Let me start out by telling you this….I used to be a party girl….a wholesome party girl, but a party girl all the same….my number one question was always…”where is the fun?”
Ok…I will show you the whole photo…this was an 80’s birthday party about 10 years ago for my 31st bday….Here’s Marq and I in our alter-ego attire…..I know, hilarious….I know, ridiculous….
This is how I would describe myself now, most days…still a free bird………but goodness sakes…..I just kinda want to chill…by myself or just with a few people, and I really only wanna be with VERY KIND people, and people who GET ME and don’t want me to change into something that I am not….and if I am with them, I want to give them my undivided time…in the quiet, where we can talk…..where there is peace….where we can just sorta be…and make art….and talk about things that matter……….ways to help, ways to grow, ways to create more goodness in the world….
where did my party girl go?????
Thing is….I am profoundly, profoundly, profoundly happy. Profoundly at peace.
But what I am wondering today is how YOU view being an introvert, as opposed to being an extrovert? I used to believe that I was an extrovert, although I always ended up exhausted after doing extroverted things (even though I enjoyed them most of the time.)
Now….I love my quiet little life surrounded by trees.
I love the small, intimate gatherings that I have with a few close friends…the little trips we plan…the small intimate retreats…..I am falling in love with small, intimate, quiet. I love being at home with my family…sitting by the fire, listening to music…talking. I love being with a few friends who know me…I love being with a few friends that I am just getting to know. Not much of a BIG EXCITING PARTY…..but SO MUCH of something I can’t quite put my finger on……so GOOD, so RIGHT.
It is so crazy to think about how I used to live compared to how I live now…but I have found over time that I am actually most certainly an introvert…..I am an oftentimes an outgoing and very social introvert….but I get my energy from being alone……and knowing this and adjusting my lifestyle has made an enormous difference in my anxiety level, and in the peace in my soul.
Is it possible that an extrovert can turn to an introvert?
Is it ok if I don’t know?
Is it ok if I don’t care?
Is it ok that I am what I am…and you are what you are?
Is it ok that I am still growing and learning and becoming and changing?
Is it ok if there is still SO MUCH that I don’t know…and don’t know if I will EVER know???
I turned 40 last October….and so many things have changed in so many ways….way down deep in my heart. I am wondering if this is just age, if this is experience, if this is all of the soul work I have done that has peeled off layer after layer as soon as it was time for it to be peeled, and that I feel 100% at peace with myself and don’t have all of that wretched brain chatter going on all the time that makes it so I can’t stand being alone with myself…..Is this is a phase, or is this is the new normal?
Whatever it is….
….I am becoming a hermit…and I kind of love it.
“Solitude is impractical and yet society is fatal.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
To me, this validated the anxiety I was experiencing every time I had to leave home. Then, I started to research more of the words of Emerson and found that I am quite likely ok in my ever growing desire to live a private, secluded, simple and meaningful life in my long-awaited tree surrounded abode…..making art, writing and inviting kindreds over…..traveling only to be with kindreds……and being very careful about when and where I emerge into society…because sometimes society really does feel fatal. (don’t you think so?)
These are the views out my windows….the views that welcome me each day and make me want to stay home. I prayed my way and willed my way into this home…..
I never would have, EVER thought I would find myself loving being in solitude so much. I am not sure what has happened over the last year….but I just don’t want to leave my house much at all. I work from home, I eat from home, I entertain from home, I think from home, I imagine from home…I travel the world through Skype from home. I have conference calls and live chats and teach online to hundreds of women at a time….from home.
I feel like a new chapter of my life started last year….and that the shift was so dramatic and so compelling and meant to be……..and that everything I am doing, and that everything that is coming into my life is supporting the ability to live this way.
So, is this ok???????????? Yes, it is. I KNOW IT IS. I feel like I am right where I belong. Will this season in my life last forever, who knows….who cares? I am going to stop trying to figure it out and just enjoy it…
For so long I had to travel travel travel…….and got a bit addicted to the running, chasing, striving, winning. I feel done with all of that. IS this what happens at 40?
I love the peace of not feeling compelled to run, chase, strive or win…….but simply to be.
And that instead of seeking out fabulous destinations……..I am living life from HOME.
So….are you an introvert….or an extrovert? How do you balance your time alone with your time with lots of people? Has it changed as you have grown older? What brings you joy and energy and peace?? Would LOVE to hear your thoughts….
Sending you all so much love…
melody
Thoreau said “I have traveled much in Concord” – that’s what this reminds me of.
This was such an amazing post to read, it’s like you’ve written about me and my life, with the exception of the travelling 🙂 I’m 43 next month and found turning 40 to really be a life changer…I’m in favour of the hermit life now, I feel it’s a reflection of having come to an inner peace with myself that makes me happy to be at home alone, amongst all our trees and fields of sheep! Nature calls to me more strongly every day and I find myself consciously avoiding cities and towns and all they bring nowadays. It’s funny because although I’m more of a hermit now, through the internet and blogging, I’m connecting with more like minded souls all around the world than I ever was before.
As we grow older, we know ourselves more (especially if we do some work on ourselves) and we can eliminate that which isn’t really us. We chose to lovingly approve of ourselves.Thank you for sharing this today for me to read 🙂
I have learned this same thing about myself this year too. It’s a relief to understand that there are many women who feel the same way, and that there is nothing “wrong” with me for loving my life like this. Hugs to you!
I have been feeling this way lately too. I constantly ricochet between wanting the walkable downtown, knowing so many people when I go out for coffee, being involved in so much in my community because I want to be a part of it, make it better… Yet the past few months I have found myself saying, over and over and over, “I just want to move to a farm house and raise rescued cows and chickens and cook food, and write, and make my cooking videos, and read books”. And I think about this constantly now. I feel so torn and it’s very confusing and unsettling.
I appreciate what you have said. I have always liked my alone time but pushed myself to be outgoing because that seemed to be what the people around me expected of me. Then one day – a little later than 40 – I just said ‘no’. As much as a like people I need quiet. Time to reflect, time to think, time for me.
One thing I tell my students who are shy and introverted – “if everyone was an extrovert, yaking all of the time, then who would be listening”? It’s okay to be an introvert, these are the ones who listen and watch and will be the ones who notice, sit beside, and comfort those in distress.
It absolutely is okay to be an introvert.
I too have problems in big crowds….the energy as Lisa says is draining. But even when I do have the quiet time I like to have someone their to share it with enjoying the silent sounds of silent thoughts. Knowing that there is someone next to you or even in the other room you can still feel their silent energy and be comforted in knowing you are not alone.
Introvert all the way! Being around large groups of people (and sometimes even small ones) wears me out. For me, I tend to be a sponge and soak up the energy and feel the feelings of others so it can be draining for me. If the energy is really strong (good or bad) its overwhelming. When there is a lot going on, even if it’s really good, I always feel a pull to hibernate and ‘recover.’ I think hibernating is ok because it is a time when you are conserving and renewing your energy for the next season in your life – I just have to be very careful to hibernate, not isolate. It’s a learning process and coming to accept these parts of myself has helped me to be so much kinder to myself. Congrats on the new digs – love it – especially the stone hearth – gorgeous!!!
I am an introvert who loves being home, in my own space…….my thoughts. I would love to be able to work from home and create art, write, go for walks. I am so thankful that you share your world with the other Brave Girls and those of us who are finding our way there.
OMGosh! I feel like you were talking about me in some ways. I have never been a real “party girl”…although there have been seasons in my life that I thought that was important and did do that. But many things in my life have changed in the last couple of years that have changed the way I live. I got laid off of my job in 2008 and was out of work for almost 2 years, I got a new job at half the salary I was making previously, I have been diagnosed with some health issues that limit my mobility, and last, but certainly not least, my son and only child died in an automobile accident on Thanksgiving Day 2010. Soooo, I don’t travel a lot anymore (I used to do a lot of it), I don’t need or want to be out with freinds spending money, and I spend a lot of time at home. And I’m really OK with all of it. As a matter of fact, it is peaceful and I enjoy it!. I choose to spend time with friends who “get me”, and we have a great time together making art and talking and crying and laughing together, but I stay away from large groups and have really been enjoying the peace in that. I actually like myself and the people I choose to be with now…how refreshing!
Thanks for sharing that it’s not only OK, but it’s BRAVE!
I just really love you….
When I read this I thought, “we are kindred spirits”. I can relate to everything you said, except that I am now 51 this month and I have been on a journey similar to yours for 5 years now. I am so happy for you. Our house in the woods is not built yet, but the land is cleared and the plans are drawn. We are both working here in ND to get the extra money to build and then I will be a mostly hermit full time.
I am an introvert, to the max! It’s funny, just the other day I posted on Facebook, “I think I’m entering the eccentric recluse stage of my life.” And, I’m enjoying it. I loved reading your post – it made me smile.
Hi Melody,
I love this perspective! In fact, I am craving the same. I am teaching 130 6th graders this year, and am counting down the weeks to the end of this school year. It has been so difficult after having brain surgery and trying to teach again. I just want to cocoon and become something new! I want this to be my last year of teaching and I so want to stay home and create and just be! I so understand. These are normal passages and I think we all know when a door needs to close or is closing. Sometimes, I think we cling to what we know, but when that new door opens, we know that we must walk inside. I am waiting for the next passage and door to open. It has to come soon for I have been so anxious about everything this year and I need a new life. You inspire me so very much and I love to read your blogs and I too hope I can stay home this coming year and create to my heart is content. We all deserve to be happy and at peace.
Ha! This sounds so much like me. I have been questioning whether or not I am truly an extrovert. I love the term social introvert – I’ll take it!!
Fabulous! Thank you so much, Melody! I turned 65 in October and have been an introvert all my life. I enjoyed being with friends on occasion but disliked large groups. Sadly I thought there was something wrong with me ~ constantly compared myself to others who functioned so well in the world. Soul Restoration I changed me & my life forever & this post is such an affirmation of who I am becoming & where I am going. You are changing lives one person at a time (probably so many more at a time!). God bless you.
I really don’t think this is an age thing Melody. In the 7th grade I was considered one of the most popular girls and one day, the cutest guy in class came up to me and said, “you know, you really are a hermit, aren’t you?” I have gone in and out of the “in crowd” and had the ability to be friends with about everyone I run into in my life. The thing I have always known to be true about myself is that I can only have about one or two really good girlfriends and they have lasted all my life. I love being at home, not to the point of where I don’t ever leave, but I feel happy at home. It’s easy and I don’t have to try.
I do feel the older I become the easier it is to be ok with being alone with just the most important people in my life. It’s simply who I am.
I could have written this myself. It’s something new I have discovered as well. I am soooo happy as a hermit. I like to get out and enjoy life, but only with SUPER close friends that I am comfortable with. I like to be home making art, sipping wine, doing crosswords, reading…I am content in those things. I do love live music and have challenged myself to get out there and enjoy at least one show a month, but definitely not with a large crowd. Definitely not. I have a few close friends and I choose to spend my social time with them. I really loved this post. Thank you. I like to know there are others out there who feel the same. I am content in who I am and I am glad you are as well. Keep up the inspiration.
Hi Melody,
I am an introvert with extrovert tendencies. I think it’s been very confusing to people in the past because I can get up and sing in front of thousands, but yet feel very out of place and “lonely” when placed in even a medium sized group of women. I organize events for hundreds of people, promoting concerts and events (Art Reach Productions). But I prefer to visit with friends one to one, or four of us at the most… I prefer to stay home… I graduated from college a year and a half ago, and worked last spring at a tiny Orthopedic clinic north of where I live, 40 hours a week + 16 hours drive time = 56 hours “working”… while I absolutely LOVED the clinic and loved interacting with patients one on one (I’m an x-ray technologist), it was only a temp position, and I panic now because I will most likely have to work at one of the local hospitals, all shifts… etc… whereas my first choice would be a small clinic… but I’ll be lucky to get an x-ray job anywhere… they’re scarce. So, I sorta have the opposite problem? I think? I never was a party animal (brought up very strict) but I love going to a great concert (revitalizes me) I feel like I’m at a crossroads, and I don’t know where to go from here… I’m having a hard time trusting God. Him knowing what my heart desires and opening doors… I just don’t see it happening. I’m still working through the Brave Girl Club materials. I see you’re starting a book club. I don’t know where I’m going with this, just wanted to share, I guess!
Thanks Melody!
PS. I was in your class at The Creative Connection! 😉
If I could put my feelings into words…it would echo your words.
Wow…This is ME. Right down to having a photo of myself in the 80’s party girl and a hubby dressed like Jimmy Paige! from a party! Sometimes it’s freaky how much your posts are so “me”… even more than the boots and love of mod podge…
Now I am finding myself evolving into this “homeful hermit” which I would never in a million years have predicted when I was younger. It’s about quality time now, and when and where and who to share it with I suppose. I still have a yearning to travel and see the world and all it’s art and wonders, but I am at peace with being home now, that is where I am truly myself. Home. No outside distraction and static in my way. Where it is quiet and there is room to hear my own voice, thoughts and a place to just grow into this new me that I am becoming. Reverse social butterfly. But who says the caterpillar and it’s cocoon can’t be pretty and cozy right? Or a wild bird flying back to make a wonderful nest in what once saw as more of a cage. Once again, you have expressed my thoughts, feelings and the direction my life is headed in your post, and in a way, affirmed that I am not alone in this transformation. It is a good thing. Thank you for sharing. Again.
I love this, but I am not an introvert. The more people the more energised – or so I used to think. Now I realise that I love it, but it isn’t actually my True Self. So I’m also on a journey from who I’ve learnt to become to who I was created to be, which is why I loved your little notes so much.
So here’s to all our journeys to becoming who we were created to be.
Omiword. I got chills reading this post. It is me. To a tee. I turn 40 in November.
Then I get to the end and your name is Melody too. Freaky dude. 😉
SO HAPPY I FOUND YOU! A kindred Melody.
Honestly, I don;t think it has anything to do with being 40. All of a sudden one day, especially when something happens to you in your personal ife, you take a step back and really look at what is important, what really matters, what brings you PEACE. The word PEACE is a huge one for me. After my Dad died over 19 years ago when I was 31 years old all the other stuff in my life did not matter as much.
So I really enjoy my husband, my family, my friends, my pets, my life, and my home! That is what matters because they are always the ones who are at my side every day and love me every day and want nothing in return. Lucky lucky me!
I would not change a thing!
I have always been a “loner”. Only had 2 friends at high school, none at primary school. Right now I prefer my time alone (married for 8 months) Tried various jobs but struggled with the falseness from people. I turn 60 this year.
Yet I am lonely sometimes.
PS: I love your home!!
Melody, I really would love to meet you some day! You seem to speak my truth with every word you say. It is funny but I seriously thought I was a fun loving extrovert, but in truth, I was never really comfortable around people. I couldn’t wait to get home and I couldn’t wait for people to leave if I was entertaining at home. Now, I am much more in tune with my desire to be on my own, to create, to write, to be with my family. For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have a few hundred friends I could call upon at a moments notice. Today I am okay with my handful of friends. Like you, I am a lot more circumspect about who I want to share my life with on an intimate basis. It is important to set boundaries. I love being in my home, taking my dogs for walks, just being. I am learning to notice things in that solitude and that is so fulfilling. Oh, my son has autism and leads a very solitary life. I used to find that so frustrating. Now, we can be at home together in our solitude and there is a oneness in that. I am so much more like him than I ever realised and am so thankful to the universe for sending him to me because he makes me realise that it is okay to be on your own, to be yourself.
Hi, I loved reading your blog post. Yes I also feel the same way. My life also changed at 40. Before that I was busy doing lots of stuff, always on the go without stopping. I was always trying to reach something, get somewhere or obtain something. Everything was always based on reaching something in the future. Stuff had to be done. As a result of being busy I lost myself in business and feel I did not spend so much time keeping in contract with the people who I cared about the most. I was always too busy. There was too much to do, I did not have the time. At around 40 my life changed. My mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer during this period and my husband had an accident and went blind in one eye. I was trying to hold up the ford during this challenging time. In the end I broke down myself and fell very deep down. I feel I got a bit depressed and did not see the use of being so busy in life as I wondered what for, if life can just be taken away from you just like that. I slowly started coming out of my bad time when I discovered art journaling last year. Art journaling has opened up a new world to me. At first I just liked the drawing and the craft. I always used to love crafts as a child and it was great to get back into it again. In time, I learned there was more to art journaling then just having a good time. It is a way to connect back to your soul. A way to communicate with your soul. So through all these experiences, yes I do think part of it is age getting older does slow you down, but I also think it is the experiences on the way, that make us stop and think and as we get to half way of our lives, we figure out what and who is valuable to us, and learn to put our time towards the important stuff rather then wasting time, on stuff that does not matter in the end. As we all have to leave one day and can’t take anything with us. So while we are here, we might as well live the best way possible in a way that makes us most happy and this will also benefit our loved ones around us. I can see it in my child. She is not growing up with stress about silly stuff. She is growing up as a happy girl. I find it really rewarding to see my daughter so happy. I love the soul restoration 1 class, as now I am learning even more about art journaling. Especially on how to use journal prompts for journaling, that is new to me. I really like the journey. Thank you!
dido! reading this was like reading my own thoughts!
this is me EXACTLY! (except for the wonderfully beautiful views outside my windows). i used to be such a party animal (and not so good as you). i am not quite 40 (35 1/2) but I have often thought about life as a hermit and exactly what i would do, who i would let in, and when i would go out.
a lot has changed in my life in the past three years that i think has attributed to my change but the way you describe it makes me feel normal! and i don’t get that feeling very often. i don’t have people around me that know and understand me (just spiritual but not physical) but to know there are people out there that think, feel, act in a similar fashion to myself gives me hope that someday i will meet them and we will commune and rejoice…together…
thank you!
I am an Introvert BIG TIME, too much so that it’s actually NOT a good thing. You see I have depression and the deeper I go the more I want to be secluded, but that hurts me, I need to be socail for my health. It affects my kids aswell, I have a hard time arragning playdates, getting together with others, etc….. It stops me from continuing my dream and living my Purpose!! I’m not asking to be some big social Butterfly, I just want to live my purpose and being an introvert dosen’t do me any good.
Asking for prayers!!!
Thankyou Melody 🙂
I can so identify with your post. Although the change in me from introvert to extrovert did not occur until I was content to be alone with myself. That did not happen until I had done the necessary “soul work.” I was in my 50’s before I considered myself someone worth time with. Thank you for your post.
You know, in thinking about this further, I don’t know if it’s so much because of your age, Melody. I think it’s about life – yours, ours, the family – what it dishes up, how we respond, and the lessons we take away. Given what you’ve been through over the last decade or so, I think life came at you hard, you responded, and took away some very profound lessons on what’s important to you and those you love. I can only offer you blessings and a heart-felt “Well done!” (Although I would have to spend GOBS of money to get my hair to stand up like Marq’s wig!)
I love that you shared this Melody. I have shifted back into being more of a hermit too and I’m happier. I do a lot of what I want to do rather than what I “have” to or “should” do. I’m not trying to plug Soul Restoration but I see that’s really when my shift began. When I went to where the peace is. I found it in my heart, my family, my few close friends, my pets, my art, nature and God.
Love to all my sisters out there.
I turned 40 last November and I cannot believe what I am reading…I’ve been going through a big epiphany about how I really just want to be home, how I’m actually an introvert, being alone is where I get my energy. I actually cannot stand doing a “sales” job anymore and am happier sitting in my home office working on content and editing jobs. When I think of the perfect vacation is involves nature, peace, quiet and plenty of solitude. Your post is music to me ears to see how this is perhaps a more common change than I know right now. Especially, for people like me who have an outgoing past. Thanks.
Melody, you could not have described my heart any better. You have the kind of life I crave and hope to create someday. I just want my home, my home..not someone else’s I pay for. I love intimate gatherings and real talk and creativity, helping others in finding their passions through happy fun explorations, being surrounded by art in all forms, helping people help themselves..good food … all of it. I have been saying for the past 5 years(5 hellish years) I just want a simple life, full but simple. Living an ordinary life in extraordinary ways. 🙂 Thanks for the light, once again. xo
I totally get what you’re saying, Melody. “Little Women” has always been a favorite book of mine, and in the past, I always related to Jo, the tomboy. With age & experience & dare I say it — wisdom — I see that I am now more like Beth, the homebody. For a while I struggled with this change in me. I found myself really trying to figure out who is the “real me”. I have let the struggle go, though. I love myself as I am and it’s pretty great!
Thanks for all that you do.
Nancy
WOW Melody ~ you said it! You nailed it! Spot on! You are such a kindred spirit! I love the way you write, the words you chose, the feelings you share ~ the TRUTH you speak. I. can. so. relate.~ I too was a “party girl”…I too turned 40 in September…I too LOVE solitude. It. fils. me. up. It feeds my SOUL. Time to think, ponder, reflect, create, listen, write, and be still. For me,now, and being 40 is being able to pay attention to who I really am, deep down, and being able to recognize that, and being okay with exactly who I am, where I am, and choosing to HONOR my soul, the true me. And it is okay and so awesome to be authentically me.. . I don’t have to “be” who I think I’m supposed to “be”, I can simply be me. I could go on and on and on, really, thank you for being YOU, and for sharing. YOU are awesome, my kindred spirit cyberspace inspirational friend.
I stubbled across your blog one day about a month ago……..not even sure how. But wow am I glad I did. Sometimes I feel like we are the same person Melody! Like this ‘new’ normal has happened to me ………at the same time it’s happening to you. It’s very comforting and I look forward to every blog. I’ve read through your entire site, EVERYTHING. I’ve shared several of your stories with friends, and I think you are truly making a difference in the lives of woman everywhere. What a blessing, to bless others simply by being you. Thank you so much! I have truly cherished finding your blog (and website)! I wish I could get a group together and afford to attend your camp. It looks amazing! 🙂 God bless you!
I relate 100% with your words, Melody. I am happiest at HOME. With my family…a few friends. I write from home. I entertain from home. I cook and eat dinner from home. I get it!! And I LOVE it. And now I don’t feel all weird about it. I had been…silly I know…but I thought what is wrong with me? I used to be a party girl and get my energy from everyone else…but now….no.
Thank you!!!!
Loved your post–I can totally relate!! The older I become (I am 42)…the more time I need for myself. With a house of 3 (loud) boys and needy animals, I come home after a long day of work and retreat to my bedroom–sometimes having to shut myself into my walk-in closet for some QUIET time, breath work and if I’m lucky..meditation. My family thinks I am crazy…but I know what I need to reenergize! Life is hectic and way too fast paced for my highly-sensitive body–but I have kids to take care of, bills to pay, and other responsibilities…so my ALONE TIME is minimal. I take advantage of the alone time in my car commuting to and from work as an opportunity for clearing my mind….I know that one day my children will grow up and move off to college–and then I will most likely have more alone time than I would like. For now, it is a delicate balancing act… I do look forward to the day when I can take long meditative walks among nature without time constraints…
I totally relate, Melody. Completely. I’ve always been a bit of an introvert, but then went through the travel, striving, proving, never-enough season. And now, I am so like you, doing so much from home and loving it.
I think many of us are some of both. I like people and like social gatherings. With age I have become even comfortable going into a room full of people that I don’t really know. These people don’t know me and I might never see them again, a little like being anonymous. I think as I child I was a little of an introvert because I was an only child until I was eight. I liked books and read a lot, still do. I seemed to find ways to keep myself entertained.
I spent 45 years working around large groups of people and I retired 2 years ago. I find that my time alone is great. I always knew that I put myself together in my quiet times. I had to have an hour or so to myself at the end of the day to do that. It was difficult to do sometimes while raising children and married. I live alone now and wondered if after a time the alone would get to be too much. Hasn’t happened yet…….if I feel the need I call a friend to have lunch with or go check out some new shop or flea market that I haven’t been to or haven’t been to in a while. I am alone, but I am not lonely.
The hectic lives that people live today and have for a number of years now is crushing. I think we all need that quiet time to put us back together. Enjoy your time alone and if the need for people arises just do something about it.
I was a little shy younger but the necessity to make a living made me spend a lot of time with a lot of people. I am looking for something to do a little from home now. I would enjoy the little extra income and would use it to travel I think.
You have a lot of wisdom for your age. Be thankful and keep up the good work. I like reading your posts.
You are becoming more You. And You is a thing that evolves and grows as time passes, but it cannot grow if you don’t stop to listen and find out in what direction it needs you to nurture its growth. For some people it happens earlier, and for others it happens much later than it has for you. For some there are even growing pains involved. I don’t know if I am an introvert or an extrovert. I talk easily with people, all sorts of people, and I like doing that, so I always thought that I was an extrovert. I do know, however, that when I am overwhelmed or tired there are only a couple of people who I actually WANT to be with, who replenish me rather than depleting me. And although I travel all over and talk to hundreds of new people every day (I’m a flight attendant), there are times when I really want to just take a break and go out into the wilderness where everything is nature and fresh air and solitude and peace. I am happy that you have found your way there. I have not yet, and (being only 27) I have a ways to go before I can find that as a more permanent fixture in my life. Congratulations on listening to your heart and soul and mind. You are better off than so many in life who keep chasing the life that they think everyone should have.
I understand your heart completely…..and like a previous poster stated “It’s in knowing who you are”. I struggled with this for years….and I just turned 50. I have come to realize this much is true …you can search far and wide but “There is ” NO PLACE LIKE HOME “….PERIOD.
Loved your post and I needed to read this. Funny how you just stumble onto things at the right place and at the right time. It’s the universe reeling you in. Thank you and sending you more sunshine to light your way.
oh boy, can I ever relate to your heart– more than you know. 🙂 I am a people-person by nature.. I love people and can whip up a conversation with a stranger at any given moment. I am the one with a smile on my face in the store, complimenting random people on things that catch my eye, “Oh, I just love your hair!”. “That is such a cute shirt!”. Just randomness. We are active at church & I LOVE our church family & doing out-reaches. HOWEVER…. this once a proclaimed “extrovert” is def. more of an introvert without question. I love home. I love being with my family, and I am at such a peaceful place of contentment.. right at home. I turn 40 this year.. and I am finding that I am at such a happier place when I, too, am at home… alone or with family. I discovered that I need simplicity to help maintain balance in my life. I’ve always been a very simple girl, so this doesn’t surprise me the least bit. 🙂 I always thought of myselt as an extrovert, without question. I love people, I’m out-going….. but the truth of the matter is that I crave quite. I crave simple. I re-charge simply by being alone, time to think… time to pray… time to explore creativily.. time to just BE. So, I ‘get this”…. I find that when I’m more in the world per se… sourrounded by non-authentic relationships, they tend to pull me down and that “peace” starts to dwindle. I read something the other day that ah, hit home so much. “Sourround yourself only by those who will lift you higher!”…Ah, so much TRUTH in this. I’ve learned to be selective with my time…. where my engery is spent, and I’m at SUCH a better place because of it. I was on facebook (a lot)…. and I felt a strong conviction to step away. So, on Valentines day– , I deactivated my account and aaaaahhh… it has felt SO SO good! I don’t even miss it and honestly, there is PEACE. There were some people that were just draining me mentally, emotionally….. and since I’ve closed that window, it’s now a much better view 🙂 Anyways, I can totally relate to your heart. Is it the age? I don’t know…. I think it’s more of knowing who we are, accepting ourselves, living our lives for the One who matters, and embracing this beautiful life– as every day matters.
Meant to add something I remembered this morning after pondering this concept, hope it is helpful. I read in a book “Women’s bodies, Women’s wisdom”, by Dr. Christiane Northrup, M.D. About how the fluctuations in a females hormonal cycle correlates w/ her needs re: social activity, or what types/conditions, w/work or creativity are concerned. It is very informative, enlightening. So much was uncovered that correlated to feelings, behaviors, energy fluctuations, etc… That I noticed but couldn’t quite explain or understand. I think many of us could gain plenty from the info in this book. I need to read through again as I seem to be at a different point today. The explanation on the front cover supplementing the title is “Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing”. Hope you all will give it a look see! Happy reading! :-D. (p.s., I do not know personally, nor do I benefit personally in anyway from sales of this book, I just wanted to share some very helpful info. :-). ).
I too, turned 40 last October, I too, am becoming hermit. Loved this post.
melody…
i feel like what you have just written about in this post…you are describing me…who i am becoming. i am not as far along as you on “the path of becoming”. but your description on becoming more introverted, or more of a soul that loves being “home”… less needing the part of me that needs the super extroverted me to distract me from myself…to not listen to my own “chatter”…afraid of being alone with myself. i am becoming a part-time extrovert instead… and it is starting to feel o.k. … i am o.k. “just by myself o.k.” … less needing the approval of everyone and more of the approval from myself and my dear “true” friends & family… but this too is a process for me and i slip back to my before self a lot… i have always been a “people pleaser” to the detrement of myself. but i am working on this… i am beginning to have “soul eyes” for myself…thanks to you & kathy!
this post today…hit home with me. i believe i NEEDED to read this… it helped me understand myself more. even though you were talking about you…you touched and helped me! thank you!
enjoy your beautiful views from your beauty*FULL home with just your beautiful soul YOU…
xoxo…
-p
Never liked crowds, never liked noise or noisy people. Worst of all never liked pretending to “fit” in trying to meet others expectations. For the longest time I’ve wondered what the big deal is about parties and eating out. There is much more love in cooking.
Love simple quiet lovely peaceful…Took some wisdom to honor this!
Thank you everyone for sharing your stories.
Great post. Thanks for sharing. I love Ria & Alison’s comments. Walt Whitman .. sigh. But, most of all, I love this discussion and the realization of so many wonderful women sharing that it is okay to be …. exactly as we are .. right now. And, that may change tomorrow or the next day, or we may be different than we were last year. All of that is okay, and all of that is part of becoming!
Forty is great, but sixty is even better–especially for a new-found hermit!
Wow!! Your story sounds soooo familiar. part of the great shift happening for all of us. I changed my life last november and left a crazy hectic lifestyle in Canada for the quiet and peace of a fishing village in Mexico. I am done with: 6 trips a year to exotic places, working with the self absorbed, and partying. I love the solitude that ive found here.
No need to travel as i have all that i want. I am in an area with many expats who are constantly inviting me out for dinners and parties. I feel like the biggest hermit by constantly having to decline. I graciously tell them that thats not what i came here for…that thats the life i left behind. I am very happy to be with a few close friends
whose frienships are from the heart and not seeking to gain anything from me. Most of my time is spent with my darling little puppy who came to me. Very different life that ive chosen and wouldnt trade it for anything. This happened at age 49.
I can definetely related to many of the above Posts. And I was an Alpha Female when I was Younger, made the money, took care of the house, the children, the social life, a good wife/mother/friend/daughter….I can go on but, you get it. One day in an instant my life was forever changed. I was hit by a car driven by a drunk driver as I was walking down the road. My body was severely injured, I could no longer work or care for anyone…I was alone in my head. What I took from that moment laying face down in a pile of gravel was that it is okay to ask for help. Fiscally, I lost more than I care to state (it still hurts), Physically, I am now disabled but Spiritually, I thrived! It slowed me down….to a crawl, and I am for the first time in my life, having a relationship with myself. I am alone in my head A LOT…and when I do go out I am bouncing off the walls! I think I am learning to appreciate, and nurture both, the Intravert as well as, the bouncy extrovert!
I have been battlling Depression/Anxiety for years, at leaste that is what I was told. I have looked over this internal turmoil from every angle imaginable. If I am alone too long, that grey cloud will come, and hide me from the sun, and if I play to much I get burned by it. But what if ? What if my inner voice was trying to get me to move. If I got sad, lonely, etc…..I would be uncomfiortable….and change it…force myself to go out, and embrace friends, family, chaos….until the voice would tell me to slow down….and withdraw. Maybe, just maybe, I am not sick…maybe I am normal, maybe I am supposed to be both. Maybe I should listen to myself because I really do know what I need, and what is good for me…at this very moment!
I too was baffled by my seemingly contradictory extravert/introvert nature, until I came across Dr Elaine Aron’s fascinating work on ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ (HSP) http://www.hsperson.com. Suddenly the reason I feel as if I live with ‘one foot on the brake and one foot on the gas’ made complete sense.
High sensitivity is not about being highly emotional or empathetic (although many HSPs are empathetic), but about processing sensory data more deeply and thoroughly. It is believed that about 20% of the population are HSPs and of those about 30% (so roughly 7% of the population) are extraverts or ‘high sensation seekers’. We love being with people and enjoy new experiences, but become overwhelmed by too much stimulation after a while and need a lot of quiet down-time to counterbalance it. There’s an excellent self-assessment questionnaire on Dr Aron’s site. If you’re an extraverted HSP you probably bewilder or concern others at times, because they see your need to withdraw as a sign that you must be upset, ill or ‘not yourself’.
Understanding is everything and I can honestly say that I love being an extraverted HSP as I get to enjoy the best of both worlds provided I manage myself well. If Elaine Aron’s work helps even one of Melody’s readers I’ll be thrilled!
I turned 40 in October too and when I was younger was always out and busy and travelled all over the world. We just got back from a weekend one of my best friends and I realised that I don’t feel the need to travel any more, that I am quite happy living my quite life. I thought it was because of the children, but maybe it is an age thing!!!
Funny you ask! I have been having this conversation with myself wondering when I changed. For 54 years I was a total extrovert and thought life was being with people – not lots of people, but with someone doing art, visiting, laughing, shopping, gathering things to play with. I was “blue” if something wasn’t planned almost 24 hours a day. Twelve years ago I hung up my teaching chalk and eraser and wondered how I would survive without people around me all the time. 35+ years with 7th graders and then with friends and family is all that I knew.
Well, the strangest thing has happened to me and I don’t know when it occurred or how it occurred, but I like being alone. I covet time to spend with myself. I have a large family and love to spend time with them, but in short sessions. I love my three younger brothers, my two children, their children and now the two little great granddaughters, but after a few hours, I need to be alone. My husband has always been an introvert and I thought he had to be miserable doing his own thing, alone.
Boy was I mistaken!!! My mom is 86 and gravely ill and my dad is 92 and with her in the hospital, he is befuddled and confused. Except for his time during WWII, they have never been apart in nearly 68 years. Now my time spent with then involves other family members because we are all realists and realize their days are truly numbered and we don’t want to miss a moment with them, but I have to come home, spend time alone so that I can regroup and go again.
Never would I have believed anyone if they told me 12 years ago I would be content with just myself, in fact, I would have argued with them. Why this has happened really has me perplexed, I don’t know how I changed, but I treasure my time alone. Time to reflect, time to not try and please anyone but myself, do my own thing.
Funny how life has a way of spinning you around like when we played Pin the Tail on the Donkey and then leaves you to your own devices to find where the pin needs to go.
So, for now I will just float down this quiet stream and enjoy the ride.
You are such an inspiration. I wish one day to meet you and soak up some of your goodness.
I love this, I’m pretty young, but my husband and I love our “At home” time. We always talk about how we’re old souls. I travel a lot teaching etc. but every time I am away I am longing to be home. I love being with my 3 kids it’s just the happiest times of my life. It’s great going on trips, but sometimes when I’m away for a long time I wonder if I’m making the right decisions. I feel guilty for being away from them even though I am a stay at home Mom when I am not traveling. I just have no desire for parties, but since we moved away from friends and family I find it’s nice to get away and be with other crafty peeps sometimes. My true best friends though, are my kids and my husband, they always love me and they are my home.
Thanks so much for sharing and claiming your hermit-self! I have always craved time alone to read, think, create,etc. Often people mistake this for self-centerness or for aloofness (is that a word?). My hermit daughter struggles with friends who think she is mad at them because sometimes she prefers to stay home and read rather than hang out with them. I encourage her to celebrate her alone time to rejuvenate- I can’t survive without it and, in this case, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree! It is so important that we love and care for each other. Introverts are often good listeners for extrovert friends. Extrverts can encourage their hermit-like friends to getout of the house onceanda while! Both can can give each other balance. Thanks for helping us all appreciate the strengths of others whether they be introverted or extroverted.
Wow… Wow… Wow… Melody this is so completely awesome! Your story, this one, is so me! I could breathe every word of it, thank you so much for saying it OUTLOUD! What perspective it gives to so many of us!!!! We just need our authenticity to be validated instead of ridiculed! “Introvert” seems to carry a negative vibe around with it. I have heard so many of those negatives in my life. You’re weird, you’re unsocial, you’re a party pooper, you’re boring, you’re depressed, you’re sad, and you’re letting life pass you by…
No I am NOT! I wasn’t EVER! This is just me… I LOVE to be alone, read, write, craft, explore, learn, reminisce, breathe it all in. Just to smell the roses, no, actually to see the hibiscus bloom! Seriously, I mean for pete’s sake each flower only blooms for one day and I didn’t want to miss it!
One of my best friends is an extreme extrovert (yeah I know how did that happen?) and she came to my house several years back and stood on my front porch in REAL tears telling me I was going to be an old maid if I didn’t get out more and socialize! She was so afraid I was going to “miss it” and she insisted that I “deserved the best, but Mr. Right was not going to come knock on my door and say hey I found you!”
Yes, I had gone through a bad divorce several years earlier but no, I was not still depressed. I was however in solitary bliss! I had an old craftsman bungalow house that I worked on all the time when I wasn’t working at my J.O.B. and I had two beautiful sons that I danced in the rain with and played in the yard with and had hot dog cookouts and basketball games with at home! Their friends would pile in on the weekends and they played and laughed to their hearts content while I sometimes retreated to my bungalow room and watched them out the window as I wrote or read or made something new. I had so many plants my porch looked like a jungle because I took time to love them. It was truly a magical time for my boys and I and we were all three right where we needed to be, I know because they have both since told me so! Of course, I wasn’t completely unsocial. I had a job, my boys were in school and both athletes, friends came over, we had family functions and church. I was only an introvert EVERY chance I got!
The funniest part of this story is, that same friend and I attended a funeral together about 8 months later and guess what? Mr. Right was at that funeral too. At that point I did admit to the “weird” label. I mean who finds “Mr. Right” at a funeral from across the room over the top of a hundred heads as your eyes meet. My Mr. Right just happened to be a cousin to our friend that had passed. Divine intervention, of course it was and the greatest part is that God knew exactly when and where and the love of my life is also an introvert and we now have “our” solitary bliss!
My worried extrovert friend is still one of my best friends and where do you think she runs to or who she calls when she can’t take any more stress and drama! I love her without need and she knows that!
We all have our very own authenticity and all though validation from others is nice, our souls do always tell us the truth if we just take the time to listen.
God Bless you Melody, you are a precious soul!
Amen sister, I so hear that. I’m so grateful for all of my “party days” they helped me get to where I am now & to appreciate each & every step. I am most at home & living from my heart when I am with my family, my animals & immersed in nature. The world is a wild place & I believe it’s important to spend your precious hours with those that support you the most.
Melody, I am experiencing the same introversion! I was born and raised in a city of the size of LA. Millions and millions of people everywhere, always something exciting to do, always rushing…and I used to love it.
Now I live in a small town of 2000 people in the Rockies. A grocery store, a general store, and two gas stations…and mountains, and trees, thousands of trees! And deer, birds, gorgeous colourful flowers, creeks…and PEACE! And I love it! I am happy! When I wake up in the mornings I pour a cup of coffee and go to the window and whisper to the mountains “Good morning guys”…I and feel at peace 🙂
I don’t know if it’s age (I’m 43)…or we are just “flying again” with all the wisdom that we’ve learned when our wings were broken….and birds love peace, don’t we? 😉
So moved by all that you wrote – xxoo
Yes xxx perfect… I live in rural Perth in Western Australia and this is what I feel each and every day. Its a sense of peace. I come home and breathe out…and each and every muscle that I didnt even feel slowly lets go. I feel blessed that that is my home and that is how home should feel. Im home in my soul and im home in my life. Home IS where my heart is.
As always Melody you’ve delivered a heartfelt message to us all. I couldn’t help but think of this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZFuaB4n9q4 which was first on a reality TV music show here in Australia. I hope it gives everyone a laugh, it was the first thing I thought of after reading the post. I’d say I’m an introvert for sure but among like minds and friends, I’m a little bolder. If photos were taken in the 90’s during my goth days – I think I’d be pinned an extrovert! I’m used to spending time on my own and really don’t mind it, in fact, I need that time to think clearly without interruption. I have more ‘space’ at work than I do at home! I think I’m fighting for more of what I need than I used to but I believe that comes with age and really knowing yourself and knowing that it is completely ok to choose.
Hi Melody; yes I used to be very extroverted, confident; easy going and socially busy…I also liked my quite moments.
Now, I seem to be much more introverted and less confident…which I attribute a bit to aging and also to my move to Australia. I am Brazilian, who lived in Portugal for quite some time and moved to Australia as I met a man I fell in love with. Things haven’t been that easy.
I believe my first move to Portugal was much easier to adapt. I met great people, made great friends who I miss desperately. But thanks to internet we can also have a good laugh, a chat every now and then and also share a little glass of bubbly together. I charish those moments very much.
I have learned to live more like a hermit than like a busy bee as I’ve once been.
Sure I have moments sorround by lots of people, which I try to enjoy it but, hosnetly, they are not as easy as they used to be. It has been difficult to meet people with same interests…Anyway…I try to balance as much as I can but it seems I have more quite than lound days!! xx
I think you can be both…as a child I was extremely shy and had to repeat 1st grade when my family moved to a much larger school and then I learned to cope and I think my coping appeared in the form of being an extrovert, but now that I am in my 40’s…i feel like I am an introvert most time and it gets harder to play extrovert. I think we flex the personality muscle we need at the time and some people are just better at it. When I was younger it seemed more socially acceptable to be an extrovert and it can be a learned behavior. Funny…I married an introvert and both my girls are on the polar opposite of introvert.
Your post really hits home. I am one that loves to spend time alone, I love the quiet, sitting in my garden and enjoy the warmth of the sun or gaze out at the snow in the winter. I enjoy staying home and making art. I am now a caregiver to my mother so going out does take some extra planning but it really I dont mind that. Staying in and enjoying my home seems to add to my contentment. I also work out of a home office and my trips away from home are required every four months. I enjoy not being on the run. I feel peaceful, stable and content. Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts.
Hi Melody! It’s so awesome that you posted this right now! I just had a really good friend say I was becoming a hermit! I hadn’t gone on a few long shopping trips with her and my other good friend and suddenly I’m a hermit! I have felt lately that this kind of thing just isn’t really that fun anymore! It’s really hard when you are in the kind of transition like I’m in now and others just don’t quite get it! I need time to go into myself and create! I have to say when I told her to trust me and that I was o.k. she definitely listened to me! Another thing I’ve felt judged for is that I’m not working full time like my friends are. Somehow they are always suggesting jobs to me! Exhasting actually! I find so much joy in being home! I love my little house, my natural garden and my studio right beneath a gorgeous maple tree! My husband and I go on nature walks when we have time together and we take pictures and have the best times away from all the chaos that goes on in everyday life! I think that it is so awesome being introverted! I am not socially awkward or anything, I can be sociable lots of times and I enjoy the company of kind and loving people as well. I love going to see my son’s band play at this little artsy cafe and occasionally going to see a musical play with my daughter and I do love coming home and being alone after it’s all done and chilling! I love my “hermit ‘ times because when I listen to my inner voice I heal myself and find so much joy and peace inside me! Everyone would be blessed to experience that! Thank you Melody! I think you are a wonderful hermit!:)
Have you been peeking into my head again? While I have loved my past travels, I am becoming more and more at peace with being at home. I feel like I could go for days contentedly in my little house. I love the views from my windows, it’s where my peace is.
Loved this post Melody, you really nailed it this time.
After reading this I realized this summed my scenario up to a T! I am battling between the two it seems, believing something w wrong w/the need to pull back and recharge, balance myself, be. This is helpful info, now I stop thinking of myself as broken. Maybe my health will respond as I make positive changes? Here’s hoping!! :-). Thanks!
It is funny that you posted this. In the past, I took the Myers-Briggs test and always came up as an extrovert. Just the other day, I took it and came up as an introvert. I was so surprised because I used to be so energized by everyone else. Now, I am a stay-at-home gran/student for the time being, and I’m just really enjoying being alone (or with a little 2-year old maniac). I have a couple of friends I enjoy spending time with on occasion, but I know that I tend to shy away from big parties and other larger social functions lately. I’m attending Artfest at the end of March, and I’m actually getting nervous about it because I don’t know anyone there. Ack. I’m looking forward to the experience of making art, but feeling shy and awkward about having to go to meals and such. Ugh.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. You, as always, are amazing.
II feel so much better to know that there are people that are introvert by choice.. where as I love being home with the love of my life an I love to be with only my closest circle of friends,Never been a wild party girl but was more of an introvert as a child , dealing with people on a daily base make me love being home just enjoying the quiet times. I just need the peace and quiet of myself..this has been a process for me as I’ve gotten older in life….So glad to realize I am not the only one turning into a hermit. now i just have to work on that view of mother nature gift to us to enjoy..thank you for sharing
“I am an oftentimes an outgoing and very social introvert….but I get my energy from being alone.” Amen to that.
I’m strongly an introvert & could live quite happily as a hermit. That came into greater focus for me as my daughter grew up & is so definitely an extrovert. Yes, I can enjoy gatherings & recognize the importance of connections with others, but as you said, I truly get my energy from being alone & have learned to honor that. And I’m talking about not having any family or close friends anywhere in the house or yard for periods of time, or getting out by myself even if it’s into public spaces. The lesson/assignment in Body Restoration about going somewhere by myself to push my boundaries? I do that already & love it.
Hey… Hermits know some stuff. It’s hard to get still and think things through and figure stuff out if you don’t go hermit now and then. A nice balance is going hermit for awhile, having an excellent thought or two, or a breakthrough, or an insight, or a good idea… and then coming out of hermitdom to share it with some people. You’ve done that quite a bit, I think. I’m just finishing up Body Restoration so I know you’ve thought about stuff, and I know you’ve figured some things out. And you shared it! Thank You!! I think the best hermits come out and share now and again. Or, at least, send a messenge. Or a messenger… because sometimes hermits need a nice, long rest. All good!
I have this quote for you, which I hope you like as much as I do. Everything you said in this blog post reminds me of this quote. It’s from Walt Whitman’s poem ‘Song of Myself’ which starts out — “I celebrate myself, and sing myself – and what I assume you shall assume, for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you… (the way I interepret this is that what I think and feel and put out to the universe and radiate as energy… you will feel it’s vibration, because all these energies and atoms and thoughts and patterns are connected…)
…. [here the poem goes on and on and on. that Walt Whitman was a pretty wordy guy. But alot of his words are awesome…]
…towards the end of the poem (in section 51 of 52) there is a line that says:
“Do I contradict myself? Very well then… I contradict myself.
(I am large. I contain multitudes)”
I love that. LOVE that. One of my nagging fears is that I am a hypocrite somehow, if I like one thing one day, and don’t like it the next. Or, if I believe something one year, and don’t believe it the next. Or feel something at one time in my life, and don’t feel it at another.
But Walt figured it out! My man! WE ARE LARGE. WE CONTAIN MULTITUDES. True dat, Mr. Whitman! There’s a saying that’s been popular for a long time, and it’s a good one, that just says BE YOURSELF. But you can take it even further. BE ALL YOUR SELVES. (and yeah… the thought comes to mind — that sounds like multiple personality disorder. but its not. It’s being large. It’s containing multitudes. How interesting that can be!)
If you don’t mind that I use one of your phrases: You are so very loved! Thank You, Hermit Party Lady. Get some rest. You can always join the party later. The party will keep on going, with or without you. xo –Alison
Alison……..this gave me so much to think about….I bet you are one of the most interesting and fun people to be around. I love everything you just wrote…thank you SO MUCH.
Hi Melody! I think I am you. and you are me. in many ways! I feel my soul purpose is to inspire women to embrace their authenticity. Still working my way towards this. Also…I’m what Psychology Today calls a “Bubbly Introvert”. When I read that article it gave me such relief as I was starting to think I was bipolar or something. 🙂 Anyways, I wrote about this back when I first started my blog and I wanted to share it with you. I need to get back to writing! Anyways..you rock! I’m taking your Soul Restoration Class right now to focus on my own soul. Here’s the link! http://leapandtwirl.com/2009/10/27/bubbly-introvert/
thanks for being you. xo
I am an introvert that everyone believes is an extrovert. I try to make people feel at ease and comfortable and I do have the gift of gab. But being an introvert is SO much truer to the “me” inside. And, I’m WAY okay with that. Blessings!
Reading your post, I wonder if you ever were an extrovert. You mentioned how drained you felt after being with a crowd of people. Maybe it took you until 40 to realize your deep deep need for solitude and quiet and peace and now that you are giving that gift to yourself, you are thriving.
I am the same. There’s nothing I love more than having my whole big family over for a huge Thanksgiving feast, which I do every year, but like someone else mentioned, I usually shut down for a couple of days aftewards because it exhausts me. I need my lonely walks in the woods, my time in my art room, just sitting outside and soaking up some sunshine.
It’s really one of the coolest things about getting older, getting to know yourself better and giving yourself exactly what you need.
I used to think I was an introvert because I am outgoing but I have realized I have an introvert at heart. I need “me time” to recharge; large social gatherings leave me feeling exhausted. I truly enjoying times with just a few people or one other person; this is quality time I get with the other. I am 27 and have always felt this way but have learned to articulate who and what I am and to be at peace with it. I probably will have more fun staying home and watching a foreign film by myself rather than going out to a bar with five people who aren’t super close with me.
My friend once commented to me as I was listing off all of the things I had been doing, all of the ways I had shown up in the world, all of the ways that I had been running around and she simply said “Erica, when are yo going to honor who you are?”
And it stopped me in my tracks, and like most truth does when it was first spoken it stung a little bit… because it hit me right where it hurt… I had wrapped up so much of my being “worthy” in “doing” and being “Dependable”, “the go-to girl”, the “one that could handle it” and i was melting down little by little… never truly restoring myself…
And the past two years I have been learning to honor my introvert part of me more and more, carving out more alone time, carving out more time for solitude, allowing myself to revel in it, knowing that I then enjoy my life SOOO much more when my introvert is honored, nourished and respected.
I am an introvert but often feel pressure to be an extrovert. I’ve always been this way, though I can be extroverted when necessary. There was a quote once that I saw which I thought described me perfectly. “People who don’t know me think I’m quiet. People who do know me wish I was.” 😀
Yes I am an introvert, always have been, I remember being in college and not “getting” people who wanted to party all weekend. I would go out Thursday nights, but Sat night at home and all day Sunday was my favourite thing to do. Christmas time is such a busy time, once Christmas day is over, I literally crash and burn, I don’t want to see anybody, do anything until Jan. I always say that I find New’s Year Eve over rated, rather be at home with my family watching movies, playing board games with the kids, just being. I find alot of people don’t get my needing to be alone, alot. And if I have had a weekend away, I will crawl into my shell and stay there for days. LOL
My hubby and now I am reading the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. You can find it on Amazon here: http://www.amazon.ca/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352145 . Alot of “aha moments” while reading this. And sort of validates who I have always been, yet have been made to feel ashamed for not wanting to be the party girl, almost less than worthy. Highly recommend reading this book.
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Oh my goodness…I could have written this myself! Thankyou for sharing. I am 45 and feeling all the same emotions as you – exciting stuff, isn’t it?
so needed to read this tonight. thanks for sharing with all of us what you’ve gone through and how you are living the life you are meant to be living. HUGS!
I have been both. Never been a wild party girl but was more of an extrovert as a child(some might call it bossy) I love being with people but i also love the quiet times too.
I love being home just being.(Although I don’t have the amazing views you do)
I am learning that I don’t have to have heaps of people around me. I used to mistake quantity for quality or measurement or value.
Now one of my truths is that I have a handful of really good friends and a gorgeous family and that takes enough time
Hi Melody,
I am a former party girl, who unfortunately wasn’t the wholesome kind, who is now a somewhat happy introvert. What I do miss, though, are the kind of deep friendships I had when I was a party girl. The friendships where your gal pals knew all your secrets and loved you anyway. The ones where you could plop on someone’s sofa with a bag of chips and salsa, and just spill the beans. Don’t get me wrong, I have some wonderful girlfriends, but friendship these days seems like so much work. If we plan something, it always seems to be cancelled for one reason or another…life just seems to get in the way. I am planning a Craft Day at my humble abode in March and I really do hope some friends come and it will become a tradition. I love your photos by the way. Even though I don’t know you personally, I feel like I know you through your writing and art. Hey, and I just turned 40 in December. Thanks for all you do to lift us brave girls up.Oh, and you inspired me to write a short post on my blog.
So glad to realize I am not the only one turning into a hermit. I used to be an extrovert always going going going and now I just want to be alone, I don’t like having to go out I feel like I just need the peace and quiet of myself and my family while I contemplate the next phase of life and what I want for myself and my family. I feel like I have spent the last lots of years chasing things and even though now I’m still chasing (gotta love this economy) I feel like its really making me assess what I WANT out of life and not what I NEED! I’m happy being a hermit for now and I would love even more to be a hermit surrounded by trees in the country; guess thats what I’m working on now how I can make that work with my family and my business.
I think it does change as you get older and you learn more about yourself. You like yourself more and are happy with just being alone. It feels good, doesn’t it?
I love your new home! Everything about it, especially outside, is beautiful!!!
I’m not sure it comes with age so much as contentment with ourselves – contentment in who the Lord means for us to be… Loved the post – thanks for sharing. Melody – you are such an awesome writer – I really hope you have a book in the works!
I too was an extrovert who has turned introvert…I am almost 39…I too used to love the fast times, the parties, the busy career, now I am so happy at home. Reading your article I felt like you were telling my story. I still love to be with friends but only my closest, smaller intimate gatherings, I love being home with the love of my life, just walking the property or laying in our hammock just staring up at the sky. I feel more complete and at peace than I ever have in my life. I still have to leave my utopia every morning and venture off to work but then it’s straight home to my happy place. I suffer from anxiety on occasions so maybe that is why I don’t know and I really don’t care. I enjoy trips to the ocean, or day trips close to home, others think that’s crazy that I won’t take a trip around the world…but I don’t need to at this point in my life. Just know that you are not alone and now I know, thanks to your article, neither am I.
i am most definately an introvert but can be extroverted in some situations. Unfortunately, home is not a peaceful place for me…… but my dream is to have a life like yours! At home…. quiet, peaceful, meaningful, inspirational, surrounded by people who feel supportive, being able to reach out to others and inspire them. That is my dream….
I am an extreme introvert. What I have struggled with the most is that two years ago I became a step-mom to two very extroverted and noisy little boys. While I am happier than I ever thought I could be, some days I find myself missing the quiet of my “other life.” You know, the one where I was unhappy and always alone? I have to learn to find the balance, and that is the biggest struggle of my life.
I said I am an extreme extrovert, and that was no kidding. I could very happily be home and quiet for weeks on end without leaving the house. I LIKE being a hermit. I like my solitary pursuits. I am pushing myself to at least find others who share my crafty interests so I can at least do them with another person sometimes. I do find that I miss “girlfriend” time. (I moved 1500 miles away from my home to become a step-mom). I have to remind myself often that “the only constant is change.”
I really love this post. thank you for it. Maybe being an inrovert is ok after all. I’ve always been ashamed of being that way, but maybe it’s alright.
I love home. When I pull in my driveway after work, I feel like it’s the first time I’ve exhaled all day. My spirit begins to lift as soon as turn my wheels toward home. Home, home, home. How sweet it is!
Ohhhh my YES!!!! I know exactly how you feel!! We’ve almost always lived semi-rural….but a few years ago we were able to move to a VERY rural home nestled in the mountains. Hubby works in the city a few days a week….and it is draining…and takes such a toll on both of us when we go in. Coming HOME is peaceful, happy, and RIGHT!!!! And very small groups of true friends, caring friends, loving friends who bring quiet contentment and not drama are treasured dearly! You are not alone….and in fact if more of us could live in peaceful contentment….our whole society would be so much better off!!! Thank you for sharing!!! Sending you peaceful and happy snowy mountain hugs from Colorado!!!! =)
ha! it is so funny…every one would guess me as an extrovert..i am social, outgoing, funny, happy, can talk some ears off….but I really really am a true introvert..there are times that i get all freaked out and wacko…because i have not had any time for me..alone, in my home and in my studio..right now I am desperately trying to hermitize as much as i can…coming off of a 7 month long period of only having ONE day to myself….my little boys at home for the first 2 months of summer…then my 25 year old son, his fiancee and my 4 week old grandson moved in with us. It was originally only supposed to be 2 months..okay i can do anything for 8 weeks..no biggie…it ended up being 5! Winter is when i can hole up in my home…i take my boys to school and then i have 7 precious hours to myself for 4 days a week…hubby works 4 day weeks now…so that is what i get. It keeps seeming like things happen, people come and stay and i have to go places…so i am struggling to get my alone time..slowly the hours are banking back up and i am healing….but there are days i just wish i didn’t have to leave for weeks on end…if my life would let me…i am sure i would! haha! Art (my hubby) brought home a Time magazine..a couple of weeks ago…a whole article dedicated to the subject. He took the test and he got 13 points out of 15 to indicate he is an introvert…i got 14 out of 15! so there it is official…and i do know my sanity counts on it. I have felt that life really begins at 40. I am now 46…and i can say i have had more fun in life the past 6 years than ever. You get the crap out of the way in your 20’s, you really learn who you are in your 30’s and when you hit 40…it is time to enjoy all of the wisdom you have gathered so far….you let go of all the unnecessary things and all of the people that don’t reflect who you are…and really start to ENJOY life! I say i have hit my second childhood…the one that got left behind when i was 8…..and am enjoying a happy childhood for the rest of my life! I do really believe..the true essence of who we are is that little girl(or boy) that we were when we were little…i still enjoy all of the things that i enjoyed then! Playing house, teaching, making art, playing dolls, sewing…oh and playing in the garden..it was such a joy to help my Dad when i was little….so here’s to being a hermit enjoying a happy second childhood!….and sorry for the novel…this is definitely a subject close to my heart!
love and hugs!
angela
“hi, i’m Elena, and i’m an introvert.” 🙂
all kidding aside, i really am. i’ve always loved having alone time. listening to music, reading, writing, painting…sometimes just laying there and thinking. it keeps me aware. at peace. it feeds every part of me, honestly.
but because i’m young(ish), and i’m surrounded by people who are full-force extroverts, i find that i have a tendency to apologize for the way that i am. i don’t want to give off the wrong vibe, appear cold or withdrawn. i love people, i really do. but i’d much rather sit down one-on-one over a cup of coffee and share stories rather than hang out with a large group. in groups, i shut down. i get overwhelmed. the real me doesn’t shine through.
however, since life is not all about me (i know; shocking, right?!), i’m learning to compromise. give and take. venture out into the big ol’ world filled with tons of people and be social. enjoy life with all those extroverts i love. and then take some time to myself. then venture out again. then withdraw. it’s an ebb and flow kind of thing. but it’s working for me.
thanks for sharing your thoughts, Melody!
xo,
ep.
I love to entertain large groups at my home. I love that I can make a lot of people happy at once without being the center of attention. However, I spend most of the next day sleeping or doing other “recharging” stuff. Same with Christmas, we spend two days with family and then I go into hermit mode for a couple of days.
Love this post… love that you have discovered your true self at such a young age… 😉 It took me until my early 50’s to find it. I love solitude… I love quiet. I am uncomfortable in a crowd, and unhappy in a place with loud noise. I love traveling around in my mind and discovering the beauty that was hiding there for 50 some years…
You’ve helped me so much, in finding out who I am – I wish for you the happiest life EVAH. <—- said in my best NJ voice…
Look down at your feet right this moment – you are right where you are supposed to be.
xoxo
love you my friend…
sandi