The Bittersweetness of Growing Something Sacred

The Bittersweetness of Growing Something Sacred

Going after your dreams has some kind of deep and beautiful pain that I still can’t describe. When you are in the thick of it all, there is a pain that is so real in physical AND emotional feeling…that I just wish there was ONE word to describe it so that when we are trying to tell people how we are feeling about it when they can see that something big on our smack-in-the-middle-of-building-our-dreams-mind…..we could just say that one word that would embody all of the fear, excitement, bliss, feeling of purpose…loneliness, exhaustion, confusion, shame, guilt, then the shame about feeling ashamed and feeling guilty, AND the deep love for our dream, the deep sense of protection we feel for our dreams….AND biggest of all the way we just have just had to let go of control….and surrender…and how when we finally decided to jump with both feet in, and now we feel like we just got pushed out of an airplane at 30,000 feet and then we each have no idea what is going to catch us….but we know that the plane arrived at the exact place that we were each supposed to jump…..so we did….because the faith that we would be caught really was bigger than the fear that we wouldn’t. Then…..we are alone in the so-loud-windy-silence…we are breathless…and afraid out of our minds and thrilled out of our minds….and so dang proud of ourselves that we finally just jumped….but then…still…so very very scared….

is there a word for that?

Early last Autumn, one of my dearest friends and mentors, Patrice, told me…..after she made me actually WRITE my dreams down and sketch them out with a pencil, and own them…..(which I did in great fear and through a great many tears)….she told me that it was TIME for me to shut every other single thing out, every distraction, everything that could potentially take energy and focus and nurturing away from my big dreams…and just go on bed rest with them for a few months. BED REST. This is a figurative kind of bed rest. Obviously, I was getting ready to work harder than I have ever worked in my life…..wouldn’t be spending much time in bed………..but that if I were going to grow the beautiful little spark of ideas and ABSOLUTELY meant to be dreams that were burning in my heart…..I had to treat them like a little baby in my womb that needed every single bit of me to be able to grow and be healthy. I had to go on bed rest with my dreams.

So I did.
For months. And months.
I sat in my bedroom, alone, and wrote the curriculum for Soul Restoration.
It was one of the best & hardest & most LONELY things I have ever done.
I don’t know that it could have been done any other way, however.
It was so worth it.

My little sister has been on REAL bed rest for months with twins who she has so carefully taken care of……..sacrificed so much for so that they can be born healthy and big enough into this world. It is startling as we talk to each other how much our feelings are the same. The sacrifices…missing the parties and social gatherings….letting everything around you go that is not necessary…..the loneliness….the guilty feelings about how much focus you are putting on it….the way some others don’t really understand…how you have to dig deep every day and remind yourself that this is SO WORTH IT, and that this is SO TEMPORARY and that it is worth this concentrated little window of exhausting and emotional time…smashing it all in with so much focus and love and 100% dedication…for something VERY SACRED to be born.

I guess I just want to encourage you to do the same….and if you are in the midst of the above described feelings….read on to the next post. I am going to really delve into what it means to sit patiently with that growing baby idea….and then nurturing it too once it is born…….which is where I am now….and all of the sacrifices that you have to make….and how it’s ok to feel yucky and sad and lonely about it sometimes as you watch the rest of the world going on without you (and the way you make up in your head that everyone is at parties and having fun and enjoying every second of their super fun and easy life while you have been working your bootie off)…….and actually I am finding that there needs to be a busted wide open heart word for that feeling too. It is so real.

Be brave enough to feel all of it. And please please please stand up and CHEER for the women in your life who are in the middle of doing this. They need your kindness…they need your encouragement. WE ALL NEED TO SEE EACH OTHER CHEERING EACH OTHER ON instead of trying to hold each other back….there is enough goodness, enough blessings, enough chances to birth big dreams for all of us. We need to be mid-wives to each other’s dreams being born.

Please remember that your dreams deserve your attention, beauties. They are worth the sacrifice. Your dreams are precious and sacred. There are unlike ANYTHING that has ever been born, EVER. They are SUCH a contribution to the world. There would be not a single book, song, painting, pair of beautiful artsy boots, favorite piece of jewelry, delicious meal or lovely garden had every creative soul who made each of those masterpieces not stopped and nurtured it along. We need you, we need your dreams.

Going on bed rest to grow something sacred is SO BRAVE. And sometimes, it is THE ONLY WAY….and it is ok. It is good. You will make it. It will be worth it.

xoxo
melody

Comments

  1. says

    Melody, This reminds me of this “I feel like living my dreams erases away some of those negative images on the canvas of my life. It says to all those people who shot me down, said ugly things to me, never believed in me, stomped on my dreams God believes in me and this life belongs to Him, so I am going to do whatever it takes to please God and not the world” in this post that I shared on my blog last week: http://christinamariehernandez.wordpress.com/2012/03/29/shedding-the-mask-part-1/
    Thanks for all you do to encourage Brave Girls
    Christina Hernandez

  2. Jen Osborn says

    Okay – so these past couple weeks I have so been wrestling with this. I feel like I have this big new dream I’m trying to make come true, and I don’t deserve it. I just finished making the last big dream come true … and the one before that … and the one before that. I mean, who am I that I feel I deserve all these HUGE dreams coming true … how many big dreams do we get to give birth to? Is there a limit? Can we keep drawing from our endless well of BIG DREAMS, and tuning everything out to bring them into the world?

    after reading your post I think the answer is yes … and not just yes, but YES!

    I think that if we are blessed enough to keep getting the ideas for these big big dreams … and have the time and resources to make them happen we’re almost obliged to bring them into the world … just like our children. I know that each one of my big dreams felt like giving birth to my babies … the love … the pain … the joy … the endless worry.

    You always make me take a closer look at how I feel about things … about the why I feel the way I do. And it’s always such a relief to know that I’m not the only one out there struggling with feeling left out or behind while I give these BIG DREAMS my full attention, care, and love. It can be so lonely and such a guilty place to live.

    Thank you for always lifting me up … supporting my dreams … being a part of them.

    You are a shining light in this crazy world Mel, and I love you like you would not believe for it! I’m so proud of you, and not only of where you’ve been, but so much so of where you’re going!

    love you

  3. says

    Amazing! You’ve inspired me. It’s so scary – and (i) we always get in our own way!! Thanks for the encouragement and support. I look forward to Brave Girls emails everyday, and just got my mom & co-worker/friend signed on. I think they are a very important part of the nuturing process. You guys make us believe we are special, loved, important, capable, and thought of. You may not know ME but you know of me. Because I’m the same – but different – as so many women. Just trying to find our place as a person, mom, wife, artist. I’m a papercrafter, and it feels weird to refer to myself as an artist. I tend to think “I just make stuff with paper”. But my 9 year old niece was over my house crafting with me, and when I got done with the card or mini-book I was making, she said (with real awe in her voice – I had never quite heard that from her before) “Auntie Heather you are an artist!” I wish I saw myself the way my niece, Paige sees me.

    Thank you for the encouragement and support. I wish you the best – and keep up the good work, because we need you. YAY Brave Girls Club. Women who are lifting others up, instead of pushing them down. Hugs!!

  4. says

    i have lived each day…dreaming dreams that hasnt come true…yet… no matter how i try… im always a step behind, i wanna look past that now… so this is really inspiring… THANK YOU.

  5. Nancy Mills says

    Melody calls it “bed rest”….. and that it is…. I have another name for it… I call it “marinating” (like a steak). I am ‘marinating’ in all my creative juices… collecting all my inspiration around me… going though all my journals, idea books, sketch books… cuz I just know something wonderful is going to come out of it…. I am tingling with anticipation….so looking forward to the wonderful creative thing that will come from all this marinating…

  6. Leigh Burger says

    My dreams are brewing and stirring in my heart – BIG TIME. I’ve taken some big-girl steps lately, but your message is exactly what I needed to hear to help me focus to push that “baby” out. Loneliness during my bed rest time is the hardest part for me. But, you, my sweet virtual friend – Melody, are the little angel that God put in my life at the exact right moment. Amazing really. When you think about it. How are lives in so many ways are disparate, yet so intricately woven together. Amazing. Really.

    Thank you, Melody. Thank you for listening to your heart and your mentor. For taking the bed rest time to get everything that was in you – out. Out to share with all of us. So that we too could be brave girls and find the courage that’s within each of us. To give birth to our dreams. Thank you.

  7. says

    This is full of such wisdom and experience. I can relate as someone who spent 11 really tough weeks on physical bedrest. I’m also brewing dreams. I’ve always been a good dreamer, but the hard work of incubation is the part where I usually give up. But not this time. I’m looking forward to what this baby dream will look like when birthed. I’m inspired and encouraged by the human boy that was born 2 years ago.

  8. Melisa says

    This is really great and I have so many people I want to read this, but sharing it with them even makes me feel nervous and fearful. I want to say THIS! is how I feel. THIS! But I’m not ready. For now, it’s enough that everyone here understands.

  9. amy boland says

    this really hits home for me today…thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. I am in a not so good place right now, & am trying to make big decisions about that i want to do, or even how i should accomplish them. Sometimes I let the necessity of putting others first cloud what my dreams might even be…

  10. Annie Harris says

    …Melody…thank you for your Dreams! Your beautiful beautiful dreams…and for sharing the pain of your “dream birth” as well as the joy…

  11. says

    Thank you for this.. Because this had recently been an issue for me.. Questinging wether or not my dreams or those promptings you had where real or just something you made up. The people who love you.. Truly love you.. Will not only understand the bed rest but will do all they can to help. So blessed to have you as my best friend.. So blessed.. Thank you love

  12. Suzy Bee says

    The more I complete or watch the soul restoration materials, the more I appreciate them and you, Melody. Thank you for sharing your ideas, your family, your dreams, your processes.
    Suzy

  13. Suzy Bee says

    The more I complete or watch the soul restoration materials the more I appreciate them and you, Melody. Thank you for sharing your ideas, your family, your dreams, your processs.
    Suzy

  14. says

    It truly amazes me sometimes how this universe works.
    Melody, I was actually thinking about sending you an email to ask you what you just answered so clearly in this post right here. “What was the pivitol thing that helped your dream go from just a dream to actual reality?” I think the answer is the commitment you made to your “baby.” As a mom, this makes complete sense to me. Thank you so much for sharing YOU! I found this quote not too long ago that will forever remind me of you…”The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.” – Benjamin Disraeli
    I am grateful beyond words for crossing paths in life with you.

  15. September says

    you are AMAZING. and this is just the tip of the iceberg. really. you are bearly into the first chapter!!!! I love that Magnolia Pearl called you Sunflower Girl. That touched me.

  16. Karen Diane Stewart says

    Melody–You always know the “just right” words to say. You write “Melodious Words.” Words from your melodious heart. And you know why your heart is melodious? Because you listen to all the chords it plays–and pay attention to the assonance as well as the dissonance of the heart’s sounds and words and rhythms and then you are WILLING to Cuddle UP in the BED of your body, mind and spirit with all of it no matter what it looks like and you do that b/c 1. your heart says you have to and 2. your heart says you have to. What happens then in that heart chamber of music and sound and art and creativity and bounce and life and bed rest is the miracle of YOU–what you and Kathy have birthed are little Melody and Kathy babies but in creative form–only this time it was your heart that had to dilate to ten centimeters to birth the miracle–and yes, sometimes it is messy and looks nothing like “chamber music” and sometimes it wants to drag you down into the dark tones but you know you’ve pushed enough and set aside enough time for this amazing thing to be born when you hear HOW IT RESONATES INSIDE OF YOU AND WITH OTHER BRAVE GIRLS ACROSS THE WORLD AND WITH THE WORLD ITSELF. Assonance, Dissonance, Resonance AND BED REST–it ain’t easy, but it sure enough is REAL! I can tell you that from personally benefitting from the harmonious sounds Of LOVE ringing true from out there in Brave Girl Land Headquarters. We all know LOVE is all there is–and that harmonious ringing happening right now is because of the two of you. Thank you. I love you both, bed rest and all! Karen

  17. says

    Dear Melody,
    So glad your mentor steered you right! Just think of the amazing gift you are giving to all of us through Brave Girls Soul Restoration. Your beautiful dream and heartfelt course is changing people’s lives at the soul level. I am so grateful I found you and I am really loving the course even the painful parts. xox Rose

  18. says

    thks for writing this Melody.
    I feel like u wrote this for me. I was feeling the way u mentioned.. that so many ppl weren’t for me at all… no support, instead, turned backs, hurtful words.. some communities, some ppl can be oh so mean. … People acting as If i was competition to them or something.. no rallies of support, no emails.nothing. It hurt.. It still does some days.. but then I was like you… I’ve been incubating these dreams for months. Months. Blogged about it today actually. thks for the gentle reminder. We should all be here to support one another. Amen to that.
    And instead of waving flags in ea other’s faces to say i am better than you.. instead we should lift up ea other and do what we all can to support one another.. amen Melody.
    Thks for believing in your dream enough to give us the gift of your dream.
    We all benefit.
    We all grow.
    We all love more.
    xo love you bonnierose

  19. says

    Dear Sweet Melody,
    I am so honored that you did not get up and dress for the “party”…. That “bed rest” was something that you honored!
    Now we are all dancing together in celebration of the birth of your dreams.
    I love you,

    Patrice

  20. says

    Thank you for writing this inspiring post…you’ve made me remember that my dreams are important! That I should try to find a way to make them happen…thank you! xoxo Beth

  21. says

    Thank you so much….luv this post..right timing…I am in the midst of waiting…for what?? I am not sure..GOD has me in the place for a reason…I waiting patiently for his guidance..

  22. Donna Peter says

    Melody, It’s like you know what’s been going through my head! I’ve been trying to figure out how to put my dream together, but with 3 kids underfoot it can be tricky, but you are right when you say “bed Rest” how else can we do it? I’m going to have to manage my time and really sit and figure this out! Thankyou for all you do, You and everyone else that’s part of Brave girls has helped me to Transform into someone I want to be!
    Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou! :)

  23. kim says

    Melody, I have tears in my eyes. I’m still reeling from Soul Restoration, still in the midst of all of the discoveries, questions, fears. I have never been so moved by anything in my life before this. As I read that you sacrificed so much and felt isolated and alone, I feel two things – first, awed that you would sacrifice so much of yourself for me and other strangers, and second, kind of guilty and feeling unworthy of it (just being honest). I have so much more work to do, including SRII which I’ve signed up for. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  24. Monica Martin says

    I loved this. I feel like I’ve been in a cocoon and when I am ready, I will fly…it so so important to encourage others too. Thank you for this xoxo, M

  25. says

    BEAUTIFUL REMINDER.

    thank you.

    i am so grateful to have women in my life who are encouraging and wise and BRAVE.

    i am currently on bed rest!!

    big love
    oxox
    kolleen

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