We Must See Past What it Seems…..

After a dear friend telling me about a hurtful experience she’d had this week…..I began thinking again about a story I have told a few times….a story that my children will tell to their children, and maybe even beyond that… because it was such a learning experience in our family….maybe even a turning point…it’s a story that I think about often because we were the main characters in it 3 or 4 years ago, and even though it was something that lasted less than 15 minutes….it changed all of us….and now I see others differently, especially when it seems that they might be main characters in the same story…or one a lot like it. I used to be too embarrassed to tell this story….but I am not anymore. This is a human story that everyone needs to hear, I truly believe this…I hope you will stay with it, it’s kinda long.

As we move along…I want you to think about some of the big signs with big messages that I bet you wish you could wear around your neck sometimes so that people would be more gentle….or even that you could put around the neck of someone you love….so that you didn’t have to go into a big long story to defend yourself or someone else….so that people would just stop judging and and just be kind.

First, if you don’t know my history because you are brand new to Brave Girls Club…welcome welcome welcome! I need to start this story by giving you a little bit of background….. you see, my husband had an accident in 2004 that injured the frontal lobe of his brain……it has taken 6 years to get him back……but in the middle there, between 2004 and now…lots and lots of stuff happened. He was essentially out of it…but not just that….he changed to someone else, we lost him. His personality changed completely, he could not work, he was angry and depressed and could not cope with human beings.  He did not feel love or affection, really he only felt anger…rage…and he was suicidal most of the time. He did not remember a lot of things. He could not take care of our family or even himself, really……..(and I want to mention again that through lots of miracles, he is 100% recovered now…we are so thankful….he is even BETTER than he was before his accident)

But……during that time…..he would have these confusing and amazing glitches of time when he would be totally normal. It was bittersweet. They would last for an hour sometimes, and sometimes for days…or even weeks…then he would sink back down into that horrible place. When he was sick, I protected him fiercely. I didn’t want anyone to see him like that…I had faith that someday he would recover….but man oh man it was lonely…I wished every single day that I could just walk around with a sign like this….

….because on the outside…I looked like I had EVERYTHING GOING FOR ME…I looked like I might just have a perfect life….but I was hiding a very painful secret….

Well…a lot of other things happened too………you can imagine what might happen over the years while we have a 7 acre farm, a pretty big international business that we own with lots of employees…..a life that  HE managed before his accident, while he just let me do the fun and creative stuff….now we had lots of medical bills…lots of sorrow and lots of distractions……we also had LOTS of kids…..and no one competent managing the business…

Well…after a few years, I couldn’t hold it all together…our business was suffering for all of the reasons listed above and a few more reasons on top of that……..and we discovered that we were really SINKING. Well……one day when he was partly lucid….he was THERE…he was coherent….I told him the condition of our life.

He kind of panicked and he went straight to work figuring out what he could do. It was insanely heartbreaking when he would “wake up” after weeks or months and I had to tell him how much things were deteriorating financially, etc. It was very hard. But when he could, he did what he could….before his mental illness sucked him back into the prison it kept him in most of the time.

He called a sign place and had a huge sign brought out to our house…the kind that you can put letters on, and it was electric and lit up…….He put it by the road in one of our horse fields……then he drove our Suburban….both of our trucks….my classic Thunderbird that he got me for my birthday a few years earlier…..our tractor…all of our tractor implements…the boat that I worked 10 years to get for him (and that caused his brain injury, incidentally)……….and he lined everything up along the fence and he put a price tag on every single thing. Then, he put the letters on that big huge sign and plugged it in.

You have to understand that we had worked for MANY years for those things. We started a business in our twenties and we sacrificed everything we had for all of those years to make it work. We owned almost all of it outright…….but, when I told him that the business was struggling….this is what he did….

Sooooo…..there it was….all in a row……all of our stuff…..out in our field.

All of the neighbors driving by…our friends…the community…..people who knew us most of our lives and people who knew nothing about us…..we were just the young family who lived in that beautiful little farm house on Beacon Light road with the perfect lawn….or what USED to be.

You see, in addition…for months….our once beautifully manicured yard started to be filled with weeds that were now several feet high. I just couldn’t keep it up. The lawn was a nightmare. Everything was just falling apart all around me and my heart was broken over my husband, too. It was humiliating and exhausting and horrible, really.

Well, the sign was not up in the field for more than a few hours…….when my husband’s phone rang….it was someone who saw all the stuff and my husband’s phone number on the big huge sign. We were sitting out in the yard while he was still coherent and he was feeling devastated about the condition of our lawn…..I was apologizing that I just couldn’t do all of it………..he was so heartbroken at his limitations and that he had left me to try to handle our life alone……we were trying to make a plan…..

He answered his phone…I saw that he was just listening…I could hear that the person’s voice was getting louder and louder and louder………..my husband just listened. He turned his back to me a little so I wouldn’t hear. But I could hear it….It seemed to go on and on and on……..

These were the things I could hear on the other end of the phonecall….

“You are bringing down the value of my property with that ugly sign!”

“What are you doing?”

“That is the most obnoxious sign, do you have a permit to have that out there?”

“Are you starting a used car lot?”

“You have got to get all of that moved and out of here or I am calling the authorities”

I sat there, mortified, embarrassed, humiliated, mad, sad, devastated. I was certain that this would snap my husband back into his dark hellish place.

But, when the man was done ranting, my husband waited a second and then very calmly said something that I will never, ever forget…….

“Sir,” he said, “There was a time in this country, in this community…when if you drove past your neighbor’s house and saw every single thing they own was for sale in front of their house…and that their lawn had not been mowed for weeks….that you would stop and say….WHAT IS GOING ON, SOMETHING MUST BE TERRIBLY WRONG, WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP YOU?”

The man was silent…..and then my husband went on to tell him a few details about what was going on with our family….

The man waited a moment and then his tone changed…..he apologized….I mean, really apologized and then said…

“I am going to call all of my friends and see if any of them need any of this stuff….”


I wish with everything in me that we could have put a sign up on that big stupid lit up billboard in our field that said OUR LIFE IS FALLING APART….  but all that we really could put up is a sign with the price of everything that we owned that was worth any money…….

WHAT IF we could all wear a sign that said what WE REALLY MEANT? What if we could go straight past the small talk……..or the masks…….and we could actually go straight to the heart of the matter…….what if our friends and family wore signs like this?

…we would treat each other differently.

I think we should just try to imagine it………that when a friend is quiet…or not showing up to stuff she usually shows up to….or acting a little “off”….or a family member is wearing pajamas to the grocery store for weeks on end……or not answering the phone…..or the lawn is not mowed…..

whatever it is……….

IT IS A SIGN. It is not a sign that can be read in words and letters, but it is a sign that someone needs to be treated gently…that they need help….most of all, that they need love, understanding…and that they DEFINITELY DO NOT need to be judged.

Every time I think of this story….I want to be better…I want to do better, I don’t want any silent signs to go unread before my eyes or my heart…..I don’t want to make up my own answers to what must be going on…I don’t want to assume………..

Let’s be gentle with each other.

Let’s read each other’s signs.

HAPPY NOVEMBER….so much to be thankful for!




  1. says

    I read this post and just wanted to say how wonderful it is that you chose to share your story. I know from the personal experience of a loved one that a brain injury can be devastating and difficult to handle without all the financial burden you had to go through as well. Thank you for sharing a story that could help many others out there feeling alone and lost!

  2. Jamie says

    I don’t even know what to say. I’m glad you and husband and your family have found a better place in life and I’m so sorry you suffered such a huge struggle. I discovered BGC in Mary Jane’s magazine so I’m seeing you for the first time and it’s like being thrown a life jacket when you are drowning. I feel like I’ve been directed here for a reason. Thank you so much. I wish more people in the world had your compassion and inspiring spirit. I feel a warm glow inside, believe me that warm glow was much needed!

  3. Pauline M Moll says

    I just found this blog and thought I had something worth adding to it. Your story and life are heartbreaking and warming. Your message is on point as they say.

    I was misdiagnosed with a mental illness too many years ago. I had to give up a very nice job with a nice salary to match. I had to live with my children because I couldn’t take care of myself. Yet…..no one knew from my appearances that anything was wrong; even my children. A strong will, a strong denial helped me keep up the pretense that I was ‘normal’. It was very exhausting, very hard, very depressing.

    Since we discovered the true source of my problem, 95% of me is back to normal. So I still struggle because of the 5%.

    But my real story has to do with a day when all was well and I went to a Government office to straighten up a problem. The place was packed, the workers were not happy at all. Courtesy was not in the forefront of their demeanors. I watched as one customer after another ranted, raved and verbally beat upon the clerks that were assisting them. As I took my place at the counter, I received the same discourteous attention as everyone else. The clerk had to go to another file to get my paperwork and when he returned I commented that the place was a rat race and I could see how over burdened everyone was. It took but moments to complete my task, and the clerk was grinning as I left his counter. His composure and attitude had changed. That’s all it takes. Just pay attention, go beyond yourself and your needs.

    Do we need signs to tell how we’re doing….there are days like that but I think, more importantly, just like your neighbor that ranted, we need to observe what is going on around us to find those that need a little TLC. And the truly amazing part, is we feel better about ourselves and our problems.

  4. says

    When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several
    e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that
    service? Many thanks!

    • Kathy Wilkins says

      Hi, Selena – We are trying to figure out how to remove you from getting the notifications…we’re not sure how to do it, but we will sure try! XOXO kathy

  5. says

    Hmm it looks like your blog ate my first comment (it was
    extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and
    say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but
    I’m still new to everything. Do you have any tips for beginner blog writers?

    I’d definitely appreciate it.

  6. Donna Gettys says

    At this time of year when most people are out Christmas shopping, visiting friends and loved ones, it hurts, but we just can’t this year. We are having so many problems in our lives that being happy is the furthest thing from our minds. I am glad to see a web site dedicated to the ones of us who can’t be happy, no matter how many happy carolers singing songs we hear, happy shopping commercials we see about Christmas and love and how many lights and trees brighten the streets and windows. God Bless everyone who wants, needs and cries to do more, but just can’t this time.

  7. Anne says

    Great usage of your experience. Seems like in todays society, the thinking is all about ones self. That others do not want to hear about any problems you may have, it’s not their business mentality. I truly believe that is where neighbors have lost one another. Thank you for the reminder.

  8. Pat says

    Thank you for your story.What an inspiration you are to your family and others. My husband passed on a few years ago and he too was in a place at times that were dark. He was in the hospital for 7 months, a nursing home for 2 and then due to come home in a few days, but went back to the hospital and then to the Lord instead. For such a wonderful man it was heartbreaking to watch and know how much it scared him when he would change. I am disabled, but somehow God gave me strength to visit him everyday and cheer him, accept the changes and then cope with the loss of him.Yes, I still cry, but thank God for the time I had with him and the wonderful memories,
    Yes, Everyone in this busy world should take a step back…ask what they can do without judging and ask themselves how they would want to be treated. It is easy to forget what others are going through and how they are feeling when we are not walking in their shoes. Many of the “do gooders” avoid the signs or justify not helping because they think that the “people could have done better or brought it on themselves, etc.” No one wants pain, some people can’t help themselves, and yes, we are our brother’s keeper, not just religion/food for the soul, but nourishment for the heart in kindness. Brotherly love feeds us too.

    Some people wear silent signs, some wear noticeable signs, some written signs, some boast their signs, Who am I to judge?
    I now am more aware of reading signs and know I don’t always have the whole story.

  9. Margarita says

    Thank you so much for sharing. Beautiful message. I have two daughters with special needs that “don’t look it” to the outsiders I am constantly being judged because of their behaviors and my inability to keep things together all the time.

    • Jillie Harkness says

      I know what you are going through as I too have a daughter with special needs. You are doing your best and well done. It is a thankless job you have and us mums should support each other. So I know you are doing your very best for your children and sometimes you get it wrong but not intentionally. Be kind to yourself and I want you to know that you are very loved.

      • Miss T says

        I take care of children with special needs so that their parents can have a breather. Jillie- it is a thankless job but I want you to know how much hard work, and dedication is put into your child’s life.

  10. Jay says

    Thank you for this story. I can relate to it quite well, as my wife suffered an aneurysm rupture in the frontal lobe over three years ago. She is doing great now, with only some memory trouble. There were times I wish I’d had a sign that could tell people how I felt, but as you know, I just dealt with it the best I could.

  11. Claire says

    I read your Story via Daily Good. I simply LOVE it. Thank you so much for sharing your story with your authentic voice. My family is in a lonely place right now and looking from the outside the problems are not obvious, and even if known, may well not be understood, but rather judged.
    I too wish more people today would ask gently and speak from the heart. Blessings to you!

  12. Scottie Viall says

    I love this so much and this is so true. My sign would read, I was the little girl that was shifted from house to house and I just want to make life long friends that will build me up and stand beside me and not judge me and I can do the same.

  13. suzieque says

    Wished I saw this 3 years ago. it’s funny, even the ones close to us (neighbors, friends, family…) don’t see the signs or just choose not to. Thank you for sharing and not holding it in. We all go through life lessons and I think this is one everyone needs to read and hold onto.

  14. dana-from chaos to grace says

    Oh how I loved this. How I wish I could wear a sign that says exactly what we are going through. We have taken in 3 foster children , 2 with special needs, and I am struggling. Some days the oldest hates me and doesnt want a parent at all…..the treatments for the middle one can be so exhausting for me daily….and I dont know if the damage done by the baby’s birth mom to his brain will leave him mentally retarded and what if I cant handle it? That some days I am too exhausted to even cook dinner. Or that something will happen and we will lose these children I love so desperately. And that I am bitter at all my friends who have abandoned us when I needed them most. I am alone and I am angry no one has noticed or offered to help. :( It has changed me.

  15. Christie says

    Oh my goodness, I’m late to the party but just followed a link. Thank you thank you. This is beautiful. So so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this.

  16. says

    Thank you.
    I am bawling my eyes out and reposting this on my blog.
    You just made my struggle seem easier.
    Thank you for having the courage to tell your story.

  17. Jessica Nelson says

    Thank you so much for sharing! It’s hard for us as women to admit at times that life isn’t perfect. It would be so much easier to wear a sign so people don’t judge us so harshly. I hope things are a little smoother for your family now.

  18. says

    Melody…Laurie sent the link to this post and I’m reading it for the first time today. I’m so torn…sorry for what your family went through – heartbroken for you, really. And thankful to God that he led you though it to a place where you are sharing your light to those of us who so need it. Much love to all of you.

    • says

      Hi Kathy and Melody. I am a Brave Girl from the first on line class and love love LOVED it and soooo appreciate the eexinston. However, I didn’t get to finish the last couple of weeks as life got CRAZY! I could jump to Session 2 but i’d rather totally complete Session 1 and then jump into Session 2. I remember seeing an email a while back that said there would be a discount for those of us that didn’t quite complete our session but at the time I really thought that I could do it! So here I am wanting to finish Session 1 and get every last drop of the goodness .are you still making that discount available? If I could only finish it then I would feel more comfortable signing up for Session 2. Please let me know at your earliest convenience. God bless all the wonderful things that you ladies are doing. You ARE making a difference one Brave Girl at a time! Susan

  19. kes says

    I keep coming back to this post and sharing it with friends. It really helped me when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer to be honest with my friends and family about how I was truly feeling. Thank you for writing and sharing your story.

  20. says

    Thank you so much for this post! My daughter, 17 at the time, was in a car, stopped at a light when she was rear-ended by someone going greater than 50 mph. The resulting brain injury has taken her love for music, her love for people and replaced it with suspicion and distrust. It left her with bipolar illness which was unmasked and brought into an active state, PTSD in which she lives with horribly vivid images of her loved ones being tortured and murdered before her eyes. It took her active social life, and left her with the inability to form relationships. Although she has improved cognitively, she struggles to hold a job because of her lack of social skills. In the time since the accident, her 2 younger brothers were also diagnosed with mental illess, one of whom is severely handicapped from it. Our finances are in a shambles, our home is falling apart, and I can;t tell anyone because they do not understand the toll that mental disease brings.. Now my daughter is away at school, has gone off her meds, and accuses everyone else of being against her and not understanding or caring for her. All I see is her facebook posts of how she hurts and has “nowhere to turn”. My heart continues to break, and I wonder if the pain will ever go away.

  21. Tia says

    Thank you so much for sharing!! I wish we all could wear signs like this. People would understand us better and we wouldn’t have to guess what’s wrong with others and would never judge. Thank you for sharing your story because I know that took a lot of humility to share and it’s a great reminder to all of us! I’m SO glad to hear your husband got better. What a miracle. I’m hoping to investigate the blog to learn more about what happened and how he healed. Thanks again!

  22. Debbie says

    My husband was diagnosed with brain cancer in September. My yard is a mess and the kids are devastated because dad cannot remember their names. Our finances are a disaster area and soon I will be a widow. I can relate to this blog entry more than anyone should ever have to. Maybe I should just wear a sign.

  23. Norma says

    Melody, thanks for sharing this. I love it. I know in my family there are so many things we deal with that sometimes it’s overwhelming but I thank God for His guidance. I hope that I treat people with kindness and that others forgive me when I have not done so. We need to be better about reading each other’s signs. It will make such a BIG difference in our lives. Thanks for sharing!

  24. Loretta says

    I found this posted on a friend’s wall on FB. Tears poured down my face as I read your story and continued as I read other similar stories your readers posted. Your husband’s words to the caller were so true. Whatever happened to neighbor’s, friend’s or family members helping each other?

    The message from my Church this past weekend was about a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes which included things we say about others that are judgmental, not reaching out, especially not reading the signs. I want to share two verses that I hope will inspire others to ask God this question, “Who do you want to love through me today?

    Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
    Matthew 5:16 (NKJV)

    For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others, and to give my life as a ransom for many.
    Mark 10:45 (NLT)

    Thank you for being an inspiration and blessing to many. You are truly courageous!

    God bless you and your family.

  25. Jenn says

    thank you so much for this post. for opening up your heart for us all to see. i know so many of us (each of us, i’m sure!) have felt the desire to post a huge sign, but we put on that “i’m ok” mask. thank you, and God bless you.

  26. heart broken says

    Last spring at 39 I had a heart attack. My husband “dealt” with this by having an affair(s) with other men. In addition to this my career fell apart and resulted in the lose of my job this fall. I am hopeful that soon a light will shine and brighten my path toward change. Right now it seems dark.

  27. Jenni Whitney says

    Hi, Melody, I know what it feels like to go around in a haze. Last year, I had knee surgery, and while I was still in rehab, my little sister-who was almost like a twin to me and the light of my life-died in her sleep. I came home 3 days later and discovered my brother had talked my mother-who I live with and take care of-into moving. Now, I still take care of my mother, but had to give up the dog I’d had for 6 years and between missing my dog and even more, my sister, I live in a state of depression nobody seems to understand.

  28. Juli says

    This post really hit home for me. My Aunt and Uncle live on a beautiful farm in Northern Michigan. A couple of years ago my uncle was using one of those old fashioned plows that is pulled by horses in the field. A wheel hit something and it flung him from the plow. He landed on a rock on his head. He was in a coma for over four months. When he came to he had to go through intensive physical and brain therapy to re-learn many things. He couldn’t walk or talk. My aunt took him to the best clinics in the state, but money began to dwindle. Over the last year and a half he has been able to improve his speech and retreive many of his old memmories, but he still struggles with walking, and really any muscle movement. It takes a lot of patience and concentration to understand what he says even now. My aunt and uncle also like you, have many kids (8!). They are all grown and out of the house. The ones that still live in the state help when they can, but my Aunt is left to everything most of the time. She hardly ever gets out of the house. She has many frusterating days still. He goes in and out of his oldself, still. He calls her by his ex-wife’s name now and again, too. It has been very hard on our family. I agree with you – people need to be loved and helped, not judged. Many people don’t have a clue the amount of pain and suffereing that goes on, and how much energy it takes to even just get through one day sometimes. I constantly find myself just wishing for my old uncle back, but I’ve realized that he is still there and that loving him now is even more important than ever. I hope my aunt finds peace in her life and that people step up and give her the breaks she needs. She is not good about asking for help. I live 6 hours away, so I wish I could help more….
    Thanks for your words.
    ~ Me ~

  29. Beth says

    LOVE this. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes…”Be kind – Remember every one you meet is fighting a battle – everybody’s lonesome”.
    Marion Parker

  30. Debbie Vds says

    Wow! I am going through the same thing. My husband of 33 years had a severa stroke in January and he cannot do a thing. I now have 5 acres to manage and finances to manage and his mother as well. The help of friends is slowing down. I am trying to manage this on my own because I don’t want to drag anyone else into my nightmare. My prayers are being heard, I have that faith, but nothing is changing yet. I should wear a sign that says, “Be patient with me please. My husband is ill and needs all of my attention.”

  31. Terri says

    I found my way to your post via a friend’s link on FaceBook. When life directs me to somewhere, I pay attention. And, tonight the angels directed me to your post. I so felt your emotional pain as I read your story. And, as many others have stated “I too had a journey” that caused the need for signs.
    My oldest brother died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 62. Saddened, I forged on in my life. A year and a half later, one of my sisters died within two weeks of being diagnosed with cancer throughout her body. She was only 57. Deeply saddened and full of grief, I pushed myself to function and find normality with my life. It seemed that was easier than finding people who could be with me and my grief.
    Then just two and a half years later, my other brother died suddenly of a heart attack. He also was 62 at the time of his death. Devastated and grief stricken, I could not push on. I sequestered myself in my home alone. Too raw and vulnerable to function in the world. Sure I’d grocery shop and walk the dogs, but then hide the rest of the time. No words can describe how hard it is to function when your world seems to be crumbling around you. I know from your honest sharing of your post that you truly understand this.
    It’s now one year later and I can be grateful for the friends who saw my signs. There were just a few, but that’s all it took to keep me feeling safe and loved. I simply could not have gone on without them.
    Blessings to all the loving people in the world who care enough to step out of self and notice what a friend is going through. Once you notice, just share your love and they will be grateful you read their signs.

  32. says

    Thank you. Everyone suffers from something and usually nobody knows. Thank you for being an example of how to overcome. My husband suffers from a pornography addiction and nobody knows. I hope to be an example of hope and show that happiness and healing are possible again just as you are too all your readers.

  33. says

    Thank you, thank you. I am so very humbled to have read this story. and wanted to say that I know it will continue to touch thousands…even millions. That is the power for GOOD in the internet. Our congregational leader here in Connecticut/NY shared it when we met together a few Sundays back, and at least a thousand hearts were touched by your beautiful writing. I am so grateful to a friend who shared this with me, and I will now be a faithful reader of your powerful writing.
    May God hold you in His Grace and may you feel strength in the tough times. You are quite simply, amazing.
    An east Coast reader,

  34. Chelsea says

    i was inspired by your story. :) it made me cry. Thanks for sharing your story it gives me courage to go on and face the challenges in life. i hope i can be that strong like you and i promised i will try for the sake of my mom and my siblings. please continue to inspire other people, i think God has a better plan for us in the future and I believe that God will never give us challenges that we can never survive, Let us keep our faith in God and all shall be well. Amen. God Bless You always and your Family. :)

  35. Terry says

    I’m crying like a baby reading this because ironically, the one person in my life that I though would see my signs posted this on her fb page and therefor I’ve now seen it, you see, she always over looked my signs since we were in grade school, I was always the listener never allowed to be the talker. Not long ago I finally told her what I’d held in all those years, it was always about her, she’s completely narcisstic and she’s caused pain in every relationship she’s had.
    It was all my fault of course and I was being evil and mean… just for finally telling her what I’d held in for 25+ years…
    Perhaps she’s changing, perhaps she’s growing as a human being, I certainly hope so, I hope she can FINALLY see and appreciate that other people have their own little signs…
    Thank you for putting this out there & God Bless!

  36. says

    A Dear friend sent me this link and remind me to send her a thank you gift becasue it was so beautiful to read! Best post of the year that I have ever read! Thank you so much for this beautiful insight! Life changing!

  37. Common Sense Mom says

    Beautiful story. In this narcisstic, “me me” culture we live in it has become the norm to focus inward. Thank you for the reminder to look outward with a spirit of grace and generosity. We would all be healthier and happier if we would stop the automatic reaction of putting ourselves first.

  38. Liss says

    Saw this a while ago. Really hit home for me. Posted it to Facebook today for others to read. You are SO strong and amazing and express your feelings so well in writing. Thank you. I have felt this way a lot in the past few years, dealing with infertility + miscarriages and postpartum depression among other things. Sometimes we all need a sign so people will treat us more gently.

  39. says

    Hi Melody,

    I was just sent this post by you. It made me cry. Understanding that I went through a brain & spinal cord injury also. It has been an amazing journey to come back from, one that has taken many years and so much tenacity. I knew that if I just kept going that one day things would change, I would be able to do the things that were lost wandering someplace in my brain. I recently made an e book about the amazing miracles that happened along the way. There were many ups and downs along this journey, still have blips every so often yet I choose to write about the miracles. It felt as if it might have the ability to help others and inspire people to as you said, “be gentle” with one another. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    Divine Blessings,


  1. […] know I already posted, like ten minutes ago. But then Christine shared this incredible thing on the Momastery Facebook page, and I couldn’t wait to share it with you all. So wonderful. Just […]

  2. […] We Must See Past What it Seems… I saved the best for last. This post was written a little over a year ago, which would make it about 147 years old in internet years. However, it is well worth revisiting. This is probably one of the most moving and outlook-changing things I have ever read. Go read it. You’ll be glad you did. […]

  3. […] This post really moved me and made me think (you should read it; it’s life-changing). I’ve been reciting that old quote to myself a lot lately: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” It’s one thing to be kind to the sweet old lady who praises your daughter’s pudgy cheeks. That’s easy. It’s another thing to be kind to someone who’s spewing their negative energy all over you. That kind of kindness is hard, and needed, and character building. Easy kindness always makes you feel good, it’s breezily, effortless validating. Hard kindness can bring you to your knees it’s so complex and gut-wrenching and memorable. It’s like when I was little and I only got two Easter eggs in the Easter egg hunt but a boy younger than me didn’t get any so I gave him one of my eggs. That first heavy, aching sense of rightness is a feeling I’ll never forget. […]

  4. […] read a blog post today We Must See Past What it Seems…..It almost had me in tears. I lie, I had tears streaming down my […]

  5. […] became curious about this, after reading We must see past what it seems… a post about Melody’s struggles after her husband suffered a brain injury, and they […]

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