They just drove away….my daughter Kallie, her hunkie and oh-so-wonderful husband, Jeff, and my little man…my 18 month old grandson, Jackson. This summer they have lived on our property in an rv they have lovingly made into a little home (http://www.weliveinanrv.com)…and today they’re headed back to Utah. Kallie is due to have a baby in October, and she needs to get back to their home to feather her nest and rest; Jeff is applying for his dream job.
I should be happy that things are going so well for them, I guess, but all I can feel is…WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! They are taking Jackson with them!!! How can they do that to me!!!!
I took Jackson for a little walk this morning. He wanted to show me the birds…I took him down the road to look at the cows. I cried all the way there and back. My little man has changed so much since they came in May…he has learned to walk, he has learned lots of new words, he can now reach the door knob without getting on his tippy toes.
All summer long I’ve seen Jackson’s cute little pudgy face every morning, fed him countless bananas, picked up a gazillion toys from the floor, gone on lots of little outings, taken countless walks, coerced many tiny kisses, cuddled every time he’d let me, tried to memorize how his little hand feels in mine…because I’ve known that it was a once-in-a-lifetime summer, and that there will NEVER be another summer spent with this little guy at this time in his life.
I tried very hard to make it count…to make memories….to take nothing for granted…to be intentional…to be aware and grateful for these sweet months. Because I knew that it would be over all too soon, and that some things you only get to do ONCE.
So I’d better be paying attention.
These darn kids….they come into your life and you love them and then they have the nerve to just drive away…..*sigh*….. I’m going to indulge myself with a good long cry today. And probably again tomorrow…
I’m getting ready to tell my son, Jake, goodbye in a few months. He’s now a man and has important and wonderful things planned that I’m so thankful for. I remember holding HIS little hand and trying to memorize how it felt…thinking that I didn’t know when the last time would be that he reached over to hold my hand. When was that last time?? When did he get to be such a grown up young man?? When was the last time I rocked him or sang him to sleep??
Why can’t I remember any of the frustrating, exhausting, confusing, infuriating, hard days of raising him? I can only remember the sweet days.
So…very soon I’ll watch him go out the door and drive away and I’ll be so proud and happy of the life he is beginning…and then I’ll go have a good cry.
I’d do the whole thing all over again in a heartbeat….