This was written several years ago and is as true today as it ever was…hope you enjoy it….
Last night I crawled into bed before 7pm and put in a movie. One by one, my kids came upstairs and crawled on to the bed or under the covers…except of course, for the big old teenager who was downstairs raiding the pantry with his buddies…
When Marq finally came to bed it was over capacity, so we carried each little bundle on to the 10 ft. long bed that I made on the floor for them. And, as so many of you know…there’s nothing like REALLY looking at your own sleeping child to pull you into all that is real and good…
And I have been needing that pulling-back. I have been pulled and twisted and stretched and dragged and bloodied in more ways than even my artist mind could have imagined over the last month. I have been confused with the ‘beating’ I’ve been getting lately…I know there’s a message, I just don’t know what it is…I know that my life has reached an enormous fork in the road….
…and, man, is it painful.
What I know for sure is that LIFE is asking me, at this very moment, what I am willing to do….what I am willing to pay….what I am willing to give up…and, each decision has it’s price…
and some of the decisions scream loud…saying “CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME!”
and some of them whisper while they sleep on the floor at the foot of my bed…and say in their tiny voices “please choose me….”
And I know for sure, when I really think about it…that the best things in life whisper to us, and we have to get really really really quiet to even hear what they are saying…seems like the deepest truths come in the moments of the most diligent quiet.
….and the screaming choices scream at whoever will listen, they really don’t care who finally listens…they just want SOMEONE to take them…..and the whispering choices are looking us right in the eye….waiting for us to make eye contact….and they only want OUR eye contact….not just anyone….us.
And everything has a price tag…and the biggest things require sacrifice…giving up something that is important or special or valuable…but all sacrifice means is that we are giving up something good for something better….
….and sometimes, the pricetag says, OR SHOULD SAY…”today only” because the best things often don’t wait…they can’t. Those whispering things can only wait so long…those screaming things will often stay there screaming our entire lives and we can choose to pick them up when the best things are taken care of.
So, if the question was asked of you….”what are you REALLY willing to pay for that?”….what do you think you would say?
You know what? Sometimes I don’t know that we even know what we are paying for…we just run and run and run and we don’t know what we are really buying…and even worse, we don’t know what price we paid for it…and especially, what we gave up because we were giving all that we had to it…whatever IT is.
If you had only SO MUCH in your pocket, and under the cushions and in the ashtray…and that’s all you had…and no more…and both price tags for what you really wanted said “everything you’ve got…” because that’s really really honestly what it’s going to take…which one would you take?
You used all of your credit cards….you’ve figured out that it catches up with you in the end….all you’ve got is what’s in your pocket right now….but, it’s enough if you just choose one or the other…..
….life gets to that point sometimes….and it’s what become our DEFINING MOMENTS in life….which things we choose in those moments…..
Sorry I’m being so abstract….I’m just really starting to figure some things out for myself. I am really being FORCED to figure some things out right now….I am being looked right in the eye and asked….’which one do you want? Only you can choose….”And, doors are being closed and a hallway of doors stands before me….
And, I know for sure that it’s the same for you.
You are captainess of your destiny…you are the one who has to decide….
You can do it…you are sooo brave.