A beloved in my life asked me this week…very simply…HOW DO YOU HEAL?
I knew what she meant….I knew she was talking about some things that no one on the outside can see….but that have been tormenting her on the inside.
WHAT I KNOW…from experience…is that we can spend weeks, months, YEARS, LIFETIMES trying to heal from things that were never even true in the first place. We try every program, read every book, get advice from every person, try every lotion, potion…..and we still can never heal from something that was never true to begin with. What we have to heal from….is believing things that aren’t true…things like “I AM NOT WORTHY” “I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH” or “I DESERVED THAT TREATMENT” or “THAT WAS MY FAULT” …. you can not heal from those things if you keep trying to heal from being NOT WORTHY or NOT GOOD ENOUGH….because those things ARE NEVER TRUE TO BEGIN WITH. What you have to do……is CALL THOSE THINGS OUT…and THEN heal from what happened when you believed those things were true.
SO she asked…HOW DO YOU HEAL? I wrote her this response…and when I was done….I knew I wanted to share it…because it is true. (and I also knew that I needed to remember it, because I forget that it is true…)
How do you heal? Well, it takes time….intention…it takes prayer…and it takes identifying what is still hurting and then categorizing those things into what is true and what is just a story you have attached to something to help it make sense…..then you have to let yourself grieve what is true (what really happened that you wish would have happened differently) and you have to CALL OUT what is not true….
How about WHY SHOULD WE HEAL??? Well….so that you can finally let yourself be really happy…all the way back to your little girl self….
To heal from what is true, you must allow yourself to grieve it. And grief does not ask for your feedback or permission….it just goes thru all of its stages and does what it needs to do….so you just have to pray through it…breathe through it….sit with it….be gentle with yourself…don’t resist it….let it pass through you until it has done it’s job. (GOOGLE the stages of grief to find out more)
…..then healing from what is not true is the harder part…..”that must have happened because I deserved it” “that must have happened because I was not worth it to make sure it happened in a different way” “that must have happened because I am not good enough or right enough or as good as they are” …… So you can see how trying to heal from something that wasn’t true in the first place can really become a lifetime of frustrating confusion. To heal from things that aren’t true…..you have to cover those things generously and thickly with the truth. Then you have to gently rub that truth in until it’s absorbed…..and then you have to add more til it is full of life and light and luminous.
Lies are like darkness…..you have to add light. Darkness is nothing more than a lack of light. When lies take over….they grow in the dark….they scare us into keeping them secret. Secrets kill us…..because we add all sorts of stories to the top of them that aren’t true……. And most of the time…….it’s those stories and lies that are still hurting us….not the thing that happened.
ALL OF US will have a lot of true stuff to grieve over in our lifetimes, things that truly need healing…..and that is worth putting time into….learning the stages of grief and mercifully allowing them…..as long as we are working on healing the things that are true……sometimes the things we need to grieve over most are things we thought were true but find out weren’t. It is ok to grieve over something we once believed.
The things that you can never heal from are things that are not true……because they don’t even exist if they are not true….they only exist as torturous thoughts….thoughts that need the truth. Love will always win. Love will always be the brightest light on the darkest things.
How do you heal?
(and this is just my own humble opinion…my own truth, coming from my own experiences in my own life and the lives of my beloveds)
First…you really have to categorize the stuff you are trying to heal from into…
- THIS IS TRUE (for example….I just lost someone/something I love)
- THIS IS NOT TRUE (for example….I deserved to lose them/it, I didn’t deserve them/it in the first place, I am never going to be able to make it without him/her/it, I messed up beyond repair/redemption, I didn’t ever deserve what I wanted/needed, this is going to ruin me, if anyone knew the truth about me, I would be all alone )
HERE IS WHAT IS TRUE (for sure) – you are a beautiful soul who just lived through the experience of losing something/someone you love….and you will gain a lot of wisdom from this experience that will serve you (and those in your life) for the rest of your life if you allow it to.
Typically, TRUTH FEELS PEACEFUL and RIGHT and the truth somehow reminds us that we have the power and the gift to choose our own way, always (even if it is a difficult truth)
Typically, LIES FEEL CONFUSING and want us to believe that we are powerless to choose over them (even when they are trying to seduce us with things that seem really really really good)
WHAT IF you did something with your OWN choices that you are trying to heal from? SAME THING…
1. THIS IS TRUE (for example….I made a giant mistake and broke promises to myself and others)
2. THIS IS NOT TRUE (for example….I deserved to be miserable, I must pay for this for the rest of my life, I am unworthy of happiness, joy, goodness, I am too far gone to ever be a “good person” ever again)
HERE IS WHAT IS TRUE (for sure) – you are a beautiful soul who just lived through the experience of making a giant mistake….and you will gain a lot of wisdom from this experience that will serve you (and those in your life) for the rest of your life if you allow it to.
Sooooo…the best way I’ve ever found to heal is to be where the love is the strongest….and to create as much love as I possibly can…and to give and spread as much love as I possibly can. Darkness can not survive in that climate….it’s too bright. Lies can’t….it’s too true. There will always be shadows and that’s where we get to keep working on what is true. Pray and pray and pray and write and write and write….and spend a little bit of time identifying things that you might be trying to heal from that aren’t even true….but just a little bit of time……because your best time will be spent identifying what is true moving forward….the life that we are meant to have…the life you are meant to have….centered in love and joy and peace and beauty. All of that stuff will always chase away what isn’t true
I love you and this is hard….it is hard work. It hurts…..but what’s waiting for you is more beautiful than you can imagine…..I promise. TRUTH feels good, because it is made of love and light.
Let yourself grieve and heal what is true…what really did happen….and CALL OUT what isn’t true….
It is simple…but it is not easy. It is worth doing though. It really is. It is all centered in LOVE though…just like TRUTH IS. Want to know what TRUTH feels like? It feels like LOVE. If it is not centered in love….I always question it…..always.
Please don’t spend ANY MORE TIME trying to heal from something that was never even true in the first place. You are not broken. Someone or something just lied to you…and you believed it, that’s all. CALL IT OUT.
Then…..live in the love that IS TRUE. (it is all around us…all of us)
YOU are so very loved. You are meant for a happy, beautiful life. YOU ARE.
THAT is the truth.