Dear Wonderful Girl,
It is hard to ask for what we really want, isn’t it?
Sometimes we put ourselves on such bad guilt trips that we just end up feeling paralyzed with guilt and shame instead of feeling motivated to move forward or change. What if we just asked ourselves to change instead of guilting ourselves into change? What if we clearly communicated to ourselves all of the benefits of what we are wanting…and then sort of made a partnership and plan for it. Love instead of shame.
Sometimes we let others put us on guilt trips that end up making us feel paralyzed with shame and blame and discouragement. What if we just made an agreement in our relationships that we just ask for what we need and never guilt each other into what we need. Guilt hurts. It does not have to be this way.
There are a lot of ways to approach things, there are so many ways to communicate an idea…there are a multitude of ways to get our point across or to ask for what we want or what we need. There is always a way to do this clearly and also with love.
When we can, we should always communicate in the kindest and clearest ways possible. We will have so much more success in our relationships when we don’t drop hints or assume or feel like the other person should be able to read our mind. We also will have so much more happiness if we never expect another person to be responsible for our happiness. We will have so much more joy and peace if we are clear with ourselves, always with the intention to make things better, happier and more peaceful instead of to hope that if we make ourselves feel guilty and bad enough, or even make someone else feel guilty or bad enough that it will somehow lead to us getting what we really want.
It is brave to communicate our hopes and our expectations clearly, not in hints or half-way….expecting ourselves or the other person to fill in the rest. It is also a path to a drama free life that is joyful and peaceful.
Please, dear friend, don’t let others put you on guilt trips and certainly don’t put them on yourself. Communicating in detail the benefits of the end result we are hoping for, really saying what we are feeling and needing and wanting is always the best way to go. Guilt makes everyone just feel stuck.
We are brave and we can do this. Kindness and love always win.
You are so very loved.