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I was cruising around our blog archives this morning and came across this beautiful post that Melody wrote almost three years ago. I have a strong feeling someone out there needs to read this today…so here it is, just for you, lovely girl. From September 2010….
love, kathy
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I was on the phone this week talking to one of my dearest dearest friends, who lives in another state….we were talking about a conversation we had a few months ago that made her mad……..she was telling me NOW that it made her mad then, but what she didn’t know was that I already knew that…….and it was one of those conversations that you HATE having anyway, but you just do, because it is important. Now…this was not drama, or scandal, or anger….it was just me telling her something that I had learned, something that I didn’t want to learn, but had….I just told her that sometimes you go one step forward, and then something happens, and you go two steps back. She had called to tell me how excited she was that something VERY HUGE, a REALLY BIG TRAUMA in her family’s life, had been completely resolved….that it was finally over. I told her that maybe she should brace herself for a setback, just in case, prepare mentally…and that it was TOTALLY o.k. if that happened, because it was just part of the deal sometimes, and that it didn’t mean failure, it didn’t mean progress was not being made…..but that sometimes, it was just part of the process. She told me she was mad at me for saying that back then……but she called this week to tell me that the “two steps back” thing had happened, and that she was pretty devastated.
My 14 year old daughter saw that little orange sign up there in my studio, picked it up and read it and said…”that is the truest quote I have ever read…” When does life start feeling so confusing??? Well, sometimes it just is downright confusing. Let me tell you what I have learned about the way we are always wanting to be moving forward so fast….but that sometimes the most important thing we can do, sometimes the ONLY THING WE CAN DO is to just FACE the direction that we want to go….whether it feels like we are moving very fast or not…whether it feels like we are going forward or backward….just FACE the direction we want to go, and keep moving moving moving in that direction, even if it’s only with our hearts and minds….
I have learned, and continue to learn every day, that if I can just do this ONE THING, I will be ok. No matter what happens, as long as I am staying focused on where I want to be, on the end goal….that I have to just trust the journey that is going to take me there. Sometimes the journey is SO MADDENING. SO CONFUSING….I mean…how can you possibly call it progress if it feels like you are going back to where you started to begin with…or maybe even FURTHER back? Well….I don’t know a fraction of the reasons or explanations for this…but I do know a few of them…from experience….can I just tell you some things I know for absolutely, positively SURE? (p.s….there’s fifty jillion things I don’t know, but I do know a few things from experience)
I want to tell you why I know this is important. Take a look at my beloved green boots…..my best pals for years and years and years…..never let me down. Carried me through so much stuff that I’m surprised they are still kickin’. What I want you to notice is how worn out the heels are….they are so worn out because of the miles and miles and miles and miles that THEY HAVE WALKED BACKWARDS.
Sheeeesh, I have fallen on my face so many times….skinned my knees, and my elbows….gotten fat lips and road rash. I have had to go backward SOOOO MANY TIMES. But the minute I decided to walk backwards, facing forward, rather than turning my whole body around, with my BACK TO THE PLACE I WANTED BE, everything changed. Sometimes I still have to remind myself to keep my “face to the place” because when life inevitably sends me two steps backward when I have only managed to go one step forward, it sure doesn’t feel good….and I am tempted to turn my back on the good stuff and turn around and yell at the past……….as long as we are facing TODAY and facing TOMORROW…..we are not stuck in the past…and WE ARE MOVING FORWARD.
When I think about this, the first thing that comes to mind is in 2006 when I was ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY 100% sure that my husband was recovered. Because I came home from a business trip, and there he was…HIM. I was sure he was back. It lasted 10 or 12 days and then he crashed back to the horrible place he had been for 2 years, in some ways…even worse. It felt so cruel…like such a setback. But…then I did a lot of research over the next years, and realized that this is exactly how brain injury recovery goes. THIS IS HOW SO MUCH OF LIFE GOES. It seems like it should all keep getting better and better….but sometimes life has to go through weird and confusing dark forests on it’s way to where it’s going…and there’s no other route to get there. I wrote this blog post….almost EXACTLY 4 years ago when I thought it REALLY WAS OVER. I was so embarrassed…bitter, sad, CONFUSED, and felt SO FORGOTTEN when things actually went downhill again after this. Things did not get better for more than 3 YEARS AFTER THIS!!! Wow, I remember how confused I was. Devastated. Here’s the photo from that blog post…..
Even though I thought things were better, and that they were going to continue to get BETTER AND BETTER, 2006 marked the beginning of the VERY HARDEST, MOST PAINFUL years for us. We lost our business, we lost our home…we lost Marq more and more every day………THEN, things started to get better.
BUT ALL ALONG THINGS REALLY WERE HEADED TO THE BEST PLACE. THE RIGHT PLACE FOR US.…..all along. I just didn’t know it at the time, and it was very very very hard.
Soooo….if you are going through a setback like this…whether it’s financial, or physical, or in a relationship, or mentally or spiritually or creatively. IF YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ALREADY run through the finish line of this particular journey…and then found yourself MILES from the end…..take heart, little lovelies….it’s all good…it really is. You are so super tough. You are so capable of taking this on. You are so much smarter, stronger and braver than you realize. You are going to see some incredible things come out of that body, mind and soul of yours…….things you never even knew existed. Someday you might even understand why all of this had to happen the way it is happening. Someday, for sure….you will be thankful for all that you learned from it…THIS I know for sure.
I know the road seems long…totally unfair, and downright sucky….but remember, EVERYTHING is on it’s way to somewhere else….everything is temporary. Everything comes into our lives exactly when it’s supposed to, lasts exactly as long as it’s supposed to last, and teaches us exactly what we are supposed to learn. Life is so amazing like that. You can do it…..I dare you.
Thank you for this. Such a beautiful painful story.
This has always been and always will be one of my favorites.
Thank you for reposting!
I read this the day you posted it and thought to myself, ” Yep, I know that’s true.” I hope we don’t go backward. There are so many hard and super painful things we’ve been through these last 5 years and they are all moving forward. But guess what – that is just what happened. I started to panic …. But then I remembered this post. Now I can breathe again. The tears are now tears of faith. Thank you so much for the reminder of what I know.
Thank-you ! For the daily truths, they speak to our hearts and every different situation because they are ‘truth’. They continually lift me up when I so desperately need it.
C.S. Lewis said, You are a soul. You have a body. Think of your body like a car for your soul. Sure, it might not be the newest model, but think how vaeuld classic autos are! It might be a minivan, when you really want to drive a sleek little two-seater, but that minivan carried your kids and kept their souls safe until they were ready to drive their own soul cars around. It might have some dents and scrapes, but that just proves that you’re not one to sit in the garage you’re out there on the road, experiencing the world, and every blemish has a story behind it. Your body does not define you, just as your car does not define you. It’s a tool for living life here on earth. Take the best care of it you can, update when necessary, and most of all remember, its job is to keep the REAL you, your soul, safe, sound, and comfortable as you head out into the journey called life!
Thank-you ! For the daily truths, they speak to our hearts and every different situation because they are ‘truth’. They continually lift me up when I so desperately need it.
Thank-you ! For the daily truths, they speak to our hearts and every different situation because they are ‘truth’. They continually lift me up when I so desperately need it.
Very often your words make me cry. I needed to read this today. I have felt so overwhelmed about my situation. I will not go into details. But your words are uplifting, as always, and brought tears which needed to be shed. Thank you for all you do.
I don’t usually write long posts, but I have something to say. Since August 2009 my oldest daughter, who is a mother of two was diagnosed with a rare blood disease called PNH. After her diagnosis she started going downhill rapidly, and I mean rapidly. She has always been a positive person who always helped others before herself. Within 4 months after her diagnosis she was having platelet & blood transfusions every day, sometimes twice a day. By December the doctors were looking for a bone marrow donor for her to undergo a bone marrow transplant. Possibly her last Christmas with her children. January 4th 2010 she went into the hospital, underwent the most intensive Chemo I have ever heard of, and consequentially received her Stem cell transplant by January 19th. Her brother ended up being an almost identical match for her as her donor. I was her caregiver. We lived in a hospital room for 4 months and then lived close by the hospital for 100 days after that before she could go home. It has been 4 years since this all started, as her mother it has been a very hard thing to watch your sweet child go through as much as she has gone through. After coming home, her marriage fell apart, she is living on her own with two kids and virtually no help from her husband. I have had to help her with everything on top of my own life and all that it entails. She has been in the hospital several times since then with serious viruses due to her being on immuno-suppresants, she has had chronic grafts versus host disease which is her body fighting her brothers stem cells. She went from a small size 2 girl to being blown up on major steroids. Her skin has been badly messed up by the steroids, she has developed avascular necrosis which means her bones are starting to die from the steroids that keep the graphs versus host disease from attacking her heart, stomach and liver. The doctors in our town won’t touch her, so she has to drive two hours every time she needs to see a doctor. She still tries to take care of her children on her own and tries to stay upbeat. A few weeks ago she was having a hard time breathing and found out that she now has many blood clots in her lungs. She is on oxygen now after having been back in the hospital for 2 weeks. I couldn’t be with her because I had to take care of her children for her so she wouldn’t worry. She lives for her children. She was asked by a team at the Bone Marrow Unit to make a film about some of her art journaling that she does to help her work through some tough things. I am very proud of my daughter, she is an inspiration to many people. And yes, you are right one step forward, two steps back.
I deleted this first in the midst of my depression, but it wouldn’t go so I decided I must need to read it. You’ve described where I am exactly. Thank you for proving to me that there are millions of us out here on our own private invisible islands, and that there are just as many reasons to keep trying. I too am going to make this my home page. Warmest regards to everyone out there.
Like so many others above, this came at an opportune time. Going through the most difficult marital issues I never thought would happen to us, such panic and anxiety I can’t function, and such depression I wonder if its all still worth it. This repost was exactly what I needed. I often feel like I take one healthy step forward and then 5 million back. It’s been a devastating summer. Last August I was lucky to be at brave girl camp with 13 of the most amazing women going through then what I thought was difficulty. I look back now and that was a cake walk to what I’m waking through now. Wish I could be there again with my girls and just revel in the divine. Love to all of you xoxox
This was just what I needed today. It really rings true in my life and I forgot that this is exactly what happens; one step forward followed by two steps back. I’m just going to keep going forward and not let the setbacks drag me down. Thank you <3
You are right, I really did need to hear this today. Keep going forward. Been there so many times and still 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Different perspective. Thank you!
A woman in my office has this quote outside her cubicle “Even if you fall flat on your face, you’re still moving forward.” Victor Kiam
I still think Melody needs to be a TED speaker: http://christinamariehernandez.wordpress.com/2013/07/01/tednominee/
Amazing,… It is so wonderful when you turn on the computer and read something that obviously was meant for you to read. I so needed to read this today.
Oh yeah. I needed this today. Thank you for always being there to say the things that need to be said.
My family is in chaos. I needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing this and all you share. I love Brave Girls. I love and cherish every part of it. To read others posts helps me, too. I don’t feel so all alone. Thank you, Kathy, Melody and all my fellow Brave Girl sisters. We CAN do this…..
As I drove into work this morning, I thought, “I am changing my home page to Brave Girls Club.” And then I was led to this post…
This is Exactly HOW I feel… One step forward, 2 steps back. Over and over and over again.
Thank you so much for all of your words each day. Today’s made me cry because I needed the tears! You always say what I need!
Thank you so very much!
Timing is everything! My husband and I have just come through the most difficult 6 months. He had two tumors removed, one benign and one malignant. He has suffered the most awful, extreme claustraphobia while take radiation treaments. The only way to get through the treatments was with medication and those took his mind and left him in a zombie state. There were so many side effects even though there was no pain. Taking care of him, taking him to treatments and working full time, I just about lost it and was on a very thin thread, hanging on. Every day I read the Brave Girls daily truth and posts. Knowing there were other women out there going through difficult times and also remembering Melody’s story and how she lovingly cared for Marq, this gave me hope. Kathy, you were an inspiration to Melody as only a sister can be. I also have the support of loving sisters. If there was ever a time that I needed Brave Girls it was during these last few months. I was fortunate to attend Brave Girls camp last year but at that time I had not been through such difficulties. One step forward, and two steps back. We will move forward with new hope and blessings. Thank you Kathy for reposting Melody’s story. Love to all my Brave Girl sisters!
Every thing is done by God’s plan. Like Dianne above, Melody you wrote this the month my husband was found not alive. It has been 3 years and I have done so many tough things that I never could have imagined. Along the way my daughter and her best friend turned me towards Brave Girls. I must admit to having been in a fog for so long I couldn’t at the time see how a group of women who were mostly 20+ years younger than me could help. How wrong I was. Lost my husband, 2 homes and financial disaster, sound familiar? Through truly trusting in God and for the first time totally understanding and feeling what his “plans” are all about have I come thru those 3 years. Simply put, “I did it anyway”. As I told you during the Brave Girl Camp I attended, you have an uncanny way of writing just what I need to hear. Kathy, you are such a loving support for your sister and because of that support she can do the comforting/inspirational things she does. Thank you so much for sharing your lives with us. BTW, when is the “Answers from Eden” book going to come out? 😉 Blessings to you both…
Wow. I read this at an opportune time. My 16 year old daughter had to miss out on a trip to London/Paris yesterday. Her Girl Guide unit has been planning and fundraising for over 1 year. It was a heartbreaking day. She has been sick since the beginning of the month. Was on antibiotics as it was thought that it was strep and today she was finally confirmed to have mono. My co-workers say there must be some reason she wasn’t supposed to go and that maybe we will never know what it really was. I guess it was one of those steps backward. I sure feel like I have had alot of backwards lately, so I will still keep looking forward and walking my path… Thank you so much!
You originally wrote this the month my husband died. I wish I had known of Brave Girls back then because I sure have done the dance. But I know that I WAS a brave girl without the capital letters back then – and through the awful 4+ years of the cancer dance before that, too. I realize now that we can learn much from these hard things that come into our life. Didn’t believe it then. Didn’t understand it then. I do now. And I thank you.
Ahh just the words I needed to read today, love, love, LOVE my Brave girls Club!! It is just the most amazing place to be… Thanks Melody!!
sure needed this today….thank you…..as always….brave girls blesses my soul…you guys are god’s wonderful vessels….love you.
Very much needed. I am starting to believe that even just sitting out and resting once in a while on our journey, rather than pushing, pushing, pushing to go forward gives us a chance to regroup and move forward more smoothly when we’re ready to resume. It’s just important to not look back. Thank you
you always post the right things, at the right times for so many of us!
God Bless you Marq Kathy! <3
I really did need to hear this today! Heartfelt thanks!
Oh, you have NO idea how badly I needed this today…thank you!
Thank you and bless you!
true words.
timely delivery.
thanks.
You always seem to see right into our hearts even from miles away !!!
WOW!! I really needed to hear this today – i think i need to print it and keep it in plain sight so i can remind myself that its really OK! if you take a few steps back.
Thank you. Oh how I needed this today.
I followed this from a Facebook link. I never do that! I am 6 months into my journey of a brain injuring accident. Which was 6 months after the most horrific injustice had been handed to my family from a long time family *friend*. It does feel like its two steps back or two miles back many days. The course is long the trials are difficult but we learn and grow so much when we can stop shedding the bitter why me tears. Thank you for Sharing this 🙂