Archives for – doing difficult things

I love my beautiful body…

1st May 2013 by Kathy Wilkins under -- doing difficult things, EVERYDAY BRAVE, featured post

You might remember Kallie…an original Brave Girl and a great blogger who has written many incredible posts for us. She also happens to be my oldest daughter! If you’ve wondered where she disappeared to, this beautiful piece she recently wrote will fill in some of those blanks. She wrote it last week as she was struggling through her 4th pregnancy…with a lap full of little ones and a very painful blood clot in her leg that, although harmless, had caused weeks of suffering with no relief in site. In the middle of all of that, she wrote this beautiful piece. I hope it makes you feel as good as it made me feel.

love, kathy

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I love my beautiful body. It has done many miraculous things in its short 30 years, and will yet do marvelous things throughout my life and until it takes its last breath.

Brave Girls Club - This body is sacred

This body has taken me to incredible places…on hikes, on walks, on runs…to the mountains, oceans, rivers and rolling hills of this world….to the north, south, east and west where I’ve seen incredible things and met people whose love I hold in my heart.

This body has hugged the ones I love most. It has cleaned and cooked and cared for my family. It has experienced pregnancy and born our beautiful, kind, wonderful children. It has allowed me to experience things and express things that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to experience or express.

I love, honor and cherish my body for the priceless gift it is – a gift from God, given with weaknesses and frailties….opportunities for me to learn and grow.

I show my body I love it by speaking and thinking good words and thoughts about it. I love it, so I dress it well, groom it well and treat it the way I treat others that I love.

I honor my body by feeding it only the best food I have to offer it. I honor my body by listening to it, and trusting it when it asks me to stay away from certain foods and experiences. I honor it by giving it all the rest it requires – real, restful, deep sleep. I honor it by not expecting it to be able to do things that are beyond its capacity.

Brave Girls Club - I cherish my body

I show my body that I cherish it by treating it with compassion and mercy…by acknowledging its strengths and by gently, patiently, lovingly helping it overcome its weaknesses.

I love my hands for all the things they do before I even think to ask them.

I love my arms for the things they’ve allowed me to hold and carry….for holding my loved ones near to me…for cradling my babies.

I love my shoulders for the burdens they gracefully bear – burdens which are sometimes much bigger and heavier than it seems they should be asked to carry.

I love my neck for all that it lovingly supports…for all the coming and going it oversees – new blood in, old blood out, fresh air in, dead air out.

I love my head – my ears, my eyes, my nose, my mouth – through those tiny and under appreciated parts of me I experience the world…sweet conversations, laughter, the way the mountains look when the sun is just coming up, blue sky with giant puffy clouds, my babies’ first moments of life and every moment after that, Jeff’s blue, blue eyes and all the newness each year brings to his face, warm sunshine, flowers in spring, bird songs, wind and all the loveliness that home, family and life offer me.

kallieandjeff

I love my brain for the memories it tenderly holds. For reasoning through my greatest troubles, for guarding and controlling my complicated body systems.

I love my chest for all its years of breath in and breath out. I love it for holding my heart and for feeling fully all of the highs and lows myself and those I love have been through.

I love my abdomen for all it tightly holds. For carefully taking what my body needs from the food I give it…for the cleansing and purifying and detoxifying that happens there. For cradling each baby for 9 long months – providing everything they need and protecting them from harm. For stubbornly clinging to stretch marks – evidence that babies have grown there.

kallie-backpack

I love my hips for allowing me to freely move and bend. I love my bum for giving me a place to comfortably sit. I love my legs for holding me upright and for carrying me wherever I want to go.

I love my knees for holding me so often at toddler height. For providing a place for me to go for my most important conversations. For easily bending and unbending, allowing me to move freely.

kallie-family

I love my feet for all the places they’ve taken me. For the fun things we’ve done – jumping, walking, running, playing, swimming, long hours of cooking and baking. I even love my tiny little toes.

This body is the most magnificent blessing I have received or will ever receive. It is the starting place for all other blessings in my life. I will do my best today and every day to show my gratitude, love and appreciation for all the things this beautiful body does for me.

kallie

tags: body image, kallie, motherhood

30 Comments →

Before I tell you about Manila…..something happened tonight in a bookstore…..

22nd January 2013 by melody under -- doing difficult things, EVERYDAY BRAVE, featured post

Tomorrow I will have a whole bunch of photos from Manila.

I have not been ready to write about it yet anyway…but the photos will be a push to get me to finish writing it all down…or at least to begin. I feel weird since I got home…in ways I can’t explain. I saw things that I will never be able to erase from my soul…things that I can not allow to NOT change the course of my life. I saw their eyes…I saw their souls……I saw the dark sewer that is drowning them, chaining them, trapping them, tricking them…..I saw the way that people are disgusted by the sewer and so do not see the soul drowning in it…they just look away.

But something happened tonight that showed me just how much of a shift in perception and heart I had there….something really happened to me there. A big cracking open and a huge healing up…..I am different. I feel whole….more whole….I feel expanded and smooshed all at the same time. Cracked and glued back together.

But tonight…

I had to drive my daughter out in the bitter cold. I was at a bookstore in a town I usually don’t go to. My daughter had an event that lasted a few hours, and rather than take her there and drive the long way home…I decided to stay and wait until she was done…so I found a bookstore….got a warm drink…gathered a few books and sat down for a few minutes of solitude.

I was reading a book about art.

A big tall bearded man, clearly homeless (or so it seemed)…walked up to me and asked me if I was an artist. He was disheveled…hairy….not very clean….in old military clothing and very tall and large. He talked really loud. Everyone in the bookstore could hear him. He just walked right up to me like he knew me. He started talking to me before he even got over to me…maybe 5 or 6 feet away from me…he just looked at me and started talking and headed toward me.

Normally this would have frightened me or made me feel uncomfortable. I would have made a reason to get up and leave quickly….. but I didn’t. I didn’t even think about it.

I thought about all of the people in Manila that I sat and talked with on the streets…people who, at home…I would have walked past because of social stigmas or because I was afraid……but I thought about how it was natural there to want to be with them and help…and how when I looked…I saw them….and how their souls ached…how they felt invisible and forgotten and less-than. Actually, as I was talking to this man….I didn’t even think about all of that until after he left…I didn’t really have to…it was easy what happened with him…

I just looked into his eyes.

That is what I learned in Manila….that those girls in the streets and the bars and the brothels…….no one really looks into their eyes…just at their bodies. Same with the pimps…they are hurting too.

We need to look into each other’s eyes. Seriously. When did we stop doing that, anyway?

I looked into his eyes. They were kind. He just wanted someone to talk to. He told me he was also an artist. He took his coat off and showed me all of his tattoos. He designed them and had someone put them on him. I asked him to sit down.

He sang me a song that he wrote, right there in the bookstore. It was a song about how he gave up whisky and wine. He told me that sometimes he sings it on open mic night hoping it will help someone out. His hands shook erratically while he spoke…back and forth…not like he was jittery….like there was something in his muscles that he just can’t control. He quoted verses of scripture that keep him going. He told me that when he was in the military, he got a head injury…and now he lives in a home for the mentally ill, where he feels like he is going more crazy. (and this is where I had to swallow the big lump in my throat…thinking about my husband’s head injury and how easily this could have been HIM)

He told me about the music he likes…and how he likes to write songs. He asked me if he could sing me another one of his songs.

He told me that he has had a few ladies in his life, but none stay very long. He told me he is too old for that now anyway. He told me he likes to read books and learn as much as he can. He told me that he has some inventions up his sleeve that he is going to make happen someday.

I don’t know why I would have walked away from him before I went on this trip. Fear, I guess. I could feel others staring over at me as I spoke with him…I realized that I wasn’t even embarrassed and I didn’t even care what anyone in that bookstore thought……even though he had a really loud voice…and talked a lot like a child. I really just wanted to hug him. Sometimes he sounded a little bit paranoid and erratic. But…really….he was just a guy…a soul. He had a rough life and now he is alone. When we started talking…he was really just like me in so many ways…and just like you. He just wants to be seen, understood, accepted, loved, heard.

He really was so kind. He gave me 15 minutes of his time…maybe it was longer. I feel better for it. I would have missed out big time if I would have walked away…looked away….turned away. When we parted ways he took my hand and said “God Bless you, Melody.” And I said “God Bless YOU, Steve” …..I will never forget him.

So……..really….I am so done looking away, turning away, walking away.

That is what I brought back from Manila.

(and I can’t wait to begin to tell you the stories of all of the days we spend there)

Love and love and love and love and love.

And then love some more.

Please. (for all of us)

Thank you for listening to ME…it means a lot.

xoxo

melody

p.s.

83 Comments →

OH my WORD…THINK before you say YES! (it will change your life)

2nd January 2013 by melody under -- doing difficult things, BEAUTIFUL ART + WORDS, EVERYDAY BRAVE, featured post

Did you choose a word for this year?

I like the whole “word of the year” thing that so many of us do at the beginning of each year. I remember this huge trend originating with one of my peers many years back, http://www.aliedwards.com/ “one little word”…..it has grown to be such a cool thing out of such a brilliantly simple concept. Nice work, Ali…..thank you for all that it has brought into my life and the lives of so many others!

So….My word for this year is YES….but not just YES…..”SACRED YES”….

(yes, I am a rebel and choosing TWO WORDS)

let me explain…

LAST YEAR, 2012, my word was “SACRED” and by sacred, I meant….holy…I meant, important…I meant MOST IMPORTANT and best….not just what is good for my life, but what is BEST….what is most sacred to me, and to my little life that I am in charge of…what is best for my family, for my marriage, for my body, for my business…for the very unique path that I am on…..and ALSO to hold sacred the very unique path that EVERY OTHER SOUL is on….to hold all of that SO SACRED…..

LAST YEAR, I also decided that I wanted to have ONE PERFECT YEAR….

AND SO….

…it ended up being a year of “SACRED NO” … and I wasn’t really expecting that, I was more expecting that I would start making better choices, saying YES more to things that are sacred to me….but what I learned, is that I didn’t really have room for anything else, and that the reason my soul was yearning for sacred, was because my whole life was too cluttered, crowded, jumbled and noisy to even be able to really hear that teenie little voice that sacred often uses to speak to us….

So, it ended up being the year of the SACRED NO.

It came along in all sorts of ways, whether I planned for them or not. The SACRED NO came to my body physically (through a horrific bout of chronic hives that has gone on for nearly 6 months now that you can read about HERE if you want to…and a crash in my adrenal system), to my mind stubbornly, to my heart spiritually. My whole soul was not going to let me get away with anything in 2012. After 41 years of being on this planet…..I finally learned to say no. (and kicking and screaming a bit, admittedly)

…because I LIKE TO SAY YES. I have mostly said YES my whole entire life to whatever showed up, and I took pride in making the very most of every single thing that ever showed up. (but, my friends, yes has gotten me into a world of trouble along the way when not treated with the sacredness that both YES and NO deserve)

HERE’S THE TRUTH……..one of the best lessons I learned last year, and honestly, one of the best lessons I have learned in my entire life…is that to be able to say YES to things that we hold most sacred, we absolutely, positively, 100% MUST SAY NO to almost everything else. Because…there just isn’t time, brain space, physical energy, OR heart to be able to say YES to stuff that is cluttering us up,stuff that hurts our souls, stuff that distracts us from our truest life, stuff that shows up and we feel obligated to say YES to…… and then also say YES to what is most sacred to us…what is MEANT for us, we just can’t say YES to all of that stuff at the same time……because the sacred stuff really needs our focus, attention and whole heart. THE SACRED STUFF needs our best self, and in return, gifts us with THE BEST LIFE we could ever imagine, live, or utilize to serve the world in the very best ways.

So….about having a PERFECT YEAR. Last year (2012) so many incredible things happened…and so many VERY HARD, DIFFICULT and PAINFUL things happened too. I was sick for at least half of the year. I had to let people down because of it, I had to let myself down because of it. I had to redefine what it means to be “productive”, “successful” and “valuable” because I have NEVER had anything stop me from being a hard worker. I have never had such challenges with my body. (I would urge you to look into BODY RESTORATION, our online course that starts next week and only runs twice this year….THAT curriculum is how my soul got through my body challenges this last year) I looked like unrecognizable so many days and my body hurt and ached and would hardly move some days. My brain and creativity hit a stand still many days.

LET ME TELL YOU WHY IT WAS THE MOST PERFECT YEAR OF MY LIFE…..

If you think of your favorite movie or your favorite book or your favorite story or your favorite legend…….it is kind of a perfect story, isn’t it? What makes it perfect is NOT a perfect outcome…it is not perfectly laid out plans that perfectly come to fruition…it is ALWAYS the struggle that makes it a perfect story….it is ALWAYS the overcoming, the bravery, the weakness, the mistakes, the failures, the surprises…that make it a perfect story…….

SOOOOOOO…..that being said…..2012 held all of those things in my own life. I am looking forward to 2013 being another perfect year. Perfect in it’s complete zigzaggy path, perfect in it’s struggle, perfect in it’s lessons.

I AM SAYING YES to it. I have room now, because I finally learned to say no.

Here’s to SACRED YES and SACRED NO……because the very best gift we have EVER been given is our ability to choose….so really, the most sacred words we get to say, every day for all of the days in our life are YES AND NO and they deserve at least a pause, a thought, a perfect little moment of REALLY deciding which one we will say…..

and did you know I’m leaving in ONE WEEK to go help women in the Philippines who have been rescued from human trafficking because of the power of my SACRED NO last year which opened me up for SACRED YES this year? (CLICK HERE read here to see how you can get involved in THAT awesomeness!!! You won’t want to miss it…it’s an awesome little 4 minute video that will really make your day!)

I hope you will stand in your power of SACRED YES and SACRED NO this year….it will make all the difference in the world….leaving YOU with the ability to MAKE YOUR DIFFERENCE in the world in a way that no one else can.

Sending you so much love and light and bravery and fun and JOY.

xoxo

melody

p.s. …here’s my new mantra that I posted on Facebook a few weeks ago…..and it got passed around at least 100,000 times in just 24 hours!!! I guess we can all relate to using OUR OWN YES and OUR OWN NO. xoxox

15 Comments →

what’s the real price tag?

14th August 2012 by kallie under -- doing difficult things, EVERYDAY BRAVE, featured post

This was written several years ago and is as true today as it ever was…hope you enjoy it….

Last night I crawled into bed before 7pm and put in a movie. One by one, my kids came upstairs and crawled on to the bed or under the covers…except of course, for the big old teenager who was downstairs raiding the pantry with his buddies…

When Marq finally came to bed it was over capacity, so we carried each little bundle on to the 10 ft. long bed that I made on the floor for them. And, as so many of you know…there’s nothing like REALLY looking at your own sleeping child to pull you into all that is real and good…

And I have been needing that pulling-back. I have been pulled and twisted and stretched and dragged and bloodied in more ways than even my artist mind could have imagined over the last month. I have been confused with the ‘beating’ I’ve been getting lately…I know there’s a message, I just don’t know what it is…I know that my life has reached an enormous fork in the road….

…and, man, is it painful.

What I know for sure is that LIFE is asking me, at this very moment, what I am willing to do….what I am willing to pay….what I am willing to give up…and, each decision has it’s price…

and some of the decisions scream loud…saying “CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME!”

and some of them whisper while they sleep on the floor at the foot of my bed…and say in their tiny voices “please choose me….”

And I know for sure, when I really think about it…that the best things in life whisper to us, and we have to get really really really quiet to even hear what they are saying…seems like the deepest truths come in the moments of the most diligent quiet.

….and the screaming choices scream at whoever will listen, they really don’t care who finally listens…they just want SOMEONE to take them…..and the whispering choices are looking us right in the eye….waiting for us to make eye contact….and they only want OUR eye contact….not just anyone….us.

And everything has a price tag…and the biggest things require sacrifice…giving up something that is important or special or valuable…but all sacrifice means is that we are giving up something good for something better….

….and sometimes, the pricetag says, OR SHOULD SAY…”today only” because the best things often don’t wait…they can’t. Those whispering things can only wait so long…those screaming things will often stay there screaming our entire lives and we can choose to pick them up when the best things are taken care of.

So, if the question was asked of you….”what are you REALLY willing to pay for that?”….what do you think you would say?

You know what? Sometimes I don’t know that we even know what we are paying for…we just run and run and run and we don’t know what we are really buying…and even worse, we don’t know what price we paid for it…and especially, what we gave up because we were giving all that we had to it…whatever IT is.

If you had only SO MUCH in your pocket, and under the cushions and in the ashtray…and that’s all you had…and no more…and both price tags for what you really wanted said “everything you’ve got…” because that’s really really honestly what it’s going to take…which one would you take?

You used all of your credit cards….you’ve figured out that it catches up with you in the end….all you’ve got is what’s in your pocket right now….but, it’s enough if you just choose one or the other…..

….life gets to that point sometimes….and it’s what become our DEFINING MOMENTS in life….which things we choose in those moments…..

Sorry I’m being so abstract….I’m just really starting to figure some things out for myself. I am really being FORCED to figure some things out right now….I am being looked right in the eye and asked….’which one do you want? Only you can choose….”And, doors are being closed and a hallway of doors stands before me….

And, I know for sure that it’s the same for you.
You are captainess of your destiny…you are the one who has to decide….

You can do it…you are sooo brave.

tags: choice, choices, choosing, encouragement, inspiration, motivation, price tag, real price, self help, self love, soul, soul work, take care of yourself, truth whispers

10 Comments →

A little video about BODY RESTORATION online course + why I am so passionate about this class….

4th January 2012 by melody under -- doing difficult things, -- online classes, BE A BRAVE GIRL

I am so very excited about this class…and wanted to kinda urge you to really think about joining me in the classroom if you have the same kinds of destructive messages running through your mind that so many other women do….

I used to hear those messages in my head too.

Over the last few months, as I have been neck deep in writing the curriculum for this course, talking and talking and interviewing women about these issues…and doing a ton of studying….one thing keeps coming up that makes me want to gather every single woman I know to do this course, whatever it takes….that thing is this:

WE WASTE A TON OF OUR LIVES, MISS OUT ON A TON OF WONDERFUL EXPERIENCES, AND REFUSE TO DO A LOT OF THINGS WE REALLY WANT TO DO ….

…because we are too busy WORRYING, OBSESSING and PUNISHING OURSELVES OVER HOW WE LOOK.

After doing the SOUL RESTORATION courses last year, and really getting in touch with what my heart is saying to me….I realized that there were so many things I wanted to do with my life…and there were just as many things that I wanted to STOP doing. I worked really hard on both of those things…and suddenly, my body started to cooperate with me too. I started to explore what that correlation was, and found some really wonderful ways to work through body shame and the belief that I had to punish myself with over-exercise and severe dieting if I wanted to have the body I wanted to have. Through journaling and art-journaling exercises…..I really found a way to make peace with my body….I learned to profoundly respect and love this flesh and blood that houses my soul….and through all of that (even though the peace is the best part) I have been able to fairly effortlessly maintain a healthy weight. I want to share all of this with you….but I mostly want to teach you what I learned about how important it is to live the life you want to live RIGHT NOW, not after you are a certain weight, or a certain size….or when your skin is clear or your hair is right……..I want us all to stop waiting to REALLY LIVE.

It is amazing how your body will start to cooperate with you when you are working hard to be happy in other areas of your life. Once you start to focus on other things, you will be shocked to realize how much of your life you have been wasting on feeling destructive things about yourself.

Please remember that this is not a fitness or diet program…this is a companion to your own health goals (even if your goals are as simple as deciding to walk every day and drink more water).

This is a program to get to the WHY of taking care of yourself. This is a program to help you recognize what you have been doing to punish yourself, and how you can start taking care of yourself instead. This is a program that will help you become joyful partners with your body instead of enemies.

I’m so excited to do this class with you……here’s a little video to tell you a little bit more about it.

Sending you all so much love…

xoxo

Melody

Learn more about Body Restoration here.

Disclaimer: Friends, there are literally hundreds of thousands of books published on health and countless programs and experts and philosophies out there. It is important to know that we have no special education, degrees, formal training, or expertise. We do not give advice. We simply share powerful ideas that have worked for us (and that have been applied with enormous success in our Soul Restoration classes) in using art and other creative and enjoyable means to slow down, tap into our own intuition and our own truth, and discover some of the thinking that is causing us to abuse our bodies. Our goal is to help each of us learn to honor our beautiful, miraculous bodies as the magnificent gift they are and to live a daily life that is joyfully, peacefully congruent with that knowledge. This program is in no way a substitute for professional treatment for any diagnosed or undiagnosed illness, disease, or disorder. Our lawyers would like us to say that you should consult a physician before embarking on any health-related program. xoxo

tags: Body Restoration

17 Comments →

Happy for YOU = Happy for ME

2nd August 2011 by kallie under -- doing difficult things, featured post

I don’t know if it’s a “girl” thing or what, but if my memory serves me right, I started out life comparing myself with the girls around me.

I couldn’t have been more than 5 when I noticed that when we colored at our babysitter’s house, my little sister Chelsea and I picked different pictures to color.

Chelsea always chose the pictures with lots of details…she was a better colorer than I was, so she could color pictures with complicated Barbies and still stay in the lines…

I never chose the complicated pictures. I always chose to color other kinds of pictures…ones with big spaces that made it easy for me to keep the crayon between the lines.

It sounds silly now, but I always felt bad about my coloring skills because of that. I guess I felt like if she was better at coloring than me, it somehow made ME inferior.

The next thing I remember was maybe a year later…

It was my birthday, and we went to pick up my friend, Tamara Jenkins, for a sleepover. My birthday is in the summer, so we were both wearing shorts and the car must have been full of other stuff or people because Tamara and I shared the front seat. I remember looking at her legs squished against my legs and seeing that her legs were smaller than mine…so I flexed my legs all the way from her house to my house to make them look closer to the same size.

Then I remember when I was 8…

My friends and I were waiting outside our 3rd grade classroom for school to start. One of our friends had just gotten her ears pierced, and the rest of us had to chime in and show how cool we were, which we proved by how early in life we’d had our ears pierced. I led the group in coolness, since I’d had mine pierced on my 6th birthday – 2 entire years earlier. I was feeling pretty awesome with all of my pierced-ear experience and wisdom, when Lindsay Fisher walked up and got in line. She figured out what we were talking about and promptly shared that she’d had her ears pierced when she was a newborn. My pride deflated as she took my place on the cool list.

Looking back, those things all seem ridiculous…I mean how much does it really matter that Chelsea and I picked different kinds of pictures to color or that Tamara Jenkins’ legs were 1 millimeter smaller than mine or that I got my ears pierced 6 years later than Lindsay Fisher? The things is that while I’ve stopped asking people when they got their ears pierced, I haven’t stopped comparing myself…and more importantly letting myself feel inferior when someone seems to be better than me at this or that.

…and you do it a little too, don’t you? I’m not the only one who finds myself saying things like…..

“I wish I were….” ”I should be….” ”I could be….” ”I am definitely NOT…”

…artistic like Melody.

….musical like Kathy.

……organized like Kim.

…the most loyal of friends like Maria

…outgoing like Betsy.

…interested in healthy living like Malary.

…unfailingly kind and soft-spoken like Jen.

…enthusiastic like Hilarie

…thoughtful like Lynda.

…brave like Christy.

…good at throwing parties like Chelsea.

I’m sure you and I are a lot alike…the women around us are incredibly talented…they are kind and loving and seem to be wonderful at everything they do. And what I’m almost embarrassed to say is that I’m only just realizing that their awesomeness doesn’t take away from mine….Instead it adds to mine…if I let it. Same goes for you.

See….instead of coloring detailed pictures, now Chelsea cooks. She makes the most delicious and beautiful food. And until I realized otherwise, in the very back of my mind I felt like I should enjoy it as much as she does. Thing is, I don’t enjoy it. I cook because people in my family have to eat…she cooks because she has a real passion for it…that probably has something to do with the reason she is so good at.

We all have something, don’t we? Someone’s always better than us at SOMETHING, and for some reason in the back of our minds instead of just LETTING that person be better, we believe that if they’re better, we’re somehow worse. But that’s not the truth…think about it….what would there be to appreciate and admire and aspire to if we could all do the same things? Sometimes though, we let the goodness in other people make us forget about the goodness in ourselves.

We could let HER (you know who she is…the one we want to be more like) and HER talents make us feel guilty…and make us feel down on ourselves and make us forget all the things we’re good at. But I think I figured out a better way.

Instead of feeling guilty and letting ourselves believe that somehow goodness in others equals badness in us and that success for someone else means failure for us, what if instead, we let everyone around us be as good as they can be, and then after that let’s be HAPPY for them, which in turn makes US happy!

I’ve decided that instead of feeling that weird feeling (you know the one, right…that guilty-ish, bad feeling….I can’t figure out where it comes from). Instead of THAT feeling, I want to feel HAPPY for the people who are close to me. And when I show up at a potluck with a bag of chips and my sister shows up to the same potluck with something I’d pay a lot of money to eat at a restaurant, I’m not going to feel bad about my bag of chips…because I DON’T EVEN LIKE COOKING!!! hahaha…

I’ll tell you what I’m going to do…..I’m going to be HAPPY for Malary because she is so good at taking care of her body by eating right and exercising, which is something I haven’t 100% figured out yet. And I’m going to be okay with that. I’m going to be HAPPY for Kathy because she is so good at everything musical, which I’d REALLY like to be…and I think I could be, but she’s put in the time and the hours and she’s earned it. I’m going to be HAPPY for Maria and Jen for being loyal and true and good to the very tips of their souls, and meanwhile keep working hard to be more like them.

I am going to be HAPPY for every single person in my life who is better than me at something and HAPPY for myself because there are things that I’m good at too. I can only think of one thing that would make this whole experience better, and that is if YOU would come along with me. Will you?? What are some of the things you are ready to be happy about instead of feeling guilty about?! I bet you didn’t even realize those things were making you feel that weird feeling, but now that you have and you can teach that weird feeling the TRUTH, all kinds of JOY are in store for you!!!!!

Don’t make it complicated, love, for yourself
Live your life JUST LIKE YOU and no one else…
-Stephanie Leavell

26 Comments →

….what to do when life just hurts……

26th July 2011 by melody under -- doing difficult things, -- soul restoration, featured post

Ok…please please please just hear me out and read this whole post…I have a feeling it might get a little bit long, I will try hard not to make it too long….but I want you to ESPECIALLY read it if life hurts profoundly right now…or if you know someone whose life is hurting profoundly. I will go as fast as I can.

I found the above photo today when I was looking for photos of the first art journal I ever made (so I could show it to you…which I will in a minute)…..the journal that started the whole journey of Brave Girls Club curriculum (before I ever knew that that’s what it would someday become…before Brave Girls Club even existed anywhere but in my head and heart)…..the art journal was just my own very very personal and private journey through “OUCH”….through a very hellish many-years-long period in my life that seemed like it might never end…when I broke into twenty million jagged pieces….when I lost everything I had worked for, when I lost who I thought that I was and what I thought was most valuable about me…..but when I FOUND EVERYTHING THAT MATTERED.

This is the photo that comes after the photo below. I think I was planning on blogging about a shift in thinking I had experienced…I remember taking this photo and thinking about how I can put that huge OUCH so close to the front of my face so that I can not see anything else…or so that everything else is blurred out….but that what I really needed to do, is put the OUCH down with all of the other parts of my life so that I could REALLY SEE that I needed to put it all into perspective. So I did…..my OUCHES were all over the place, everything hurt…but the thing that hurt worst was the condition of my marriage and of my husband….it was first and foremost on my mind and my heart and I could not see much beyond it…even though there was a lot more to see…a lot more ouches, but a lot more goodness, joy and miracles too……so I worked really hard to put that OUCH down to see what was behind it….

I think about how broken and unfixable I felt at that time. I think about how I wondered if I would ever laugh again, if life would ever feel happy or easy ever again…..I felt lost….really really really lost. I felt desperate and I felt like my soul was living completely outside of my body. I couldn’t remember my dreams and wondered if I would ever have dreams again. I felt like a failure because I couldn’t hold myself together anymore. I felt like my identity was shattered. While I was once a successful businesswoman…my husband’s accident and illness and all of the things that tumbled down around it were my focus……and I failed miserably at holding my business together…that identity was gone. I used to be the happy person…the positive, optimistic & carefree dreamer…where had that girl gone? I was a depressed mess. I was jaded. I would barely leave my house. That girl was gone. I was the girl with the perfect marriage…….that all got shattered into bits. This is depressing so I will not go on……..but………I could if I had to…for pages…:)

What I want you to know is that I am soooooo happy these days. So so so happy. I feel at peace, I feel whole. I feel on track. I feel like I don’t have to have any special kind of identity except ME…..I have let things go. I want to tell you how I did it. I want to tell you that the lessons that I learned, and the way I manifested it through art and journaling completely healed it all up….it took time, and lots of gut-wrenching honesty with myself….but it worked. Now that I have seen the THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of women who have taken Soul Restoration, and who have returned to Brave Girl Camp for second and third times….and now that I have seen the LIGHT back in the eyes of those women and the dramatic beautiful changes that have taken place in their lives because they did the work……I know for sure that I just need to keep begging YOU to give it a chance, too.

HAPPY ME = Miracles + lots of soulwork

I want you to know that there’s another way to live. During that time, I honestly thought that I just had to learn to live inside of a yucky, hard, miserable life…that I had to learn how to function inside of misery and heartbreak….that my best years were definitely over. I know now…I KNOW NOW that this is not the case. I know that we can heal. We can be whole. We can forgive…ourselves and others. I know that we can start over. I know that sometimes being forced to start over is THE VERY BEST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO US. I know that sometimes the only way to get to where we are meant to be, is THROUGH things we never thought we could endure…but then, we do endure it…and then we are stronger and better and wiser and more full of everything good because of it. I know that this is true for me…I know that this can be true for you. I know FOR SURE that we are all meant to use the “wings” that we have been given..I know that we are meant to fly….not to stay stuck. Sometimes the journey from caterpillar to butterfly is profoundly confusing, painful and bleak. But it is on it’s way somewhere!!!! That’s the thing we must always remember…..the journey to becoming….all of it is important…the caterpillar part…the climbing around super low to the ground part….the climbing up the plant part….the becoming a cocoon part…the part when we are in the dark for a very long time turned from a caterpillar into mush (this the the part that is scary, because we often do not have any idea what is happening and it feels like we are going to die any second)..and then, the part where we get to emerge as what we were always meant to become…………..(I also believe that we get to go on this journey lots of times in our lifetime..so if you have been a butterfly before and you suddenly feel like a caterpillar again, take heart…you are on your way to somewhere good!)

Ok….so, I am writing this because today we are running SOUL RESTORATION PART 1 again…for the third time. We are doing this because women from all over the world are begging us to….thousands of women. Many of the women starting out in the classroom today are taking the class for their second or third times because of what it has done for them….I believe them when they tell me that it has truly been a miracle to them. I believe it because this course material is what got me through the darkest years of my life….so I took all of the things I learned in my art journals and made them into a class to take you on the same journey.

It all started with me just not knowing who I was anymore….OR WHERE THE HECK I WENT…this is the very first sentence I wrote in my journal those many years ago…

I wanted to know who I was if I wasn’t a business success, or a successful artist, or a fun person, or a perfect wife. WHO WAS I…WHAT WAS I..when I couldn’t be anything to anyone. Who was I at the core of me. Who was I when everything was stripped away and I was just a person. Working through those questions and their beautiful answers…through doing lots of art and journaling projects is what healed me…….I want that for you…and I know it is possible because I have seen it so many times now.

Here are the other pages in that first journal….maybe some questions that you have asked yourself…

I started asking myself some really hard questions..and then I just listened. I just got very very very quiet. I did this for years. I learned how it worked. I could hear the truth when I got very quiet…when I shut out all of the outside voices and opinions and expectations. Now…it is a fully planned-out, guided step-by-step curriculum that is fun and difficult and life-changing. It is so funny how life is. I thought I was in that cocoon, ready to die…in the dark………..I was making art in there, I had NO IDEA that I was growing wings. If you need help finding your wings….I really want you to see how this might help you. As dark as things might seem…….I promise you that there is light to be found. YOU ARE NOT LOST…..YOU ARE STILL IN THERE. YOU ARE. ….and even if you feel like you have lost all of what you are and who you are and what you thought you were and how you thought life would be……you are just right when you are just YOU. You don’t have to have any other identities to have value.

I bet you are tired of carrying around a backpack full of heavy rocks and burdens from the past. I bet you are tired of feeling hurt and bruised and broken. I bet you know that it is finally time to move forward and heal…to be RESTORED to who you really are.

I bet you are done making excuses. I bet you are ready to do whatever it takes.

So…are you ready? SOUL RESTORATION 1 started today. I promise you that it could be the very best $99 you have ever spent. If you commit to doing all of the lessons, watching EVERY video and plowing through it even when it is hard or uncomfortable….it will truly be a life-changing, life-enhancing, joy-producing, PEACE-making experience for you. I have seen it happen to too many thousands of women to tell you otherwise.

ok….so………………..now there’s no excuse for you to not do this!!! Give up a few coffees every week, or sell a piece of art…have a yard sale! ……you are worth it….even if you thought there was no way because things are so financially bleak…there’s a way. You can do this. You are worth this.

We just got back from 2 Brave Girl Camps, back to back….I talked to so many of YOU there…..I saw the light in your eyes. I saw the what the miracle of embracing the TRUTH about ourselves can do….I saw complete restoration……………

and…

on the way back from one of our mountain walks…..I saw THIS…..my husband, sitting out on the car, waiting for me to get back:

and while I was walking to him….I thought about the journey we had been on together…I thought about how long I had to WAIT…..how hard that waiting was…how much work I had to do while I was waiting. I thought about how the best things in life are not very often the easiest things, but that they are still the best. I thought about how every single one of those tears was worth the journey that I was on……….worth what I would learn…worth what I did learn…..worth what I get to do now. Worth how blissful, happy, peaceful, lovely, fun and wonderful life feels now….I want that for you.

We took this photo when I got to the car:

My friends………..if it’s time….then just do it…no more excuses, ok? If it’s not time, we will be here waiting whenever you are ready. I know it’s scary to decide to finally heal from things that have hurt for so long……but, it is SO WORTH IT. It’s time for you to show the world those beautiful wings of yours!!!

SOUL RESTORATION 1 opened today….and there is SO MUCH MORE TIME to sign up, because we are leaving the classroom open through the end of the year……and SOUL RESTORATION 2 will start up again soon too………let’s do this, girls!!

xoxo

melody

28 Comments →

You have amazing ideas…..please let them be born. (yes, YOU.)

20th February 2011 by melody under -- a little love for you, -- doing difficult things, EVERYDAY BRAVE, featured post

This is another one for all of you beautiful dreamers, creatives…makers, artists, visionaries…musicians…writers….mothers…gardeners…friends…lovers…..PEOPLE. It is in ALL of us.

And this is just more about what I talked about in THIS POST.

I am writing this because I am now 100% certain that I am not the only one who used to feel like I was the only one who feels this way. AND when we find that out…that we are not the only one…and ALSO that OTHERS thought THEY were the only one…..a whole bunch of little candles get lit…and what used to seem so dark now is light….and it’s not so scary….and not so confusing…and there’s nothing to feel ashamed about anymore. Because…it just IS….and it doesn’t separate us anymore, but it unifies us. That is soooo awesome.

This is one of those things.

I am finding that when I am in my creative cave, trying to let a new product line, or class, or a new phase of my marriage, or a serious issue with one of my children…..whatever sacred thing it is…..when I am in my cave of creative solitude trying to let something sacred be born creatively, it is a kind of difficult that has no words.

I used to not talk about it because it all felt so unexplainable…and so sacred/ridiculous/out-of-control. Embarrassing even. Humiliating sometimes. Because….when something is trying to be born….an idea….or something sacred….it is sort of all-consuming. No one seems to want to talk about it…..mostly I think, because there are no words. It doesn’t always feel good…..and then you have to explain/defend yourself to others why you are dedicating so much of your life and energy to something that is difficult and sometimes does not feel good. I have found that I hate having to defend myself. Especially when I am trying hard to just live as authentically as I can. When I am doing exactly what my deepest truth is telling me to do. But sometimes…..special people just need to know what the heck is going on with you. They wonder why you are doing what you are doing……

Well….the answer is because sometimes you can’t NOT do it. When an idea or a sacred something creative wants to be born…….it won’t let you NOT let it be born.

I used to think I was the only crazy person who dealt with this dilemma. So…I just didn’t explain my long bouts of creative isolation or brain-fogginess or distraction.

Then, I started to talk to a few of my creative friends and found that as women…..we are always trying/needing/feeling-called to birth SOMETHING. It is part of us, part of who we are….maybe it’s the same for men. I just feel like we are always on our way to creating SOMETHING. And sometimes we just try to hide that part of ourselves, because we think…WHO AM I TO CREATE ANYTHING? But, it still calls to us.

Some of us keep trying to resist it for years and years and years or even just for weeks or months….and truly, it is the worst kind of misery…..way worse than the uncomfortable parts of sitting on bed rest with your idea, nurturing and letting it be born the way it wants to be born….whether it’s a collage or a book or a song or a room needing to be decorated, or a journal entry or letter, or a marriage or a cake or a garden or a scarf to be knitted……or a class to be taught or a home to be built or a new life to be remade.

When we resist it we are miserable.

Sometimes the creative bed rest need only last a few hours, sometimes a few months….sometimes even longer….just depends.

And we get phonecalls and emails and text messages that say “are you mad at me?” or….”why haven’t you called….” and we just don’t know how to say……I am in the middle of growing something sacred and it hurts and it also is beautiful and wonderful and exciting and real, and it is taking all of the energy that I have right now…………

and we don’t know how to ask…..”can you be patient with me? will you still be there when I can get up and get going again? When this thing is born?”

So we get up and do things that we shouldn’t be doing right now. We put our sacred something at risk to get up and do things that are not the most important things right now….things that satisfy the guilt we feel when we don’t know how to explain that right now…for this little short time, I am doing the most important thing that I know to be doing….I am letting something sacred be born.

We have to start letting ourselves go on creative bed rest. It is short…it is not forever. Most importantly…we have to let EACH OTHER go on creative bed rest and not get testy with each other when we have to decline invitations, or when we can’t return phonecalls or emails for a bit…..when we can’t do extra things…..it is temporary…but we must allow each other that. We all have a need to be creative. We need to allow each other that need.

AND THEN….when the beautiful sacred creative thing is born….we need to feel safe in sharing it with the world. We need to cheer each other on in the whole process, and then treat each other’s sacred something with sacredness and respect.

And most of all….we all just need to not really care too much what other’s think of our sacred something. Because that is not what it is about……it is about letting it be born, then loving it exactly how it is, protecting it as fiercely as we can, and then letting it have a life of it’s own……no matter what the critics have to say.

We need to not have to feel afraid of what others will say or do if it is not good enough……..or if it is SO GOOD that it makes others feel sad or jealous or angry or whatever……..because sometimes…..OFTEN TIMES….the thing that wants to be born just HAD to be born…..and it is not in our control. We did not create something to be better or to turn heads…..or to impress or to be judged in any way. So if it is NOT GOOD ENOUGH or if it is TOO GOOD……..we are scared to share it once it is born. And many times, it was born FOR THE VERY PURPOSE TO SHARE WITH OTHERS….to bring JOY, BEAUTY, TRUTH, KNOWLEDGE, HAPPINESS, PEACE and UNDERSTANDING to the rest of us. Sometimes what is wanting to be born in us has NOTHING to do with us……..and we have to let it go out and have a life of it’s own.

Again…whether it is a song or a poem or a photograph or a painting or a meal or a novel relationship or an event or a solution to a problem. Sometimes we are the only way for it to be born….and if we did not stop and listen to that calling…it would never be born…..and someone, somewhere needed that EXACT thing….and that THING, that creative masterpiece was BORN with that purpose in mind.

…and then we knew it was worth it.

I write this to tell you to stick with it. I write this to tell the girl in Colorado who is writing a novel that you might not ever know why you have felt so called to put everything aside in your life aside from your family, and live in this deep loneliness, to finish it……but that you know that you MUST…and that it will be worth it! .And you are not alone!!! And the clothing artist angel girl in Texas who pours her heart and soul into every beautiful masterpiece creates for the world because she wants everyone to feel her love and that’s how she shows it…I write this to the sweet beautiful artist in California who sits in her house making art videos to teach thousands across the world how to make art online…even though it’s so lonely sometimes, because she can’t NOT do it….it is her calling. I write this to the heartbroken soul in Florida who just keeps making art….night after night….because it proves to herself that she is listening to her soul….and because she CAN’T NOT make art…..it is healing her. I write this to the young grandma in Melba, Idaho who pours over every cookbook looking for the PERFECT recipes to feed to others so they know how loved they are. She can’t NOT…..it is one of her callings. I write this to the songwriters and the gardeners and the knitters and the jewelry makers and the painters and the yoga instructors and the dancers and the singers and the comedians and the quilters and the teachers. To all of us who are called to CREATE (and I believe this is all of us)….WE CAN’T NOT.

WE MUST.
AND WE MUST LET EACH OTHER.
WE MUST HELP EACH OTHER.

So if you must do it, you must. And some days it won’t feel good….and that is ok. Some days you will doubt yourself…and many days others will doubt you. Some days you will feel guilty and many days others will attempt to make you feel guilty. MANY days you will not understand and MANY MANY MANY more days others will not understand.

It is ok.
It has to be born.
Let it be born.

We need your light, your creativity, your unique contribution to the world.
YOU need to let it happen.
pass it on….pass on the love, the encouragement and the appreciation to every artist you know……
xoxo
melody

57 Comments →

Time – where does it go?

1st February 2011 by kallie under -- doing difficult things, -- homemade life, EVERYDAY BRAVE

Lately I have been busy….like crazy busy. As a mother of 2 babies (ages 3 months and 2 years), wife (of -among other things – a high school wrestling coach), homemaker, assistant to Brave Girls Club and everything else I do, I am always running from one thing to the next – appointments, wrestling meets, breakfast, lunch and dinner, diapers, laundry, work. At any given time I have a handful of things I could give my attention to. In the last few weeks I’ve felt exhausted by it…unable to get ahead or even feel like I have a handle on all of the important things going on. I’ve got to prioritize and that’s a hard job – figuring out which is MOST important from a list of important things.

It wasn’t always like this…I mean thinking back…when I was a kid there wasn’t much to prioritize and if there was I didn’t know it because it was all done for me. As far as I was concerned at that age, all 24 hours in the day belonged to me. They were mine to do whatever I wanted with…no worries about anyone else. My mom woke me up for breakfast and got me to school, fed me lunch and dinner and tucked me into bed at night. The rest of the day was wide open with possibilities for coloring, building sand castles, jumping rope, playing house and really anything else me, my sister and our imaginations could come up with.

Fast forward a few years and I decided to take on some responsibility and get a job while I was in high school. In other words for the first time in my life I made the decision to take a few of the hours that belonged to me and give them to something else. And it felt good, and grown up and like the right thing to do and the right step to take. I still had LOTS of hours left over for myself and as the years went on and I left high school for college, time for myself increased. I moved out and soon all 24 hours in the day were mine – to choose who and where to allot them.

Somewhere in college I met a boy…I mean I met lots of boys…but I met one boy who stood out from all the others. It didn’t take long (and certainly didn’t take a concious decision) to start giving all of my extra hours to him. Pretty soon we shared more of my hours than I took for myself and a few months down the road, when he asked me, I made the choice to keep him in my life – to always have time for him and for us.

Fast forward to today and we have made the choice to have 2 babies…babies who require time in order to be cared for and to feel loved. And as you know from the beginning of my post there are a million other things I have my time going toward. I have no doubt you are the same way.

The time has come for me to really prioritize…maybe it’s time for me to cut things out all together…maybe you feel the same way. Because we only get 24 hours in a day…a hard lesson we’ve all learned is that sometimes we just don’t have time for everything we’ve said “yes” to. And that’s okay! As long as we are saying “yes” to the right things…the BEST things…and “no” to the things that aren’t going to matter as much in the long run.

In my journey to figure out where to put my time, I am learning that I can only do one or two things at the same time REALLY well. The time that belongs to my children should REALLY belong to them. They deserve it, and I deserve it AND they are the choice I made. That means that the time that belongs to them is theirs…they don’t have to share it with work…except housework, but that’s important for them and it’s not all the time.

The point is…they get some of the time just for them.

My husband gets some of my time.

My home gets some of my time…for my peace…for my family’s peace.

Meals get some of my time because it’s important for me to feed my family healthy, thoughtful food.

I get some of my time…to recharge…to exercise…to be alone with my thoughts…to sleep.

My job gets some of my time.

BUT here’s the big one…once all of our 24 hours are gone, they’re gone. As much as we wish for some time bank where we can make unlimited withdrawals, there isn’t one. I say “we” because I’m sure you’ve wished for the same. Until we realize that our time is limited, it’s easy to spend a few “extra” hours on this or that. But there are no bonus hours, there are no free or extra hours. There are 24 hours. That’s all we get, and we have to decide where they belong and who/what to give them to.

If I want to give more time to my job, I have to take it from somewhere it’s already been allotted, which doesn’t seem like a big deal (and once in a while it probably isn’t a big deal) until I think about those hours as the ones I’ve already promised to my babies or to my husband or to our peaceful home. Am I willing to take my time from them and give it to my JOB? I’ve done that…unintentionally like I’m sure you have…and let me tell you, it doesn’t make anyone happy.

So Jackson time belongs to Jackson – not to the computer or the vacuum or the toilet brush and Lydia time belongs to her and to her snuggles. And work time is for work and if I am going to decide to give time to work, then I’ve got to do that without taking from anything or anyone else. And once the time is gone…it’s gone. Maybe before all the hours are gone, we should really think about where we are putting them….and where we are taking them from.

It is such a delicate balance, but we can do it. We might have to cut things out – so let’s do it!! Things that are robbing our time…people who are robbing our time. Things and people that are good, but aren’t the BEST things for us to give our time to. I can do it, you can do it. Let’s prioritize…let’s give 100% of our time, attention and energy intentionally. Let’s give our time to the people and things that mean the very most to us and leave the rest for someone else (or no one else…that would be okay too).