Ok…first I want to tell you why I am doing this. I am doing this because this journey to regain my health has been very difficult, very confusing and many times very lonely. What helped me most is hearing the stories of how others have healed. So….I am doing my part and telling you what has helped me. There might be some things here that help you, things you might want to try or ask your naturopaths, doctors and healers about….PLEASE do your own research about your own body before you take any of the steps I have taken. I am not a medical professional. I’m just sharing what has worked for me. I am not feeling 100% yet…so I am still on this journey too…but I feel like I’ve hit a stride and things are just continuing to get better and better.
If you are new here…I’m Melody….I was born in 1971 so right now I am 43 years old….almost 44. I have 5 children and have been married for 25 years. I have 2 grandchildren, too. (the best part of my life!) I have been a business owner for almost all of those years. Life has been wonderful and busy and also very hard sometimes. I got really sick a few years ago after a decade of traumatic, stressful and difficult years where one horrible thing after another happened in my family, my business and my personal life. The hardest part was that my husband got a traumatic brain injury and took 6 years to get him well and get him back. Once my life started calming down a bit, I started getting sick. It started with chronic welts that disfigured my face and body, then went to adrenal exhaustion (severe stage 3), I gained over 40 pounds and I lost my vitality, my energy and my passion for lots of things. Everything in my body was depleted….hormones, adrenals, blood pressure, cholesterol…all of it was dangerously low. I wore my body out and it’s been a very long journey. But I’m finally starting to feel like myself and I just want to share this information if you are in the same situation. This is me today….I will share some photos in future blog posts of when I had hives, etc……because doesn’t everyone like a good before/after photo?
Ok….here’s what will NOT be in this blog series
- An easy way to fix all of this
- A program I want you to buy (although I will tell you about programs I have tried that have worked and give you info if you ever want to try them)
- Someone who knows exactly what they are doing…..I’m just telling you what I have learned and what I know so far…because I know how it feels to not know what to do or how to do it and also to have tried so many things that didn’t work
Now let me tell you what WILL be in this series…(and why this series will be long and so many parts )
WHAT HAS WORKED FOR MY PHYSICALLY…
- The supplements I have taken
- The medications I have taken
- The foods I can and can not eat (and other things I’ve tried concerning food)
- The symptoms I have had and their patterns (the hives, the weight gain, the exhaustion, the brain fog, the emotional instability, the grief, the discouragement, the aging, the depression, the shame and blame, the ups and downs)
- The kinds of professionals and healers who have helped me
- The exercise my body can do (and can not do yet)
- The rest my body must do (and what I’ve had to do to make it possible)
- The relationships that my body reacts to both positively and negatively
- The stressors my body will not tolerate anymore
- What has worked to start and continue shedding the weight I’ve gained
- Building FUN into as many things as possible
- I will also share some before and after photos and some photos of where I’ve been in this journey along the way
WHAT HAS WORKED FOR ME MENTALLY
- The new mindset I’ve had to adopt and integrate about my unconditional worth and my personal responsibility for what comes in and out of my life and what I give to the world
- The thoughts I can allow and can not allow
- The things I have learned to focus on
- The things I’ve had to become an expert about
- Planning and scheduling my self care into my day like it is the most important thing I could ever be doing, (because it is) and not letting anything interfere
- Understanding and even doing scientific research to find that what used to work for me when I was young will not work the same for me now….my body is different
- The books I’ve read, the talks I’ve listened to, the research I’ve found
- Building FUN into as many things as possible
WHAT HAS WORKED FOR ME EMOTIONALLY
- Going to therapy and healing my emotional wounds and issues
- Being 100% honest about my feelings and not willing or stuffing them away or being dishonest about how severe or even how minor they are….being honest about all of it
- Dealing with my anger (which I have denied all of my life because I really and truly thought that I was just not an angry person, but that actually I have much repressed anger that has turned into sickness)
- Dealing with my hurt and resentment
- Getting rid of clutter in all areas of my life
- Making very strong, clear and strict boundaries and keeping them (with myself and others)
- Owning ALL of my emotions, all of my decisions, all of my actions, all of the words that come out of my mouth, all of the thoughts I think, all of the ways I react to everything. Not allowing blame toward anyone in my life anymore because I have to take control of my life and what is happening inside of me is largely my choice…and what I do is my choice. I’m a grown woman and can not blame how I feel on anyone else.
- Walking away from or changing relationships that hurt me, stress me or are not resonating with me (this is a matter of life and death)
- Letting others walk away when I’m not a good match for them and not chasing after them
- Forgiving EVERYONE for EVERYTHING (this does not mean let toxic people in your life, just forgive them and wish them all the best and let it go)
- FORGIVE MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME FOREVER (no matter what)
- Understanding that I am going to have big setbacks….like, I was doing really great and then my dad got sick and then he died….it was very heartbreaking, traumatic and unexpected….it set me back a lot and I wondered if I was going to have to start over completely in my healing…but I bounced back and I knew what to do. I am certain that I will continue to have setbacks, and that it will be okay.
- Making a commitment to love, honor, cherish and stay with myself in sickness and in health, for better or for worse and taking that commitment very seriously
- Understanding that what worked for my body when I was young does not work the same for me now. My body is different than it used to be….and that is ok.
- Understanding and accepting and cooperating with the cycles of life of the human body and aging…growing older….looking older….behaving as a valuable wise woman
- Building FUN into as many things as possible
WHAT HAS WORKED SPIRITUALLY
- Admitting that I need help from my creator
- Accepting the unconditional love and acceptance of my creator
- Building and maintaining a deep relationship with my creator
- Understanding and accepting and cooperating with the cycles of life of the human body and the everlasting soul
- Getting my view of who I am from myself and my creator only…not from anyone or anything else.
- Learning from my creator and believing my creator that my worth is absolute, is infinite and does not have to be earned, nor can it be taken away.
- Believing my creator when my creator tells me how incredible I am, how loved I am, how watched out for I am, how seen and heard I am, how protected I am, how equipped I am, how beloved I always will be
- Believing that my creator wants me to be happy, to have fun, to heal from my trauma, to learn from my struggles, to create, to have wonderful relationships, and to help others whenever possible, but first to help myself…and that my creator is there to help me with ALL OF IT, ALL OF THE TIME, no matter what.
I have not blogged about this yet because it is so multifaceted…and truly, my friends…there is not an easy solution to this that I know of. (and believe me when I tell you that I have looked and tried and researched and tried again…just about everything) The truth is, it takes time, it takes dedication and it takes doing a lot of things that most people aren’t willing to do until they are on death’s door….the hardest thing of all is putting yourself ahead of everything else that takes every bit of your time and energy. It is very very very hard to do this if you are a caretaker…or if you are a human.
But if you are feeling as crummy as I have been feeling…..I know that you are ready to do whatever it takes to get your life back.
I’m called this “I love myself enough to do what it takes” BECAUSE that is the very first step. To do what has finally worked, I have had to make some very big changes that have required me to change my heart and my mind and myself. I have had to learn how to put myself on my list…and much of the time, I have had to put myself FIRST on my list and that is something I have never been able to do….not only that, but I had to heal a very broken belief that putting myself first was bad…selfish…arrogant….etc. Actually, putting myself on my list AT ALL was all of those things. I can now proudly say that I have learned to put myself on my list every single day…and that I feel very good about that and want everyone else to do it.
Ok so let’s start this blog series with where I was before I learned what I have learned about all of this…….and then we will get right down into the nitty gritty of what has worked for me in the next blog post that I do. ok?
Sooooo…what I want you to know is that I wanted a quick fix. I tried a lot of quick fixes. I also want you to know that the people who knew what they were talking about told me that this was going to be a long journey….but like so many other things in my life….I thought it would be different for me…because I am a hard worker and I have a lot of willpower and I knew I could do the fast track. The problem is….that fast track mentality was largely what got me in this position.
Something else that I want you to know is that EVERYONE who knew what they were talking about told me things I was going to have to do…things I didn’t want to do…and I tried doing EVERYTHING but those things because I didn’t want to do those things and didn’t think I could. Healing from all of this requires doing things that are difficult, uncomfortable and slow. I didn’t start to heal until I just surrendered and started to do those things.
For example. EVERY healer and doctor and person who has healed told I was going to have to give up caffeine, wholly and completely. I didn’t. I didn’t think I could. I did lots of the other things, and I did cut down on caffeine….but I wasn’t getting any better…and lo and behold…I did not start to heal until I finally did. Same with sugar. (and stress, and toxic relationships and gluten and processed food) They all told me that I was going to have to get a lot of sleep. I didn’t think I had time for that…but I did not start to heal until I made time and made my life in such a way that I could get a lot of good quality sleep… A LOT of it. They told me that these were lifestyle changes that were not for a little short time….that if I was feeling better and stopped doing these things, went back to my old ways….that I would get sick again. I did that….lots of times. It has taken me a few years to figure out that this is my new way of living…not a short term thing.
I am telling you this because I just don’t want you to think there is an easy way. I thought there had to be an easy way. I tried lots of “easy ways” …..none of this started to work until I did what had to be done.
I was exhausted, puffy, sad, mad, annoyed, and thinking that life was not very much fun. I was moody. I was ready to give up lots of times and just be sick the rest of my life. It was too hard to keep going when I only saw a little bit of progress. Sometimes the only thing that has kept me going is that none of my clothes fit and I really want to be able to wear my clothes!! But those are just the days that I am being vain. What has really kept me sustained is that I want a good quality of life. I want to have energy. I want to be happy. I want my moods to be stabile. I want to feel confident and full of vitality. I want to thrive and accept myself as I move into the second half of my life.
So……if you think you are ready to love yourself enough….to do whatever it takes to feel better….read on. But here’s the bottom line, sister……lots of this might not seem important or that it could be related to your health…..but the stuff that ended up helping me the most was the stuff that I kept putting off because it didn’t seem that important. This is going to require a change of heart…and the biggest change your heart needs to make is that it needs to build a big beautiful, comfortable, happy room for YOU in it.
I will write the next blog post about some of the physical things I’ve done, and I will go on from there…but this one is long enough and lots to digest.
I hope you will stick with me. I want you to feel better too. Living the way I was….it was hell. None of us need to live that way. Let’s take good care of ourselves and of each other.
So much love,