I started crying a little when I began writing this post earlier today. It has made me all wobbly and teary-eyed and emotional all day and I sort of hate that…especially when I can’t shake it. That means that it’s striking a chord…..and I know it is. The tears came today because I started thinking about a dream I had when I started my first business in my twenties and began my battle with workaholicism……I will tell you about the dream at the end of the post…

See..on Friday I decided to take the day off….and immediately started feeling guilty for it. It has been more months than I can remember since I took a whole day off. I love my work….I love it SOOOO much….so taking a day off seems unnecessary much of the time…I can easily rationalize that I don’t need a break because I love what I do so much.

But what I know when I listen to the deepest part of myself is that I DO need a break…everyone does….but that I have so much guilt because there is always so much to do……and I work slow. I am not one of those fast slap-it-out kinda people….I really meditate and think over my work and I won’t feel finished until it is very detailed and lovingly done the way I worked it out in my head and heart before it becomes real. This puts me into lots of yucky places when I’m tired….especially when I see people who seem to work so much faster….

But after I read through my LIFEBOOK again that I made last year when I decided to redesign my life…and saw this page again…..I knew I needed to just STOP AND REST. I knew I needed to…..

I am wondering if you do this too…make yourself feel guilty when you stop and take a break? If you do…and I do…….and lots of us do….we need to stop doing it to ourselves. In fact…we all need to do a better job of building breaks into our lives and making them essential…..

Well, I took the day off on Friday anyway. It just so happened on the exact same day, the amazing Brene Brown posted this beautiful piece on her blog called THE WORST ADVICE. EVER. (you should definitely read it when you are done reading here. )

After I read it….I decided I was going to go ahead and really have a real weekend. I had a wonderful friend in town…..the weather was beautiful….I had a big canvas calling my name that wanted to be a new painting for my dining room that had nothing to do with work……I had new music I wanted to learn on my guitar, I had food that wanted to be cooked into new recipes….my family was all taken care of all weekend….my work was at a good stopping point….I had ME that wanted to just BE.

So I did.

It was amazing.

I needed it.

It is an ever living battle to remind myself that I am enough, you are enough…we have done enough, we have enough, we will always have enough…we know enough……etc……….that ENOUGH BATTLE is the one that never lets us rest

My rest this weekend made me remember that yes, I am enough. You are enough. We are all enough.

It put things into perspective….the time with people I love made me remember things that are important. The time alone with the air and the trees brought me right back to my deepest place of truth and peace…the place I need to be to be able to move forward. Making art for my own home and my own heart was joy joy joy. Sleeping all night, like a rock, for 2 nights straight was bliss.

I wrote in my journal and I made some big new goals….I spent very exquisitely loving quality time with my friend…..the kind that changes everything because you help each other figure out what is really going on inside those hearts and souls………..the kinda interaction that takes STOPPING AND RESTING for it to happen.

But this morning I started battling the guilt again. So dumb, really.

Then I remembered very vividly a dream I had back in my late twenties………..a dream where I was so stressed out that my husband had no idea how to help me….so he took me to this place and all that I remember was that it was at the very top of a skyscraper…we rode the elevator all the way up to the very top and someone very kind answered the door……my husband said he would be back later to get me. I went in and there was a room FULL of stacks of quilts and puffy pillows and comfy couches………..the people there just told me to rest.

They were so kind and expected nothing of me but just to rest. I would try to work or speak and they would just sit me back down and tell me to rest. When others there would come and talk to me………they would be told that I am here to just rest, so please leave her alone…..

It was the most exquisite dream I have ever had and I have never forgotten it. I stayed there for many days….and then my husband came to get me…………I cried when I thought of that dream today because there is nothing that sounds so wonderful as a world where we would just LET EACH OTHER REST……LET OURSELVES REST.

Can you imagine being treated with so much love by each other that when we were really truly tired…that this is the message? Can you imagine if we told each other this…if WE TOLD OURSELVES THIS…at the end of every day????

Last year when I wrote out the life I wanted to have…….I really did write some things in there about stopping to rest….but, I focused on the goals….I accomplished almost every single one of them already…I am truly living the life I have always dreamed of because of the hard work of figuring it out and going for it……………but we all gotta build  in some rest too. I am so thankful I saw this in my book when I pulled it out last week to talk to you all about the upcoming class.

I am going to do better at stopping and taking a rest. I am going to keep encouraging you and everyone I love to do the same. Rest without shame. Rest without shame. Rest without shame. We need to rest whether we are done with what we wanted to get done or not……rest is as important was work and play. We all need to rest. Rest does not mean weakness…….or laziness……rest means smart and brave.

AND….

When you are living the life that you choose to live…doing the things that you planned out….saying no to the things that don’t matter….it’s easier to feel like you can rest now. When we are doing things that we don’t really even want to be doing……..we can never stop to rest because we are still looking for what we want to be doing. Living life in your own way = really good rest at night….because there is peace.

Ok….so, I hope that if you have not been stopping to rest…that you will.

And…I hope that if you are having a hard time figuring out what you want to do…where you want to go…and how to get there…that you will join us for CREATING THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE…LIVING YOUR TRUTH, SR2….the online course which starts tomorrow. I can’t wait to make brand new goals…….so excited to do this course with all of you!!!!! (the journal pages shown here are part of  my book from the course) LEARN MORE ABOUT IT HERE. bravegirlsclub.com/soul-restoration-2

Do you let yourself rest?????? Would love to hear your thoughts…..

xoxo

melody

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There’s something I have learned over and over again….especially this last year…and it is something obvious that you might already have as a true and easy to understand and implement concept…..but for me…it has taken a while:

YOU CAN’T HAVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO HAVE IF YOU

HAVEN’T TAKEN THE TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT LIFE THAT IS……

*****and******

YOU CAN’T HAVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO HAVE IF YOU DON’T ASK FOR IT, WORK FOR IT

and WALK PAST EVERYTHING ELSE THAT DISTRACTS YOU FROM IT.

About a year ago I was deep into writing the curriculum for the second SOUL RESTORTION COURSE (SR2) which is a class that is designed specifically to help you “live your truth” and life the EXACT life that YOU want to live…that you were meant to live……I didn’t realize at that time how far away many of us are from living that life, because we just sort of go on autopilot and start riding a wave that is going somewhere….then, after enough years go by, we find ourselves unhappy, unsettled….not recognizing ourselves in the mirror…waking up after a year’s long sleep thinking “how on earth did I get here?” …then, a few things can happen after we come to that “wake up” point…..we can either decide that this is the best it’s going to get and “settle” (in which case, we will definitely wake up again later…..and again…until we get the message) OR….we can wake up and say “HEY, THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE LIVING!!!”

Maybe you are surrounded by all of the people that you love….have a wonderful family and wonderful friends……but the deepest parts of you are in some kind of freezer waiting for the day that it’s time for them to get unthawed……..maybe you are surrounded by people who just happened to come into your life because you did not plan otherwise…and they are people who are destructive to your spirit….and now you feel like life just has to be this way forever. Maybe you do what you always wanted to do right now, maybe you don’t. Maybe you started out with good intentions…had goals and had dreams….and then something happened and it derailed you………and then it was just too hard to get back on track….and years went by and you find that you are now just sort of wandering around wondering what is supposed to happen next……..maybe you have even forgotten that YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE…AND THAT YOU GET TO CHOOSE and that you are very very very worth CHOOSING THE BEST LIFE for…….and because you have forgotten that, maybe you just do what other people want you to do, tell you to do and expect you do all the time. Maybe you have forgotten that you ever even had dreams or goals or a plan for your life.

This is what I see from my bed when I wake up in the morning….every morning for the last 6 months, the sun coming up over the mountains and then over the little pond next to the river….this is just a little part of the forest that surrounds the very private, unfancy home I now live in…the place I belong….you will understand why I am showing you this photo a bit later…

A few years ago I found myself slogging through the fast lane……and I even got pretty good at it. I knew what to do and how to do it and it helped me to survive financially…helped my family….but then one day I woke up and thought…”how on earth did I get here?” …and even though I was surrounded by so many people that I loved, and I was what the world might call “successful” ..I was not living the life that my soul was wanting to live. My soul is a slow lane person…a campfire person….a barefoot in the grass person….a paint on my hands while I strum my guitar person…..a “let’s sit and talk for a while” person….a get out in the garden and dig in the dirt person…..a private, quiet artsy person….a person who needs to be treated with kindness and patience….a person who is not truly motivated by fast lane stuff in any way…..

Yet…there I was, in the fast lane. for. years. and. years. (and years)

Well, now I live in the slow lane….in fact, I live on a little country road that it doesn’t really matter whether there is a fast or slow lane, because hardly anyone else is even on the road at the same time. THAT IS WHERE I BELONG. THIS IS WHERE I BELONG.

I had to do the hard hard hard work of figuring out what I really, truly wanted………..and it was worth it…..but it shocked me. I did the work it took to dig in and find out who I am and what I am about and what I want and what I feel like my purpose is and when all was said and done…….I just wanted to be home, making art, hanging out with kind kindreds…who are my family and friends and other people I have been blessed to meet along the slow lane road….I wanted to help others as much as I can…I wanted to write…I wanted to have a roaring fire to sit next to as often as possible, good music, and I needed…..needed…needed….just like I always have….to be with the trees…in the trees…surrounded by trees. THAT WAS IT. My soul had no desire for trophies or titles or ANY of the stuff that I had spent so many years feeling like I HAD to chase to be a successful person. My soul said….”I just want you to come and sit by the fire with me and listen…..then I want you to paint what you hear and write what you hear…and share it with others when it will help……I want you to SLOW THE HECK DOWN. I WANT YOU TO QUIET THE HECK DOWN….I want you to start living instead of running and chasing. I want you to be you. I want you to look around and see this beautiful world and to look into the eyes of the people who love you. I want you to be happy with who you are and where you are and what you are and how you are.”

Well, friend…….I am crying a bit as I type this because so many memories along the way are coming back…..and thinking about how thankful I am that I am on my right road now (and please understand that there are fast lane people who are blissed out in the fast lane…because they are MEANT to be in the fast lane! ….there are all kinds of people!! Just that EVERY person needs to figure that out and get there…..because that is what is meant for all of us!!!)

Ok…if this is making you mad, or making you cry…it is probably because there’s a part of you that is screaming inside….maybe it is saying I AM STUCK HERE AND THERE IS NO WAY OUT! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT PEOPLE GET TO CHOOSE!! I AM STUCK!!!! MY DECISIONS AND OTHER’S DECISIONS HAVE GOTTEN ME TOO STUCK TO EVER GET OUT OF THIS MESS!!! (I know that line, because I honestly used to feel that way…and I truly believed I was stuck where I was…because people depended on me, because I had already gotten too far in to get out, because I would look like a fool if I suddenly stood up and said…uhhh, excuse me everyone, I think I am lost and I need to get back home….especially after I had hung out there for so long…..) Anyway….if that is you, and you are feeling all sorts of uncomfortable emotions welling up inside of you……listen to them…..I guess I am writing this for YOU. I don’t know very many people who were as stuck in the muck as I was in as messy of way as I was…so I know for sure if I can get back on the right road, you can too……maybe you are even in the slow lane and needing to get back on the fast lane! Whatever…if you are feeling stuck in the wrong place……you are meant to be in the place that is right for YOU.

PLEASE KEEP READING THIS. I promise you that there is a way to dig into yourself to get out of the wrong life you might be a little bit in…and to get on the happy road you are supposed to be on, that you are wanting to be on…that you will THRIVE on. FIRST THING THOUGH…is to figure out what you really want to do…….

AND THAT IS HARD WORK. (but once you get started….it is OH SO FUN WORK)

Sooooooooooooooooooo where am I going with this???? Well……..I just want to share with you HOW I finally got here. I want to help you get there. I started that class almost a year ago…..made a whole bunch of little goals and big goals…..got brave and worked at them every day (and started over when I messed up lots of times) and I have pretty much accomplished every single goal to live the life that I designed by listening to my soul and my deepest truth. I just want to help you do that…..

And…that class starts up again next week…on April 17th…and you don’t have to have ever taken any other classes from us….this one stands on it’s own…but it is soooooo worth it. I am going to post some more photos here….just random ones from the millions of things we do in the class….along with photos from the last year that show me living this amazing “just right” little life I am living…..I am going to post EVERY DAY til the class starts to tell you something that I learned and something that I worked toward and something big that I changed in my life to get to this wonderful little life I am living now. So tune in…I will be sharing lots of MY answers to the 16 pages of questions you gotta answer in this class. (how else are you gonna figure out what life is JUST RIGHT for you??) CLICK HERE to learn more about the class

All in all……I am going to shamelessly keep trying to talk you into taking this class with me starting next week….because I know it will change your life…it has changed the lives of thousands of women all over the world…I have met them, heard from them, talked to them, read their letters…….this stuff works. IT IS NOT EASY…because you have to dig deep to find the answers…but just imagine what it would be like to feel like you are living the life you want to really be living…..(and I think you will find that the life you want is pretty much right in front of your face for the most part….you just have not been seeing it….)

Ok….that’s enough. I know it’s so corny for me to say that I love you….but I really really really do. Part of the life I want to live is doing Brave Girls Club….and the reason I want to do it, is because I really really truly do love you all and want the best for you, want you to be happy, and want you to live your potential……and you all have ENORMOUS potential…and life can be so so soooo good. I want that for you.

xoxo

melody

LOTS MORE TO COME!!!!!
COME ON…DO THIS WITH US!!!!!  CLICK HERE to learn more Here’s a video about the class too….

Would sure love to have you along…you will LOVE IT….this class is a complete blast and will make your life so happy!!

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I have not forgotten what depression feels like. I have not forgotten what it feels like to feel stuck and lost and trapped. I have not forgotten what it feels like to feel like a complete failure, beyond recovery…I have not forgotten how it feels to feel unloved and unlovable…and I have not forgotten what it feels like to feel utterly forgotten. I can still taste it….

A few days ago, I was standing on a mountain with my husband and some of our friends….in the wilderness with a huge campfire roaring next to us. One of our friends was playing the bagpipes and it was echoing through the trees, it was right at sundown so the sun was orange and yellow and filtering through the forest.  I looked over at my husband and he looked at me…and I had this moment of utter bliss thinking about how far we have come, an the hell we have walked through to get here.

So…the last few weeks, I have had to stop and wonder how on earth life could feel so good, so peaceful, so happy, so fun and so on track. Because….it hasn’t always been like this…in fact…not sure I have EVER felt this at peace…and good. And it has lasted long enough that I finally trust that it’s not just a little phase I am going through. I just want to share with you HOW I got to this place…especially if you are stuck somewhere….if you are stuck because you are so tired of fighting all the time to just survive…if you are so tired from years of feeling trapped doing things that make your heart feel bad….if you don’t really even remember what you wanted at one time because you are so far off track from who you really are, what you really love, and what you feel like your purpose was at one time. If you have no idea what you want so you just take whatever comes…and then you don’t even feel worthy of that.  I just want to share with you what I have learned…because I KNOW that you can be as happy and at peace as I am feeling…(finally)….and if you are willing to do the work…there’s this amazing life waiting for you….a life that was always intended for you, because I know for sure that we were not created to feel bad…we were created to live a joyful life. I am so happy for the things I have finally learned. (and the cool thing is…it is based on simple things…not EASY things, but very simple things)

I had a long stretch of time (years long) feeling a deep down anger that I didn’t know how to express. I have only now realized that the root of my feeling horrible, hopeless and lost was anger, an anger that was rooted in fear. I am not naturally an angry person…..but I think anger is a human part of us that has messages that just want to be heard. I was not listening or accepting my anger.  I just kept stuffing it deeper and deeper and dealing with it by over-working, over-exercising and pretending like I really wasn’t angry at all. I felt like if I did “ENOUGH”…achieving, producing, working….that maybe I would feel better. I didn’t know that it was anger that was fueling the way I felt STUCK, TRAPPED and HOPELESS. I felt used up….like my best years were over….I felt like things were so far gone that I could never recover what I felt had been lost. I was too tired to fight anymore…because my life felt like it just turned into one big long stretched out lump of time where the #1 goal was to survive the day, then the long & tortured night….day after day after day and night after night after night. That is the only goal I had for those years….to survive.

That is no way to live….but that is what happens when you have lost hope and forgotten your dreams…and life has beaten you to a pulp…and the blaming, accusing, mean lies have invaded and destroyed everything in your heart and soul that you thought you knew….and when you have forgotten the truth of WHO YOU ARE and WHAT IS POSSIBLE…and WHAT WAS ALWAYS INTENDED for your life.

So many of us forget. We MUST do what it takes to remember. Do you hear me, friends? PLEASE. Please don’t believe that life always has to be this way…that this is the best it is going to get…that your best years are over.

What I want you to know is that I was angry during that time because I believe in God. I believe that God has a plan for all of us, and I believe that He truly truly truly wants every single one of us to be happy. I don’t talk a lot about God, because I want everyone to feel comfortable and understood and respected. I think truth is truth is truth in the world…and love and beauty are truth and that’s usually what I stick to…..and I sincerely apologize if I am making you uncomfortable or offending you…because I also have great respect for all beliefs, religions and ways of being in the world. But from my heart, what I know to be true is that there is a very loving God who knows each of us, cell by cell, moment by moment…He knows our personalities, our desires, He knows about our mistakes…He knows about our pain. He knows what we are each individually capable of what we are working toward. He knows and has a plan….and He just wants us to trust Him.

Well, I tell you this because I want you to understand the anger I spoke of above. My anger was directed at God for the most part. I was very very very very very angry at God. For years…and years and years and years and years….I was angry that my life could be in such a horrible state and that He could allow that to keep happening….I was angry and confused and felt forgotten…and I never stopped believing in Him…I just spent a lot of time in my closet, car, garage….in hotel rooms on business trips…anywhere I found myself alone….crying LOUD and pleading, pleading, pleading….sometimes yelling…always through lots of tears and gritted teeth…sometimes looking straight up into the sky and screaming…..telling Him I thought He was mean and cruel…..telling Him that He had the power to fix the things that were terrorizing me, hurting me and devastating my life and my family. All along the way, no matter how angry I was, no matter how loud I yelled…the answer I always got back in my heart was “STAY WITH ME….someday this will all make sense.” Of course, that would make me even angrier. I would cry and scream that HOW COULD ANY OF THIS EVER HAVE ANY GOOD PURPOSE…EVER?????

I am writing this because one of my online classes starts up again tomorrow…and I had decided that I wanted to find a way to tell you about how that class changed my life, and to plead with you to at least look into it and join me for the rest of 2011 to do the work to move forward  and find the miracles that can happen in your life if you do this class and really do the work to start living the life you REALLY want to live. I had not intended to get this personal….but some things you can just not leave out……and this part, I can not leave out…because I KNOW there are women out there who are angry from the deepest part of their beautiful hearts. ANGER from not understanding how life could be so cruel, and beat us up so much….and pile more and more and more and more of it onto us………..and even if things are better…we are left so tired, ragged and without an ounce of confidence, drive or memory of our dreams. We are stuck. YOU are who I am talking to…and YOU are who I am begging to join me on this course…..

So…I will finish telling you what I wanted to tell you.

My life burned to ashes a few years back. It was slow and painful and much of it seemed very cruel to me as I said above. When all was said and done, all that was left were the few people who had been there all along….and the stories and the lessons that were learned along the way. This was painful, I didn’t think I could survive it………but man it was so good, too.

What it gave me was the opportunity to start over and really decide what kind of life I really wanted to live….how I wanted to spend my minutes….how I wanted to feel….what I wanted to accomplish….what I wanted to learn….what I was willing to sacrifice…what I was NOT willing to sacrifice. What kind of people I wanted to spend time with, and what kind of people I needed to avoid spending time with……….what I wanted to live for, what I wanted to be known for….how I wanted to give in the world, WHAT I wanted to give in the world…..the kind of place I wanted to live….what I wanted to spend my time thinking about…..what I wanted to see and experience…..how I wanted to love others….how I wanted to take care of my body….what I wanted to allow into my life….how I could protect myself from everything I didn’t want to ever be in my life again….

What kind of life did I REALLY WANT…even though I was so far away from it?

AS SOON AS I REMEMBERED that I have a choice about ALL of those things….everything started to change. I stopped settling for what life handed me and I started deciding what I wanted life to be. And again….once I REALLY asked my heart…it was lots of little things…simple things……..sadly, I had spent so much time chasing after all of the big things that I really didn’t even want.

My friends. I love my life. I LOVE IT. I. LOVE. IT.
A few years ago, I never ever ever ever ever thought I would say that again. Things were too hard, too bleak. We were in so far over our heads and there were just too many scars that weren’t healing. Things still didn’t make any kind of sense….and I was still too angry.

I am not angry anymore….but it took a lot of years to get here. I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND that I could never ever ever be where I am NOW had I not traveled through the places that I had to travel to get here. I could have stayed stuck in those places and not had the hope to move forward……and I did for a LONG TIME. I chose to stay stuck because I did not have the strength or energy to try to remember where I wanted to go, what I wanted, what would bring the most peace to me and to my family….I just let life keep happening.
That is not what God wanted for me or for my family…..He wanted me to remember that I get to decide….that YOU get to decide…that we all get to decide….but that we HAVE TO DECIDE……or life WILL keep happening to us.

As I type this out, I can hear clanking dishes and laughter in the background. My friends are here packing up our rental house so that we can move across town into the exact kind of home that our family wants to live in. I wrote it all out a while back, as part of Soul Restoration 2…..still at the time feeling that it was not possible because our life was in such a deep hole……but here we are…..and by tonight I will be sleeping in a home that is surrounded by trees, private and near water……..a simple beautiful house that is what WE want…..we just had to decide and do the work to get there.

Since doing the lessons in Soul Restoration 2, SO MUCH of my life has changed…I have even lost 20 lbs because the craziness is gone…and my body feels calm…and I feel happy with what I am doing….once I gave up the COOL WHIP DIET (and that all happened because of SR2)…..everything changed for me.

I am TRULY TRULY TRULY living the life I want to live. Funny thing is…I thought it would take 5 years to get here from the time I started writing stuff down…every day I get closer and closer and closer…..and I say NO to things that don’t fit in with what I want, and I say YES to things that scare me but will get me closer to what I do want….what I want for myself, what I want for my family…AND…the very life that has always been intended for me.

I am starting to understand the pain, the struggle…what felt like a cruel joke for so long…and how it has gotten me exactly where I needed/wanted/was supposed to be. I’m so glad I stuck with it.

I just want this for YOU….more than anything in the world. I want you to feel this peace, this feeling of being on track…this OKness with exactly who I am, how I want to live my life, who I want to be around, what I want to do and how I want to feel.

I WANT YOU TO FEEL EMPOWERED ENOUGH TO DECIDE.

Anyway…..class starts tomorrow…you can jump in any time…..here are a few little videos explaining the class……I REALLY HOPE YOU WILL JOIN US. CLICK HERE to sign up!!!

Sending SO MUCH LOVE
melody

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