank you for a great article and the ability to share with a community of thoughtful and compassionate readers.
Thank you.
You are helping me get through a very tough period in my life.
This is exactly where I am today. Trying to be brave. Living for the future not the past. Trying not to be scared of all the what if’s…. It is hard … so hard. Knowing that today, this minute, this second, everything can change. It can all go back to being bad again. All the light can disappear. But I have a HUGE God who surrounds me with his love. And I will continue to take each step in Faith. Thank you for this beautiful post and knowing I am not alone.
Yay You! And thanks.
Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability and for a great example of how to overcome your fears. I have this horrible habit too and am working to get rid of it for good! Thank you, thank you, thank you…..
Sounds to me like you just spent the day holding hands with GOD!
thank you <3
Thank you so much for sharing! I know exactly what you mean because I do the same and even worse. I have this self talk running telling me that something wonderful that I really hope for probably won´t happen only to protect me from the pain of disappointment.
Melody~
Thank you. Just thank you~
Much Love~
Julia
I acciidently hit this page while rushing through my work today…It’s just what I needed.
Just spent an amazing ten days with my truly fabulous … In so many ways … Granddaughter. A cruise and time in Bermuda…but throughout it all there were moments of sadness in my heart as I saw before me this beautiful child who has become a beautiful young woman—and will no longer be my “little girl”. The sadness was in thinking about past summers. I was neglecting the fun of the here and now…and although I/we brought home memories and stories and shared jokes and many many photographs I truly wish I could would have enjoyed and lived in the present…the Joy of the Joy! Thank you Melody…for kicking me in the bum!
Love you <3
Annie
Beautiful sweet Truth….xoxo
I know that the words “the water is here now” will become words that the Holy Spirit will bring to my mind again whenever I need this reminder…and when that happens I will recall the gentle nudge you gave us through your writing and your lovely images of the water, too. Thank you, Melody. Your sweet sister said it for me, too, when she said this is one of her favorite things you’ve ever written!
Thank you for your profound words and especially for those amazing photos. They spoke volumes to me. I’m shopping/researching for a camera besides my iphone. What camera to you use, Melody?
You went and made me cry! 🙂
thank you…
Beautiful post, thank you!
A very important message Melody. Thank you for this reminder. I am guilty of living my life waiting for the shoe to drop too after my dad died of cancer at 52 years old 13 years ago, but God doesn’t want me to live this way. I was reminded of this post when I read yours: http://ifmeadowsspeak.blogspot.com/2012/04/when-your-spiritual-life-is-brown-and.html
Thank you for sharing your beautiful photos and story
It’s amazing how we listen to the negative voices more than the positive ones. Well I have to share the most amazing experience I had a few weeks ago. I had had a really bad week and felt so alone and memories of a bad experience flooded my thoughts with feelings of guilt and remorse. I cried till I had no more tears and the next morning as I was walking into my bathroom I heard a whisper in my ear that said, “I love you”. I immediately turned and stepped back to the doorway of the bedroom and asked my husband, who was sitting in his chair watching TV, did you just say something right now, he said, “no”. I told him what I had heard and he said he had thought it (right!). I believe it was God’s voice reminding me that He loves me and He’s covering is over me like always no matter how the devil tries to discourage me! God is with us in our darkest times, when we feel alone and abandoned, it’s during those times that He is holding us tight under His wing!! All we have to do is bask in His love!!
Love you Brave Girls!!
You´re so right! Thank you so much for sharing and reminding!
That is so like me. I tend to brace myself for the worst, rather than enjoy every moment in between. I’m afraid to have so much fun and then have it cruelly taken away from me. What I am is a pessimist rather than an optimist. And that’s got to change. For over a year now I’ve been saying to myself that it’s time to start ‘living’ again. And thanks to Soul Restoration 1, I am seeing the light. I am learning to love again & laugh again. I am so grateful that I discovered Brave Girls Club & have begun to see the positive results of healing. xoxoxoxoxo
Just have to say how touched I am by all that everyone has written. Thank you so much for sharing. Melody has such a gift for speaking truths from the heart that somehow speak directly to each of us. My heart is full and my eyes are brimming with tears as I read each post and feel the connection to all of you. How lucky we are to have such beautiful people and words touching our lives! <3
Wow…
This is the first time I saw your page. I cannot tell you how much this meant to me. I have been sobbing since I started reading this. I’d like to say “If you only knew”, but it seems like a lot of people posting already do. Thank you for writing this. Thank you God for leading me to it. This is so important to remember. Now to find those boots…♥
Truth! Amazing, beautiful, glorious, perfect truth!
I lived in a place – with water like that – that I fell in love with and had 3 babies there – then we had to move and I’m having such a hard time ever loving a place like I did again. Hard post to read, but good, thank you
THANK YOU! As always, BCG speaks directly to ME! I have been through a few trials over the years and it has made me have this mindset as well. This story has reminded me that I need to STOP that way of thinking and just embrace today!!
Beautiful journey and inspiring. Indeed feeling that it is important to live the simple beauty that surrounds us. <3
Thank you for sharing your story. 😉
<3
Thank you.
Phew! Yep, if I wasn’t at the office, I’d be grabbing some Kleenex for a good cry. Big computer issues — which I take on as my fault simply because I’m the main person to do the computer work — and I’ve pretty much beat myself up about all the delays at the most critical time of the year for us. Here is it, National Day of Prayer, and I’ve let myself fall into the trap. GRRRR!!!! Life will go on, customers can wait, vendors can wait — this isn’t life & death important, it’s just a speed bump. Time to breathe deeply and start over…and if I can’t fix it, call for help. 🙂 I’m not a failure just because the computer is spazzed out. LOL! 🙂 🙂 🙂
This so totally made me cry tears of happiness! (And I am at work! LOL.)
So happy to hear about your revelation!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience!
Your words touch me, and make me cry… because I am the same way. Exactly… and when I got to your words ‘the water is here now’ the tears just flowed…
xoxo love you so much – thank you for being in my life.
sandi
I love, love, love this Melody!! Thanks for writing it!! I needed to read this today!
Thank you for sharing. I was processing this yesterday, trying to figure out how not to prepare myself for disappointment and actually hope for things.
OMG l heart your boots 🙂 AND all the fabulous pictures of the forest and water ~ THANK YOU for being YOU!
M-C Graves says:
May 3, 2012 at 6:27 am
I get it Melody! Like you I’ve gone through a lot of bad times, bad years! There was a time when very, very bad things, like floods, fires, accidents, operations seemed to be on a five week cycle. You can’t even process one event in your mind before the next one hits. You develop a concentration camp mentality, where you tuck your whole self, mind, body and soul into the most compact position, so that you are harder for bad luck to find. You become a little ball. It becomes harder and harder to stretch, to reach, to open up and it does take time. On the outside, you may be laughing, but inside you are trying to uncurl, one finger at a time. Sometimes it isn’t pretty and people don’t understand. But you can’t give up: can’t give in. You just have to believe that even if it hurts to untangle yourself, it is worth it in the end. You just have to be brave!
Do Not Stumble on what`s behind you ……. love that saying
I’m singing in the choir of those who have already posted about you hitting the nail on the head. I am in the process of learning to take each day as it comes, to appreciate the blessings that it brings and to trust that God will be with me tomorrow and the next day and the next. It is definitely a journey to stop fearing what the future will bring, but the reward is PEACE! Thank you, Melody, for sharing your beautiful photos of your property, your boots and your sweet soul!
i wrote about this EXACT thing just a day before you. it’s so amazing! http://www.karenika.com/archives/23301 you’re so amazing!
Thanks – you are a true gift of inspiration! You are a Truly talented writer!
p.s i bought myself my first pair of cowgirl boots for mothers day this year. Ten more days till mothers day and counting till i can wear them.
Melody,
I wish I lived near you, I’d love to be around that awesome spirit of yours! Those of us who have dealt with serious tragedies (and are still kicking) know the quickest way to peace is to be thankful to God each and every minute of every day. “Just Trust God.” All things happen for a reason, and those closest to the truth, well, there’s this nasty little guy with horns and a tail that would love to keep you doubting, worrying, wondering. Don’t let him steal your joy, just say NO WAY! I love this course!
Namaste,
Light and love to you and yours,
~Jude
You are a special soul! Thanks so much for sharing these important reminders!
Beautiful….thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you for sharing this. It speaks true to me.
This post came at a time when I really needed it, so thank you 🙂 I have dealt with one tragedy after another in my life and have been trying very hard to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s a hard habit to break. Your words are so inspiring and uplifting. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Candace at saltons cove studio
My words written through tears are merely “thank you” for so many things!
Thanks so much for sharing this- it is so familiar to me & I am sure to women everywhere. Such a beautiful post- thank you.
You always seem to write what I need to see. I have been swallowed by fear for at least six months now…ok maybe more like fourteen months…worrying about my baby girl and her medical needs. We have answers. We have hope. We have seen progress. We had news of her MRI yesterday…it was normal. The words I was fearful that I wouldn’t hear. Today is a day of celebration. I’m moving on. Tears streaming here too. I’m done being paralyzed. I’m done living in the past and the future. Today is here. It is now. I’m going to embrace it. Every single second of it. Thank you brave girl!
Thank you Melody.
Melody, Did you write this for me, because you sure hit the nail on the head. Tears streaming down my face in awe. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. As long as we remember to live for now, the happier we’ll be.
Have a beautiful day.
this is beautiful…brought tears to my eyes,,,thank you for sharing
Oh My Gosh!!!! This is so fabulous!!!!
Thank you so much for putting your lovely words and soul on paper for all of us!!! Pictures are fabulous….so far this one is my favorite one too Kathy!!! Melody I love love love you and am so grateful for all your deep wisdom and life lessons you put down on paper!!!!!! Hugs
Your words come to me when I need them the most. I have so much to be grateful and happy about, but I am so concerned with all the “what ifs” right now. It takes away from what is beautiful now. I have a wonderful man in my life that keeps reassuring me, but I have always had been let down by others so I stay in survival mode. Keeping my guard up. I know that I need to learn to trust. Your words help me to put things into perspective. You are that extra inter-voice that I need.
Thank you so much.
I think you wrote this for me: today is my last day with my very special, “special needs” blind, “autistic” horse. I have to put him down tomorrow. I am being swallowed by grief, even though I know it is the most loving act I could do for him now. I am blessed beyond imagination with a loving, supportive husband (we are newly in love again after years of struggle and almost saying “I quit” one year ago) and friends. My beautiful teenage kids are coming through their own rough trials this year. I am whole. My family is whole. I wasn’t sure if I could handle seeing Henry today. (I don’t want to upset him with my grief, as he is super-sensitive to my feelings). But I think I just might go ENJOY sitting with him in the rain for this last, special day. Thank you for sharing this; right time, right place, right person. Yet another miracle?
These words and pictures cut straight through to my heart. TRUTH. Thank you
Wow! That was so incredibly beautiful! You have such a way with words and the most beautiful soul. XO
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that there are many good, beautiful, positive and productive ideas, people, moments and circumstances that we neglect in our pursuit of control. Blessed are the moments we are made to realize that we have always had control; control of ourselves and our points of focus. Thank you for sharing this moment with all of us who look for inspiration in your simple, but profound words. We are all people and can get distracted by life and it is comforting to know that even you struggle with you, occasionally. It makes you real….and loved. Today and everyday.
I understand everything that you just wrote. The best I think you have ever written and you have written a lot of good, great and amazing things….YOU are working your purpose and changing hearts, minds and lives Mel. Really, you are and I am blessed to call you friend. I look forward to sitting on the waters edge with you without words and understanding it all.
Amen. Blessings and peace to all who read this and all those whose lives they touch after.
I cried when I read this post – OHMYGOSH…it’s exactly how I feel all the time. After my best friend dying suddenly at 47 and 2 years later losing my mom I just wait in crisis mode all the time. What NEXT? It seems like it’s crisis after crisis (economy, health) with no joy in between. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how happy use to feel?? Now I’ve come to treasure just a non-eventful boring day – at least there was no crisis but did I worry the whole time? you betcha…o.k. so Melody gets it (no surprise) cause she’s so awesome but then I read the comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not weird or crazy! I was shocked to see that anyone else felt this way……I’m going to print this out and journal at length about it, thank you for writing it and I love the photos. Can’t afford it but SOMEDAY maybe I can come to camp 😉 it”s on the bucket list. love ya
Beautiful- you are not alone in this habit and now, neither am I. I find strength and calm in your story and I know that I am on the better path.
This is actually the first time that I have ever read your blog. And I have to say that it really, REALLY spoke to me. Thank you.
So very true. Thank you for reminding all of us to live today. Your property is just beautiful, I can see how you fell in love.
I had this very conversation with my anam cara (soul sister/friend) this past weekend. Beautifully put. This is yet one more confirmation that I am in the space and doing the thing I need to move forward!.
Loved… so loved your words…and the photos really brought me right there with you.
Thank you for sharing your life and your soul with us. Love your light… xoxo Mikel
You have made me long for the Boise River. I cannot wait to get back up there to explore. When I see all of your Brave Girl Boots, I long for more. The pair I have was given to me by my Mom. They don’t fit quite right, but every time I wear them I think of her. So I will probably keep wearing them forever. Got to go out and get me a pair of RED boots to go with my Ruby Reds. Thanks for sharing
Oh so true and oh so hard to let go of the worry! My son is always telling me that I am coming from a place of fear and he is right! Worrying is so counterproductive. I read once that worry is like a rocking chair. You rock and rock but never get anywhere. You are so right! Each new day is a gift! Time to get off my rocker! Thank you for always knowing just the right thing to say! You are such a light for my journey.
Here is a Dutch saying for you Melody: ‘Een mens lijdt het meest van het lijden dat hij vreest’, which means: ‘A person suffers most from the suffering he fears-which might never happen’. It is one which an old aunt wrote in my Poezie Album when I was a little girl and which I have never forgotten. In bad times (and I have had VERY bad ones) I remind myself that nothing lasts forever and that God loves me and always sees me through, somehow. And then I do what you did: love the moment of beauty and preciousness which kisses my soul and keeps me going. Shalom brave woman.
Thank you so much for sharing all your special momments with us. I am fairly new with this Brave Girl site. A friend sent it to me in some troubled times of mine and I have loved it ever since. I feel everyday I am learning to be that Brave Girl but still have alot of work to do. Again Thank you for sharing!!!
I struggle w/ “waiting for the other shoe to drop” every day of my life and don’t know why. It’s not like I’ve had a bad life..just a divorce several years ago.
I guess maybe deep down I don’t believe I deserve to be happy. I have a pretty good life and I’m not depressed…I just can’t feel real happiness most days, like it’s only for other people. And if I do feel happy I believe it’ll be taken from me.
Thank you for your words of inspiration. Life long habits are hard to break but i will try to take your advise!
Thank you for that reminder, I needed that.
I need to remember this every morning as I start my day. It’s all about slowing down and really practicing gratitude for the here and the now. It’s a habit that can be learned, I hope! Thank you , as always, dear dear Melody, for putting it into just the right words. LOVE!!!!!!
Hey Melody,
Life is just a mirror and what you see out there you must first see inside of you xx Your soul reflection is so beautiful to articulate to so many and practise this amazing feeling of just “being” in the moment . Lets keep looking at the “view”……( my other favourite post from your heart…)
Oh boy,spot on AGAIN. I really, really needed to read this today. Me to a T….. well the old me, the new me not so much but like you it is a hard habit to break and it slips back in sometimes.
amen….amen….amen!
I know that as Zen. It Is about living in the moment. I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself to do so. When I can do it and let go of my fears it is wonderful. Thanks for reminding me. You are awesome!
hooray for living in the moment and enjoying the little things all around you.
loved this post.
You know….. I’ve never read anything more inspiring and beautiful than this. Speechless.
LOVE
“YAY” You! Melody! xxx
Beautiful <3 <3 <3 :)!!!
Beautiful post, beautiful, pics, beautiful place, beautiful boots…beautiful soul!
Melody!! Your post is exactly about how I’ve been feeling for the past 3-4 months! A dumb and weird fear of losing it all…a paralyzing fear that won’t let me enjoy the beauty of this place…I can’t find peace in one of the most peaceful places in the world!
Thank you so much for writing this post! xoxo
I am right there with you, in spirit, Melanie. SR 2 is helping me get to where you are. This online class is ssssssssoooooooooooooooooooo GREAT!!! :0 <3
What makes a song memorable? Words & Melody!
Thank you for “singing” another wonderful song to us, in your own inimitable way that makes me so happy I know you — if only just thru your “songs” … and that’s what I celebrate today:-)
Amazing, Inspiring, Courageous…it’s amazing how everyday things can have such a meaningful impact on our lives if we let them. Thank you for sharing; your thoughts are so helpful as all of us are trying to find the right paths for us….xx
This really speaks to me. I have the same issue. My husband works in retail managment and we had gone through three layoffs in eight years. I always felt like I was waiting for that pink slip…. well, Friday it came. Even though this is a difficult time NOW I need to learn how to enjoy things when they are easier, in that moment, instead of dreading being here… because really- if he has been unemployed for x amount of months in x amount of years- we are still doing okay… we are.
Thanks for the reminder!
Mel-THIS IS SOOOOOO TRUE! I loved all the photos and the truth of your experience! This moment right here…is the only one we really have. So here’s to living it! Loving you from Denver!
Loved this Melody… it gets me thinking alot, I have to say!
all I can say is WOW!! You hit the nail on the head!! Thanks for remindin’ me!!!
amen amen amen!!!!
i am so with you … ready to let go of that “waiting for the other shoe to drop” habit …. that is so me …. who i have been for at least 10+ years …. i am so ready to enjoy the “water…right here, right now”.
thank you my sweet sissy … continual inspiration and gratitude for you in my life.
i love you.
oxoxoxooxox
One of my favorite things you’ve ever written — and that’s saying a lot. XOXO